Daeryabaar.com - Nothing New [Gazette

What am I? How does it all fit together? Time over time I keep on comming back to the same stuff - which says as much as: "Well, it bothers me - really - its like I discarded it or something" already - as opposed to other stuff that I keep my interest up in. "Got off to a little bit new here" - "Got off to a little bit new there", sometimes they interact, other times I just feel terribly wrong ... and that's it! The Gist of it!

Of course what keeps on bothering me is Satisfaction! Or ... the lack thereof! Who doesn't want from life to be satisfied?! There however often is a cost to it; And the wise man would say: Find your joy in peacefullness and it'll all come by well! But yea, I know just what those say, it's however still a part of that Peacefullness to actively enjoy. Being happy with the things you got is -still- a matter of enjoying things. The less you got to enjoy, well, the more I guess it will be Alcohol!
Spirituality is a nice thing! My story here is however not about "How to quench thy soul from spoils" - I'm beyond that - though it might not seem that way. I however don't have to stand by my word, those things I eventually may feel sorry about, that isn't the point either! Its a story that unfolds, things come and go; And those things that stay are not only addictions! A nice example: When I go to bed, there sometimes is really nothing that arouses me, or "puts me into a good mood", until I pray. But thereby it matters 'how' I pray. If I turn my way to God - except it be a friday night - He puts agony into my heart. But when I worship Him in my 'Lust' - its different. Now Carefully! I might just know what you're thinking! But either you take my guiding piece of advise or you'll leave it be! - Essentially the point will be that more than just I will come to those whitts, and by the word of mouth things will go around and before people will find out eventually what is going on behind closed doors, I'll let you in, piece by piece. The one way is bad, the other one is worse - it would seem. Some things that turn out fine in the long run, might just show up bad in the short one. Whether I judge the situation right or not - thats an oppinion that adds up to it. But in the end, so the big idea, the Secrets will be gone, unrequired, outdated - ... - and thats what I'm working on to. You might be scared of that! Like, wooo - nope! Not with me! No NSA Crap! But actually I won't force anything on you! As it sais in 'outdated' or 'unrequired' - it's like: Once we're all hiding behind the same door, who's effectively hiding at all? But I digress!

I don't really need to explain it here at all though - but basically is this what this site grew up on! I tried this and that, but in the end I always needed some section where I would post my thoughts and usually they turned out to be about -this-. Right now however there doesn't seem to be a lot comming, its a change of tides you might say, - plus essentially its a time issue as well. But its all a time issue! And because of that I might as well just wait.
See - in the base - the Logic is sound and God works out that way too. He had to force me into it essentially and that it looks as though I would be in Hell - that is very well intended. Its a twistful logic - all that "Heaven becomes Hell" stuff, but different. The Foundation is sound, but then, there is that frontier. Right now that what bothers me is different to back then, and eventually what I got is tight enough to make it to a more prominent spot; But then - what is left? What is left when there's nothing left?
On the other hand I can safely tell you that worshipping the Lord within our Joy is not substancially different to how one would expect it without any of those abstractions around. The own mind being put into a state needs to awaken therein, thus the story must, where it is holding its gaps, tears and glitches, be fixed. For our own minds sake! It might not sound like much, but at first: What would you think works for your heart once the Lord has worked it beyond any known conditions? To say - it must work for the heart too! And that's where it begins! In the heart! The Heart in comparison to the mind is a simple thing, technically, though I guess it still would be fair to add that it isn't really simple either! So can things work out for ones heart that intellectually or reasonably don't make a lot of sense then. Then once mind has grown further. That's how it works! Our mind makes up those stories that drives our heart into its passions; And just like that does the road continue! Whether it is thereby following the Lords guidance or not - that ... well - doesn't make it any different, though, a certain difference is there - no doubt! There are certain things, that would be a deep thought on that matter, that mind cannot comprehend; Or - to rather say - are things that are there for the own heart to embrace. Thats Satisfaction! - Not that 'Jacking-Off' kind of satisfaction, but that "being at Hearts contempt" kind of. Easy, Peacefull, Satisfying!
The problem though is that its society that lacks behind or needs to adapt - or well - is simply a factor that has to play along sometimes. And when I think about it - looking at my inner compass - I wonder where there might be somebody for me. I try to put my Hopes into heaven but -nope-, get disappointed by the Spirit. I try to put my hopes into people I know or otherwisely ordinary folks but -nope again-, get disappointed by the Spirit. I so do the "unthinkable", that whats left, Celebrities, Stars, Divas, whatever you would call them; And well ... something. Something that is hard to describe. Its positive mixed with negative, but there definitely is a positive!

So, what's my point? My point is that I'm still going towards that Light - a Light that might reflect and refracture itself in many different ways, but its there. Its like a shot into the dark, one that never seemed to hit anything; While on the other hand - people started talking I felt, for instance. But what awaited me at that long journeys end? What would I be? Those are questions that bother me but I cannot write of them. Whenever I do I keep on comming down to the same point. The Logic is Sound, the gestures of the Spirit safe enough - it doesn't make sense any other way - but still I'm burdained to believe that it cannot be!
A dream would be that I could be exposed - simply defenseless unto the Humiliations that are brought upon me - but while it is a wish uttered from my heart my mind can't wrap itself around the idea. Perhaps thats the way it goes, ... - that the deeper the desire, the less reasonable it arrives in the head. Well - too many negativities aside - too much contemplation can put me into a very monotone mood! There is one way though, one way I can reasonably comprehend how its going to end that way! Its simply a matter of Love! While reason can be like a shield that fends two people off of each other through the intellectual barrier established between the two minds, love is like the glue that fits them together inside - and there passions and desires may grow and mix and build up a unique kind of twosomeness. I'll just need to find the right one, and to some part have these things also been always about that. Effectively the whole drama even began that way! Expressing myself to people I had been in Love with. I however wouldn't make things up to a persons mind anymore, especially not with someone that doesn't "click" with me. Its got to come off naturally - naturally - but the ways to deceive the own mind are short! For instance: What is "click"? When does it click? I would know some occasions where it clicked, others that just went deep. Catherine Zeta-Jones, Gillian Anderson and Angelina Jolie - those were some where it had clicked - but then again - at some occasions here and there something had somehow clicked at some point too. But yea, I guess I can see the difference now! So it goes - another thing - the differences that appear draw outlines, so that once moving deeper and deeper those outlines do become epi-centric rings - but the further out someone yet is standing the more unclear it is who or what is just there in the middle.
I guess that makes it sound ultimately complicated - or dangerously imperfect - but yea, maybe that's what it is! I have certainly come to believe quite a few things ... yet anyway ... one that clicked right in the middle would be Britney Spears. That makes a point because for quite some time have I lived with an even somewhat unrivaled special kind of a thought - that was a dream I once had where however only her name appeared on a book - of which I come to understand that it may be my over-sized critique that makes me susceptible to less sophisticated things. The critique is to keep me at distance, to not look at those things that are possibly for granted (which is maybe a product of being pampered by the Lord) - and hence my attention is diverted more easily; But that can as well all just have happened to be a part of the plan.

Just like the other thing! I could very easily make lots of those examples in relation to Programming. Patience as a virtue, the right and wrong between ambition and well-being - and finally the value of putting nails into a coffin once the time is due. Still I gather that there were times where I made no progress at all until I put some effort into something else - back and forth - but eventually those things were to just remain bold suggestions for quite a while; That there were an end to it at some point. Maybe there even isn't as of yet - but eventually things just come piecing together. - For instance: That in the end a 'relationship compound' of seven is the good basis makes a lot of sense because the 'Diamond Shape' - thats two square-grounded pyramids attached at their bottom-side - make up a solid geometrical shape of 6 nodes, while one additional point in the middle makes it a structure of completely triangles; And triangles are the architecturally most solid shape. "The simplest Primitives" - that need no further be segmented. Its a thing that then just sticks - where a wild guess were the rest is just a matter of knowing the right criteria; That is however also a thing about perceiving someone just the right way. Thus I would still need to mention Katsuni, Alicia Alighatti and Natalie Portman as people that clicked somehow - Katsuni as the very first and that is another thing. There isn't really much about it at all. There is no plan or idea or anything - no Love, no Harmony, no Nothing - but some Kinky knot however. I figured that each fits into a certain Theme of mine - but whether those faces live up to those terms is yet to be found! Meanwhile I suggest that my fame isn't dependent on me shutting these things up, but a matter of people starting to accept that this is the way it is! That of course must be the Point!