back| Because Always isn't Always enough

Neon Language Application for the purpose of communicating things of nobodies concern

Mind this color? I don't! Colors and their Contrast to primaries - or the different organizations of primary colors - are an interesting thing. See - black on white is a very simple thing. It is a sharp and clear Contrast - while whether now Black or White were the more appropriate background depends.

Now, were I to apply same logic on this combination of colors, thus resorting to a magenta background, (continue here) | does conclusively just alter the perceived contrast.

The reason why you may not want to read these things is because of time and value. You might realize that scientific documents generally do demand a lot of thought from the reader, where as opposed to truly holy Scripture it in such a case isn't really "benefitient" enough for the reader to fall into the 'Holy Sleep' to have time for digesting. But even if - we would mind - how does a person nowadays even find time to take a 'Holy Nap'?

There are differences between people as we call it 'Lifestyle'. Someone with - sotospeak - a Lifestyle of a Cart-Racer doesn't really come to have a lot of spare time because it is within his nature to cut every corner and use every tiny hole of an advantage to get going. Someone with the Lifestyle of a Fotographer however doesn't really come to get very far because he's taking his time at every edge and corner to look at things.
Both may equally share a little bit of the other, so it isn't really the point to regard this in any way of living as of the primary occupation, it is about the occupation of time in general. Once work is done, there is leisure. Fun, fun, fun. There is weekend - more fun. Always on the run, always on the edge - always busy with something. How is there even time to realize the own way going?

It would seem like suicide to take a break from the constant demand - as even I, who arguably has enough spare time to fit anything into the box, when I prepare a little bit of time for something specific have to realize that all of a sudden all and everyone seems to be interested in me all of a sudden. Some things have to be done, excluding friends for a moment seems unfriendly or anti-social; Then, for what is left, one is exhausted and done for the time being.
Not enough - sometimes it seems to even be forbidden to take that downtime, that the moment I layed hand on a controller I'd have to justify myself before Din, the Shadow and the Universe - and worship to all the good spirits available for to not be recognized as a lazy retard that has nothing to do but playing games all day.

People say, and as it gets only worse they will continue to do so - and possibly even grow in their numbers, that it is a mechanism of the System we live in that is intentionally put in place to keep us off of that which ... requires a little bit of downtime next to those things. Like ... and I'll repeat that as often as I can ... the prohibition of Marijuana. They say, OK, Marijuana nowadays is X times stronger than back then. I wonder ... what could Governmental regulation do to that? So, Marijuana knocks me off so that I cannot occupy my duties - hmm ... so - maybe that's what I am supposed to do then ... I might come to think ... since apparently everything in this world is voluntarily. If I don't subscribe to the governmental rules then I ... may be free and all that - so when I have to place my priorities ... and I must not assume that the Governments betray us in any way ... well - I yet might have to advise "Don't do Drugs Kids!" - because the consequences are ... too deeply complex as that a Child should be exposed to such things. Not only the consequences, also the specific knowledge of the individual drug in mind.

So - OK - this System got me aware of advising folks to not do what I would do - like, studying the Gospel/Good News seriously. There is not enough time and by the time you understand enough your friends already call you a weirdo - just like the Dope these days is more like warp-drive than a sail in the wind. But considering the prizes and availability - ... well!

The closest thing to something to help calming down are cigarettes - but their intoxicating effect requires something as balance - in my case: I drink coffee. Cigarettes and Coffee - a widespread habit I would say, but over time - somewhat unhealthy. Every now and again I need a break, then I drink Tea or some Lemonade ... but those times make me aware that I would rather have some dope! When I have dope, I'm in a much better balance personally - although, near the end, once the last remainders of green are in the bowl, I get itchy. It means: Oh, soon back to cigarettes and coffee again.
Ironically 'Cigarettes and Coffee' is thereby equal to 'Fighting for Survival', which is the accurate definition of my situation so that smoking pot, hey, is 'Escape of the Problems', uhm, I mean - 'Escaping the Problems' ... where slowly I don't think in "How Long does it take to do this?" terms anymore but in "How much dope would I need to get that far?" terms.

My History with dope is a little bit weird. So - before I was baptized, well, reefing was a little bit of a friends-habit. Being young or at least not properly educated in terms of what we were doing just going out, smoking day in and day out, it is hard for me to recall a moment ... except that evening where thoughts of 'intelligent design' entered my mind (Never heard or read anything about it before, I didn't call it that way either - I used it to conclude the 'Defining Power', but that is another story) ... where I have been growing used to anything practical. After I got baptized it was different from a situational standpoint. I just had 'spare time' again, so I got busy with things and then having some weed without being stuck with friends for longer than the first joint or so allowed me to mix my personal interests with the "pleasures" of being high.
There-after there came a period where I was working on most of my things sober again, that for years, where I may have had a few joints every half or full year. Those moments usually meant a significant change for me. Trying to get my Software written soberly seemed appropriate for me - that is how I had begun, but that is not how I received the carrying inspirations; Those ideas matter of fact that I then intended to continue on. When I was high and looked into what I was doing I usually came to "shoot" what I had. I found some weird access point that I didn't see before, then started to re-arrange everything in favour of this new perception and that is where supply ended, me being left stranded soberly; And now: Handle the mess!
Thus later when I had the time, some money and the "ambition" to change the approach on working something out while being High throughout, I did that. I eventually came to a point where I then being sober see that I lack the psychological edge to even understand! It's not that I do not understand, so - it isn't the Chaos that yet would need to be sorted out that is incomprehensive, but ... I have a sample of me working out some things: crystals.designSample.001.txt.

If I may point something out about it is that the document is the moment at which I began looking away from plattform implementation and back onto the thing I call M-Core - while at any point this would be the advise one would give me if I were to complain about the entire thing being too complex. "Why don't you just ...?". It may not happen to appear clearly - but that stance is from where this design sample has been comming from. So "just this ... and that ..." and finally: Chaotic. Maybe not Chaotic and and of itself - but as previously written did I "shoot" things when I got high, whereby the idea is that it is the own perception of an ideal in correspondence to which the product is either clear or not. To also conclude where that ended ... it ended in a little bit of downtime wherein I next to other things also came to setup this new homepage design. That was 2 weeks ago. In the meantime I shifted my focus, in terms of the Meta design, onto the Filesystem in an attempt to figure out a concise Logic wherein the System requirements unto the Filesystem are to be established.

Self-confidence means to Understand what you are capable of and how. In the beginning I found myself capable of understanding information technological matters and hence I could grow in confidence about being capable to realize my visions for as long as I am acapable of solving the information technological problems. While at first only perceiving the rudimentary logic, the work thereon gathered experience from where I gained insights into different constellations that occur wherein I could do "this or that" in order to optimize "this and that". With growing insight it meant that I can think like this before writing any code while I see myself capable of writing it. With growing experience it meant that being capable of writing it becomes a matter of knowing what to take care of here and there. "Just writing simple classes" is another 'good advise' that I am well aware of - but at some point a 'complex' system is more than just simple classes put next to each other. At least once it is to exist within some form of cognitive beauty. Trying to describe it is however the process of design, whereby - until its done - there will always be some minor or major issue here and there left to discuss.
Thus we may wonder: How will I be able to make it so that there is nothing left to add?
And I do wonder so myself!
But for as long as what I have doesn't realize my Vision I understand that there is something left to consider - and parts whereabout there is no vision are either mandatory or not. If not, then heck ... if however, then those things are part of the problem and it might take something a bit short of a miracle for me to conceive the proper solution. The Filesystem problem is a bit like that. There is a vision, an idea, but it isn't specific enough for me to right away just translate it into a working Mechanism. The start may be simple - write a class 'MyFilesystem' and add function create_file(size) and the rest is well done inside, but in order to keep it that lean and simple while compromising a lot of functionality within the concept, work has to be done! That were then just the basis of an individual Filesystem, next to which I should be capable of mimicing it within FAT, NTFS or EXT - which is where it goes on. Simple setting up some folders that should be working out may be good for a start, but once relying on that established form, the workload that needs to be done when realizing that it is flawed and does urgently need to be redesigned is in someform equivalent to the width at which the form already defines the written software.
Thus I am a bit stagnant here as all the classes and systems needed are existing already. I have an M-Core, a Meta, a Logic to combine the different Elements, so - neither is this design sample a sample of an early stage. I just resorted to ncurses to have a better focus on the essential Logic whereby I haven't yet begun to rely on any form of Filesystem; But - at this point ... I'm getting there!

Then, whatever will become of it is also just a step - as primarily I write what I write now to have satisfied my need to have that System, finally solid and ready to work, with the primary ambition to have a Graphical Interface for assembling the Binary that then is to be installed as stand-alone operating System. Thereto I will not disregard that even so being High while doing the 'sober' work would be personally more desirable than not to do so.

What happens to my current knowledge is that physics and psyche start to react differently. It should be most comprehensive by pointing out that parts of the brain get turned off, that is the 'physical' and 'tranquilizing' effect. So - instead of having 10 brain-cells active for the moment, there are 5. This so matters to Memory. What I experienced in that regard is that once growing sober, some Memories that so fill one cell however contain 'more' information than ordinary, thus somehow the organism tries to 'unpack' that data into the formerly inactive brain-cells. It is thereby once being high also remarkable that while one moment is intensely alive within the own mind, it isn't capable of having 'complete attention'. So physically Marijuana works like a Ladder or 'Hack' if you so will. Picking the Metaphor of rooting a smart-phone, my devices are rooted, hence without the Hacking tools I get into problems.

That is me within Social Spotlight! I mean - if you knew me personally right now, that is pretty much me. That means - most of the time I spend at my computer while the rest of the time I try to somehow get along. Thus socially - and that is what the test-results say as well - I am dependent on my Environment. That test is actually to my surprise one of the more helpful ones. It is called 'ABC Test' and done by our Jobcenters if the office-operator-person thinks that it would provide useful information. This Dependency is negative - as related to by the Jobcenter - since it basically yields frustration; That while the Bar reflecting the ambition to personally unfold is the largest. At that I also only have 1/10 points in flexibility.

I barely have the time to Understand how I fit within what social economy, while on top of that ... if Sexuality is a mirror to the own life wherein there are certain indicators for positives and negatives - not taking the interpretations too far though - ... I understand that I have a tough fight to win. Stress settles within what? Being constantly on steam and exposed to social awkwardity supports the desires for a certain well-being while the exact idea of that well-being that is being 'desired' (emotionally, not intellectually) is aligned to the own form of existence. Thus naturally that what I want is exactly that what I need in order to continue as I did.
My understanding thereof however also relates to reality, whereby I can regard the possibility that a miracle like that might be true - but that either way it still has to work out somehow. I thereby understand that I at different times am attracted to different things; And while in general it might seem as though I would demand what I desire for it should be obvious that none of us can do that! If desire is already equal to demand, good OK, but that is not the definition we should found on! The desire is a Hypothetical Outcome whereby conclusive Demands are issued steps into that direction that need to conclude within the reality of the socially existent. Where there is a direction there is a way, technically speaking, so, for folks to come together that are strivant to go that way - where a shared desire finally produces the current as part of everyones influence.

The first steps however are not done physically - the very first step to any odd way encountered is the acknowledgement of the facts that make up that way. The Acknowledgement of something already yields consequences, that because our acts are to some extent influenced by what we do acknowledge. Our worries from going a certain way are also worries of consequences; Thus, while every way is mingled with consequences, the most proper way of dealing with them is to know which ones have to be risked. Thus within acknowledgement there is no real issue with any given consequence because the consequences are those that arise from what is being acknowledged and thereby calculated risk. If I had to betray a so called friend for instance I wouldn't, just out of the idea to do so. If however there is an ideal of mine that my so called friend does contradict to, I object to his doing regardless of the consequence. In other words: We do only naturally get as far as the things we have acknowledged reach.