Ripping it some more

I don't think we're getting anywhere. And I don't know about You or if You're seeing things differently, but then ... I'd be curious as to what it is You're seeing; Or what kinds of drugs You're taking.

There's something about this anger I'm feeling that makes me feel whole.


Because ... whenever I'm like ... not angry, or not this kind of angry, I feel everything just slipping and worsening. "Haha, it's fine!". "It's going to be fine!". Whatever. And woe and behold, at the end of that road You'd find yourself surrounded by people ... that aren't Your friends at all ... and You'd be stuck there, like in a prison.

And then what can I do, but ... strike a cross and wish You the best?


How can I HONESTLY sit here and see it any differently? When time and time again ... it turned out to be the right call.


See ... maybe looking to the Antichristians and asking them for Repentance was a step too far. It's YOU who need to repent also.
Wouldn't it suck if the scum of the earth made it into Heaven, but You wouldn't?

Here's an interesting concept of Hell, actually. Let them just have it ... a place for their own. Like, who cares? Just take them all, put them somewhere nice, lock the door and throw away the keys.

But then these don't want to be with those and You got to have more than just one Hell. So, M'Kay, while we're feeling generous and don't care ... why not? So, multiply that by however many different "kinds" or "groups" of 'to-hell-goers' there are. But no, now they and those have beef and ... at that point I DO NOT care, we have ONE hell, fucking deal with it.

And if You ask the head honcho, there's no re-opening the case ever, hence we throw away the keys ... and ... I'm half way between not caring at all and giving a flying fuck about it.


I suppose we could then draw a line between Evil in Theory and Evil in Practice - either way, I'm sure that "repetance" is at that point just a function over time relative to the degree to which one is involved. If You swim to the top You couldn't care less; And if You're a bottom feeder, well ... what do You want me to say?


I guess: Well, we had a Plan that would allow for repentance and such, but alas, Y'all didn't want it or allowed "Your superiors" to convince You that it's bad or evil that way - so yea, well ... 'shrugs'.

But ahw, we shouldn't have listened - or why didn't we tell You so?

I mean, for either of the two ... actually we're not there Yet. Like yea, obviously God wouldn't listen - that's the good news; The bad news is that You probably wouldn't understand it.


Overall there's I think only very few people that are worth saving. Like, to the point where everyone kind of agrees. I would be one of them, but alas, I have THIS stupid job ... which also means that I already am saved. And the rest just doesn't make it easier for us.

I mean, what is it like to be a repentant person in this world?


When around every corner You're told to TOUGHEN UP, or pull Yourself up by Your bootstraps - while the very same people act like they're doing You any favor at all.

We repent, but the system prevents it from having any significant effect. Everything is rigged to the point where ... the only real difference is how it makes us feel about ourselves.


Then You try and apply Yourself, but well ... the forces that be send You around a circlejerk and then You end up back where You started. Except ... time has passed and now everything's just worse than it was before.

And who's to be blamed? Who if we can't point our fingers at them because how dare we criticize their genious efforts at making sure that everything stays the same? Well, it could be You; And at long last there's also me.


We just didn't try hard enough.


Then one of us, finally, eventually gets to die and all they care about is cry to God about the injustice and how unfair life is.


And if You start to REALLY try ... well, You've just become a rebel. You're wasting Your life away with weird delusional nonsense. I've been laughed at a few times for expressing a sincere concern at changing the world.

I mean, "back in the days" there was this pervasive belief that "Nobody understands the whole truth", or "there is no such thing as the absolute truth" - so, cop out arguments that just stop the ball dead in its tracks. I once has a conversation/debate/argument with some guy and at some point I just felt an anger and I expressed it to him. That this makes me so angry, I could throw him out of the window right there. And he was like utterly shocked that I might say such a thing. This word ... "just" ... it's like ... so cursed.


Like those Yukkies and the whole bull. The knot is here, but no, it's over there actually, no wait it's down there ... oh, here's an end but no, it's a noose that's stuck by a thread and where does the thread go? OH, it's that fucking bal again!


I mean, that's not just how it feels like. That's just how it is. At occasion You also get a "Your fault" moment, which may or may not turn into a side-quest; And by the time You're done with it everyone has already moved on and forgotten all about it.

And that's kind of what I want to get at when I ask "what's in it for me?". I'm not interested in money, I'm interested in a world where we move past that. But then there's this and that reason why money is necessary; To some extents I would agree ... I think about it, come up with a solution ... but ope, nope, can't have that either. Oddly enough I'm not hearing much in terms of counter arguments, other than it being not hardline enough. And everyone just turns around and acts like nothing happened.

I guess "the Economy" is just too complicated or whatever. Which is kind of my point, but what would I know about it anyway, right?


Then, when taking it further - You're really just wasting time trying to come up with a theory that can only fail because it's not exploitative enough. Or it doesn't have enough or the right loopholes for people to feel "comfortable".

And then, whenever they feel an incline of humanity within them ... they look at the system they built or uphold and go like: "What the Fuck? How could God let this happen?" or sulk and while about some other shit like how come I don't pull a couple of grand from my butt to buy a house and hire some people and start a movement - possibly while sitting on just the right amount of money to get exactly that kind of shit going. But no, I should play the Lottery!

Or learn how to rip people off or come up with some get rich quick scheme because we're all way too high off of those stupid Netflix (or whatever) shows.


Like, how can they trust me with anything if I can't even handle the first thing?


Then eventually someone gets duped by a bigger asshole and ... honestly, it makes me wanna laugh.

But yea. The only direction things naturally move is 'down'. Does it take a genious to figure that out? Is it me again who didn't pull my weight so it's my fault that You've been had? Could I have told You so? Could I have known? Who even are You?


Then I'm sure that I write about it, feel great, and it's all probably getting sucked up into the SBM for someone else to feel good about themselves fighting off fantasy monsters; While calling me stuck in my own delusions.

And so, by the time I get the vibes of them telling me "What are You even doing there?" - I feel like ... yea, we've done it again. Walked the circle. No arguments left but "You're not good enough and now fuck off!".


Well. I'm seeing the end of the road. Maybe I'm not who I thought I was. I don't fucking care.


Is it my bad?

The only thing I'm concerned about is that I don't want any of my stuff to end up as some kind of morbid trophy.


Maybe things will be fine - but from how I see it, it won't be if I'm not mad about this.
Because if I'm not mad about it, then I basically don't care about it. I say "fine, whatever!" ... and let it rip.