Embarassment / Hello again?
I found some greens in my Ashes still ... and I suppose, for the time being I don't have much else to do, so
I'll have to let You in on the joke: I have a small glass Bong, though since the chillum broke it's really just
a glass pipe. Ordinarily You use sieves to prevent the "stuff" You put in from falling through, but since I'm
poor (and lazy) I have to recycle the ones I have. After time, enough of the ... tar is it I suppose ... builds
up on the sieve and along the funnel, such that the sieve doesn't go in as deep as it would, while the buildup on the
sieve forms a little hill of sorts. Saying, overall ... buildup happens and the stuff won't burn down as evenly
as it should. And that's the crux of it. After a pot was smoked, there's still green stuff there, and ... over
time that created the habit where I would put those ashes away separately. I have my ashtray sitting on a tablet;
Though at some point I felt like cleaning so I put those ashes onto a separate tablet; And by now I have three
"pools" of ashes. Two tablets and my kitchen table. I've even delopped a habit to just fling the ashes from the
funnel to wherever. Recently I found a bit of a hidden jackpot in the corner behind the ashtray.
I'm always surprised that I keep finding stuff. The amounts of times I felt like "this is it" ... . Well, whatever.
If I find something, I take it.
Maybe it respawns as a matter of probability.
I also still have a THC gummy, which I suppose want to take tomorrow. I have one pack of soup and the bag of pasta
left; I also remembered that I have a box of gingerbread in my sweets-stack; Which expired like 3 years ago but
... whatever.
So, I'm currently thinking that maybe this 'new Gospel' that's currently linked under 'Hello' needs to go. And
overall I feel like the whole situation currently is a mess, where, realistically if I wanted to make a good
impression on anyone I wanted to introduce my stuff to; A whole lot of everything needs to just go.
Going further, that would go on until I nuke the whole site and start over. I mean, everything I have is a little
bit embarassing somewhere - but instead of moving on and "fixing it" I choose to just write something like this in
the hopes ... that it'll do.
Given that I don't believe that anything will come of this, I should just go on, try to get back on my feet while
scrubbing the whole thing and my life to the point where it becomes presentable.
And no "and then what?" - until then ... .
But now what?
I've done that a couple of times; And sure, let's say that it wasn't the time, that I was young and stupid, that I
didn't know what to watch out for ... whatever. "It's all in the mix". Maybe in the meantime I should also try to
regrow my Penis ... though yea, at this point I'm starting to get a bit cynical.
I mean, sure. On the one hand I can't reasonably go out there and try to get people on board with this - while on
the other, I mean ... this stuff keeps happening for a reason. Whether or not it's a good one ... I don't know.
I mean, psychic powers, squids, metaphysical brainclamps - where are we on the matter?
Is it written in the Bible, is it not? So, am I to take it seriously or not? Is it then a question of optics or
a question of truth? How would I go to decide on it, one way or another?
Obviously I should split my page in half. On the one there would be the scrubbed frontend; And on the other there
would be space for contemporary concerns; "Experimental" ideas or theories or whatever. But what should be here?
What there? Right now it just is what it is.
Which is also just ... my life. I mean, at some point, in some way, nuking this site or scrubbing it, that's like
nuking myself ... or scrubbing myself, just so that I won't accidentally start opening some other stupid can of
worms where sooner or later I'll be back around to something like this.
"Funny" - why, when I thought of writing about my smoking habit, admitting that I have one, the impression I got
was that of a person smoking; Supposedly 'me' in the projected image, but the person sure wasn't me? But an
imposter. Like ... for the bad vibes.
There's just no way to ... should I make a video so You can properly imagine "the vibes" of when I smoke?
Or a video of my not having sex just so to counter-act the braintheatre of people who might not be able to think
of anything else?
But sure, I would do porn if I had the appealing opportunity. But ... 'the appealing' isn't really in the realm of
possible right now.
So, in short, You have to be able to deal with it. You should be able to handle Your own and not so much rely on me;
Just so that You know and can also let others know that ... this is about You, Yourself individually, and "them"
(anyone) themselves individually - and not so much about me having a scrubbed image.
But that's one of them problems I always face when thinking of ... "fixing" my stuff. Trying to talk to people
out there. I mean, let's just say that on the one side I'm too scatterbrained and on the other am more of a free
spirit - to really restrain myself all that much, one way or the other.
Where did I go wrong?
I mean, if I did, there would have had to be some point in the past where I should have done something differently.
And to that point, I would need to have knowledge of ... that way, so ... that I could tell myself, positively, that
yes ... "this way and not that way".
So far, all I got amounts to matters of scrubbing myself this way or that way. Where for the brevity there is only one
topic worth addressing, or not addressing, where maybe the mere notion of addressing or not addressig it is a matter
that may in and of itself be a problem ... which is then either worth addressing or not, I don't know.
But sure. It would be there - so, that either way I would go, whichever road I might take, would virtually pin me to a
pole of shame ... . And yea, as per my Clarity, that's kind of where I belong. So, the issue becomes one of ... how
people see it. See me. The ideas and truths behind it - and so, that's one thing. Which, if I had to be real, belongs
right next to my ideas of "Zion", or so, 'the Ekklesia'.
Which isn't to say that it should or should not be discussed, but that it should definitely be understood ... or else
we're not going anywhere.
But so my only hope is to post my mind on the internet; And anyone who cares can read up on it ... and that's the end
of that. One way or the other.
And that's that!