Righteousness

It is said that I wouldn't rest until Righteousness is established. Which leaves me with a problem ... deciding whether the road's end is just ahead, or if I try to find a way to keep going.

I thought I knew, I thought I understood. But at long last, I couldn't find it. Or I ... can't find it anymore.

Justice for me - I'd say. For here I am, at the end of the day, helpless, hopeless, restless, ... and my spirit crushed several times over. What can I do? What can I say? But "no more!"?

If You can't see my need, that is one thing. But it isn't just me and my material condition. It's also my work, beyond the errors and mistakes. The Light within, the truth I carry ... all the hopes and dreams within. And You still ask what justice I seek?
I stand accused, with no defense afforded to me. I stand robbed, with no law to aid my case. I stand tortured and abused, with no one person that could be held accountable.

So, how can I preach righteousness to You, when my life is this? How can I still keep going, trying to carry the weight of the world, and call it just?


I find myself cast into the darkness of my mind, where people argue, fight and quibble over the crown that I wear.

So, wouldn't it be just, if I gave it up, for obviously there would be no peace otherwise?

Oh, would You only defy God in ways that mattered ... .


Why can't just accept the order of things? What else would You propose?
Changes to what avail? Leadership and Glory to what end?

Do we really need someone to tell us what we can or cannot do? Or otherwise inhibit our freedoms?
Just so they're sated? Just so there will be peace?
But what peace?


Not with me. For how could it be anything but an abomination?

I thought I knew, I thought I understood. But what I found was that the truth I carried had long fallen on both ears, opened and closed. But why then am I still here? Why are we still walking in them olden ways that we know only lead to conflict and damnation?

I can no longer pretend that I am strong, for I am not. I can no longer pretend that I hold the Light, for it has gone dim. Why does every Ode to Joy that I start singing always end in sadness?

There is no power here, but the Love of Harmony and the Joy of Living.

I am but a Child ... and dare I say, we know what value they hold in this world.
I grew up free of much of the burdens one might have to carry elsewhere. I thought myself free to grow and explore; But with every flip of the page of the story of my life, the Nothing grew stronger, the boundaries of my Phantasia shrunk, moving on to the what would now appear to be inevitable end.


I have lived my dream, up unto the points where I was told "no further". "Turn around and be good".

It is not mine to tell people how to live. Not mine to envision a new tomorrow. "Let circumstance run its course". Yet circumstance begets providence; And providence begets damnation.

As a rock rolling down a hill won't ever be able to return back to the top on its own.


And here I am, in the valley of my Life. And what good could my God do for me? What would I want with anything ... in this world? The only Light I see is beyond ... as far away from "these people" as possible.