Letting it Rip
Well - what do I have? I don't know - but a good start would be to think, just to keep things rolling
without getting too obsessed over the details, of five different factions - in this world - each with
a wholly different set of beliefs and thus a different idea of what the fuck I'm supposed to even be
doing here.
To me it makes little sense that this is what I'm supposed to be looking at, for how could it be that
me just writing stuff here would change anything about that?
Unless maybe there are people who care about this; Being like a sixth faction throughout that would
act as some kind of interface between me and them. That the others then are somehow pinned in, to at
least for a moment consider that I might be telling truths here.
At least functionally that would seem to be the thing I'm doing.
I'm thinking of the things I wrote, the matters I present, and somehow it takes me to a sense of opposition
or skepticism that I would then make the subject of my concerns; If I'm not otherwise concerned of some
other thing.
Right now I'm still pulling needles - but somehow my progress there seems to be linked to my progress
... "here". So, there were these weird little things I spotted ... basically ontop of my brain. Like
five fingers with what would appear to be eyes in them. "Polyps" would be what "everyone" calls them, I'd
call them Yukkies. They seem to come in two forms. One end up being "lashes"/bends, the others would seem
to have eyes. And I was kind of confused about them. The first few appeared after I shoved some needles
around the inner recesses of my brain, yesterday I was taking a closer look at changing the direction of
the flow within these tubes which eventually led me to the assumption that there's two different kinds of
channels here. Not sure how that fits into the whole but ... whatever. The ones might be my own nerves.
Hmm, here's an idea: That Arrowhead ... could it be the thing that I find there at the tip of the Fang?
That "inverting" it was about inverting the flow on one side of the thing so that it would come out, rather
than ... as where two opposed flows create some kind of a needle?
Anyhow, so - these Yukkies in my brain kind of resembled my left hand - and after a while I extended my
"fingernails" through the eyes, or curling them into hooks to pull the eyes ... and at long last trying
to pull needles with nails extended. That seems to have done something and I find weird things linked
to my left hand all over the place.
But so the impression of my nerves, the paranoia that the "eyes" add to the mix (given they were dangling
around there in my brain), that's where I currently feel progress while that would also somehow be my
subject matter right here.
But so I suppose I must face the possibility, that "the Whole" isn't as Whole as it would at first or
overall seem to me; But then there's also this other kind of opposition. A distinct faction that seems to
sit wherever my concerns are at. They further seem to sit with me, "swim with me", trying to be me while
also not - or trying to make me want to be them while trying to hold on to my own.
It's kind of cringe, but also not. Speaking of Isaiah ... where it talks about "them who ought to be a
Light for the people" ... so, there's this image of a Light hovering above the earth. Sure, a symbol, an
image as given by the book. And so we might think of some ethereal figure, man, woman or otherwise -
and depending on where we at we might want to pin a face on them. And ordinarily I wouldn't care much.
Beyond that I also wouldn't mind too much if I saw another face pinned onto the image I'm looking at -
even if it is "the Enemy" - but eventually I started to take issue with it because it seemed to go a lot
further than "just that".
#Stupid Bullshit Matrix
We sure might all be locked into our own little SBMs, but there's a good reason to assume that functionally
they're all the same. While some are giddy kissing Trump's ass, others are giddy to be Devotees unto "her".
And then again I wouldn't mind too much, because ... after all, those images don't mean anything. Well,
until they do. Of course 'they' would follow some reason and logic to invest into them. But so, when was it?
The day before Yesterday ... after writing 'Forsaken and Unforgiven Too' - God, or I should say 'the Spirit'
(the Spirit being more of an inspirational manifestation "quasi imposing" as God (like by taking the shape
of one of my plushies) and 'God' as such being 'more personal' or how to put it) basically suggested that I
should make an angry face. And when I didn't, I would feel like an invisible hand going to my face and shoving
down my eyebrows. And it was difficult to maintain 'angry face' - but the longer I tried, the more I ended
up resisting that urge to "laugh it out".
I mean, to speak of my own very real insanity - I find very little that I'm actually, emotionally, serious
about because all the seriousness I end up "laughing out" that way. And then, some while later, I am as
though I wouldn't care about anything at all.
Then, on the other hand, I don't know whom to be mad at. Or, how can I maintain angry face when some other
people (or impressions thereof) are pushed to the front for me to contend with that basically require me to
laugh it out because they aren't the ones I'm actually mad at.
And thus the cycle continues and ... certainly it is in those moments where I wish I could just kill them or
have them killed.
But alas, "You" people act as human shields for them - and I must then wonder what the fuck Your problem is.
And it might be a lot of things. Money, social status, everyday life dynamics - it all basically reclaims
itself as the next day comes around. Eventually they or some of them make an appearance to display some
dominance and check for who sits and who doesn't. And beyond that ... it's all ... just beyond me.
So, "five" factions, all with different beliefs (or rather: SBMs) ... and nobody will do anything.
It's like, everyone is waiting for the other to make some move. For the whole to become whole - which would
exclude them of course because the whole is to come together to get them too, so we can move on. And sure,
if there is this sixth faction, there should be a whole of some sorts; But if You're wired into this without
there being any one such thing, then yea, it ain't there. Then You are ... this "sixth faction".
And so again it has been over a week ... since "something happened" and yea, something should change. But
it didn't. And I can't keep telling myself that this is ever going to change. I've seen it too often before.