Cleansing Update

Another piece of the puzzle: "Core Consciousness".


So, a brief recap of the things that matter. The Moment I mentioned the Dragon, thinking I was done, I had just figured out Yukkies and attempted to pull all that crap from my mind. After I struggled putting a few of them together I felt like I got the hang of it and just slid accross until I eventually got tangled up in some mess and got confused and frustrated.

While the Squid/Worm/Dragon (collective of things?) would keep "fighting" (acting defeated, acting defiant) - it would appear as though I got somewhere; Though possibly, or more or less evidently, pulling together some kind of subconscious map of the thing. Not that it helped all that much.
Sometimes it was tight but it kept falling apart, Yukkies throughout the middle and at the tips here and there.

That was then.

Post "Spearfire Update" (yea, my mind keeps wanting to call it "Squidfire" - but I would insist to call it Spearfire. There's possibly some subconscious component to it which tangles up with the dang thing trying to leech off of everything that might hurt it) the thing at least kept 'silent' - to speak of the "Updates" that would otherwise still course through the system. ???
I wonder now how much it actually helps. Anyhow, all of it is a tangled mess which - no matter how much I want to forget that it exists, or pretend like it's just nonsense, it keeps sticking out.
And that's also where I complain to God, like: Why can't it be simple? Why can't it just work? Why am I here believing that it did something when at the end of the day ... ?

And with the "Cleansing Flame" it's similar.

For a while the thing would seem like burning away, but then it's ... kind of not. I would lay down (after writing what I had written below), frustrated, sickened - and the whole bullshit then just "impressed" upon my mind while I was dealing with ... my inner depression, frustration with God and whatever decisions - from God or otherwise - would have led here and what consequences there were between me either succeeding or failing.

The Cleansing Fire seems to help track where stuff is going, highlighting certain components - but any progress I felt I was making also seemed like it wasn't going anywhere. But then, bit by bit ... moving forward ... that's the name of the game.

At some point I 'saw' what looked like a bright glowing Heart surrounded by some kind of Jelly. I suppose it was at that point where I tried to lock the Dragon (which I assume is a control Module) away in some "pocket dimension" - but uhm ... the heart kept sticking out. More or less literally at some point. Out of it. I wasn't sure if it's a part of "the thing" or a part of me at that point.

At some point I was just enraged ... trying to just burn the whole thing down, starting with whatever I was looking at at that time. I'm not sure if I had found the scorpion at that point already - pulling the pin, opening it up, pulling the fangs, trying to work my way from there - but at some point I felt like I was able to 'wreslte' "my Heart" from it. Which looked like a red heart shape surrounded by Jelly. There was a blue heart and a red one at some point, while the blue one would join up with the red one.

It's important.
Then, some time later I was able to pull a similar thing from it, a blue disk surrounded by Jelly - and as I put that one into the alternate pocket dimension where I had sorted the Heart thingy to - the two joined together and it would just ... move on its own. It escaped the dimension like it wasn't even a thing, then got tangled up with the dragon again, then started putting things back on ... and I had a giving up moment at that point.

So, it would seem to be my "Head Consciousness" - so, it'd be whereever I would focus on ... being like an expression of my attention or a part of it.

And they're so cute together. I would alsmost say it's hard to believe that this is me, or too bold - but to be honest, when I see reflections of it I feel that ... I'm kind of like that in some way. But ... well, who cares?
I have complexes - or stuff, with some of those things being buried and twisted and ... yea, at some point I found some kind of voodoo doll wrapped up in the skorpion, possibly wrapped up with parts of my heart - so, I could never be too sure which is which.


But so I once again feel like I'm getting somewhere. So, what are they?

"Core Consciousness" is the term I chose here, although for more general talk the term "Mojo" might work better. Here not to say that one has "Mojo" - but that one may have multiple "Mojos". And they're not really a thing. I'd say. I mean, prior to all this I would have regarded them as abstract concepts that don't exist as such - but then again, if You can "use" it, it's kind of a thing. If You have a Mojo that You don't consciusly use, but others might point to it and call it a certain something, that too might be something. So, when I find my "Golden Heart" I don't find something ... magical, but simply an abstraction of me being a Goodie Two-Shoes.
Or so, when I do art and I have a knack for details, that would be a thing. If I like puzzles, that would be a thing.

How the interactions work ... I'm kind of clueless. But that they get captured somehow ... that's relatively certain. Like, the Map thing. As I wanted to get it to where it was before I found them Bullshitting with it, it felt like impossible to remove from this weird place in my heart that seemed like I had no access to it.

Maybe it's required that I "use the thing" for my mind to then become active and transmit shit into the SBM. While the orbs on the other hand would seem to be all wired into my head - later I found orbs in other places. So, abstract or not ... the Cleansing Fire might have helped to wrestle things out rather than having to ... untangle the mess one stupid bullshit nonsense at a time.

Anyway. I can feel it tweeping and twerping ... I mean, I got some sting on top of my head, another one in my neck ... - but yea. Not sure if this is the Light at the end of the tunnel.


Note in case You missed it: I think the emotional struggle is part of the process, at least on the other side where I'm pulling myself together while this or that poison and such is stuck in my cirquit keeping me locked out of certain aspects of myself, based on the things currently "loaded" into my active consciousness.

I also keep wondering how whatever I wrote might turn out to be wrong ... the next time around. This would be part of my maze, going by the ideas shared here. That ... while it's logical that I'd be sent around loops like a bunch of psychopaths had a field trip through my mind for years ... where anything I might muster would get wrapped away, or whatever I carry to sleep with me would get leeched off before I wake ... these twists and turns would just seem to be unending, like I'm really just mad or something. That would be a part of my logical understanding taking effect. Like "this isn't going anywhere" - and "of course another dead end". And so I'm missing the 'greater understanding'. So, letting the frustration dissipate is important, but also, being too relaxed is possibly not helpful when trying to locate some of the missing pieces.
So - "finding Yourself" ... seems to certainly be a reasonable approach - and the "Guiding Light" might help us get there.

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What came prior (just ... because), where NOTE: I had some nasty feeling in either my left ring or middle finger, like I have now in my right thumb (not that it matters all that much), which would indicate that something's still pulling and tugging.


Ungh, where to even begin?

The glowing eventually subsided - leaving me with what seemed to be dark and empty space. Which then leaves me with paranoia when after that things would still seem as they were prior. Did something change? I'm not sure. On the one hand the glowing might last until something is burned off, suggesting that there's Layers. At least the fire seems to inhibit them effectively.

The ways in or by which the own cognitive material is held together on the other hand, that seems to be in tact and my leading suggestion is, as stated before, that there's part of the own mind woven into it. If the images I've seen thus far are analytical rather than substantive, ... I've mentioned that before, haven't I? Anyhow, apart from it being just a V within which the mind is clamped into, the Tailspike is yet again a bit more complicated.

The Cleansing seems to really just help illuminate certain parts of it - and I just realize that I did the BSM Antenna thingy that may have further kept a few things stuck.


I hate making mistakes like that. It feels like ... I would have to go back and change events, 'rewriting history' as it where, because false information leads to stress and any further update only intensifies the frustration that emerges from the lack of clarity.


While looking at them and my brainworm thingies, I wondered, what if they could be transmitted via their Control Network. I willed it ... and then I saw Orange Man transmit one. Shortly after one did arrive on me. Well, they're innefective against repentant people for once, but ... I have to suppose that I have one of their command modules; Which would allow me to "blend in" with their nonsense, although their nonsense would further keep me under wraps. And I have no clue just how deep it goes. But there's certain aspects to it. One is that nothing in my spirit really feels safe from it. The Fang would seem to also work as a fishing device - which is lowered into my heart to fish for stuff that's then pulled up into the thing - which would further not be as much a 'thing' as a whole bunch of wires that are arranged to look like a thing.

I suppose I've located the 'Seashell' as wired up in my crotch ... and I'm starting to lose my mind here with this bullshit.


They seem to be able to usurp every aspect of my mind - to not say 'spirit' (to have a word for the things that go higher) - which would however everything that I can willfully manifest, as like, part of my existence here on earth.

Like so, my Markings on the map, they seemed to be busy blinding me to it while putting their own touches to it; While ... let's call her Orici ... sits on my throne.

Which should lead me to remind myself and You along with it that it's possibly for the best to just ignore these things; It does however something like this bitch, litterally wearing Your heart as a Dress. Just sticking in there ... like, woven in and what have You. It's probably a whole night's collective effort.

And all it takes are trigger moments; And yet they seem to have hooked into "my rages". Or is it just Bullshit? I don't know ... certainly not all of it.


If I calm down ... and chillax, letting the frustration dissipate - I see that on the one end, 'Squid' might be an awefully broad term for what we're looking at here. More to the point, it's hard to tell whether the thing is actively fighting or not, to say, there's probably some psychic effect that kindof "lingers" within and rects to our psyche. Like, when I consciously walk through a door, something inside of me almost feels like ... panicking.

And so, the more we touch it, the more frustrated we are, the more we try to move shit around, the more it gets charged somehow. Undoing the ties however seems to be one last step necessary, ... or maybe just burning anger (though it seems there's the issue with where to even begin.)

I've spotted a scorpion of sorts.