Sooooo ...

With 6 minutes left on the final episode ... I feel prompted to make a statement. During the time of watching I had a lot of stuff going through my mind ... and oddly enough ... there's this thing I wrote about a while back. That about some visit to LA ... more particularly: A souvernir ... namely an odd feeling at the bottom of my feet. "Keep Sweet" I guess? As though I, merely by association, am put into those shoes ... and the ferocity with which this feeling wouldn't dissipate ... it's ... pretty clear to me what the dirt is that I have to wash off.


And yea, I suppose I can go down some calm, clear, rational path with this. But it's difficult. There definitely is A difficulty here ... speaking of judgments, prejudice, cultural sensitivities and what have You. I find it difficult to not be judgmental, but a part within me also doesn't allow me to be ... judgmental. There is however ... a clear line there. Somewhere. Separating these from those. And I suppose that one deception is to be fooled by appearances ... and to ... "clog the channel" (or what was it?) to the deeper issues that should be very clear to anyone paying attention.

I will say that there are some sympathies I have ... possibly even for the whole operation ... which is where bias and counter bias ... are basically the culprits behind the aforementioned difficulty.


And in the depth of it ... I can see how I might be victim to people like that ... . Or maybe I'm just taken into a sense of how the victims here felt. Not those that would come out and speak up, but those that were sucked in. I was a little bit ... disturbed ... as this 'immersion' slowly took over; And any sense of 'common', 'civil' rationality practically stripped away and taken into a far away land that I might never know about.

To speak of right and law is a great mistake here. It doesn't matter. But the truth is ... to give this part of the story a quick and easy conclusion ... that the path to Enlightenment leads to and through Independence. That's the silver bullet here - as the biggest failure of this operation, from the most benevolent angle unto it that I can adapt, is in the absence of a proper cultivation of this very important aspect of spiritual growth.


Anyway. So, then came the pictures from the Temple. And while I've always appreciated Mormon Architecture ... except for those very gaudy Disney Style Temple fasades ... the insides are a little bit of a wet dream to me. However ... the emphasis is on 'little'. This isn't sarcasm. Because whatever taste receptors are taken in by it, they're overwhelmed by those that are creeped the fuck out by it. And that's ... a bigger story than it might seem at first. So, because I would generally consider this topic closed at this point ... I suppose I kind of teased a more spicey route to this; Though I hope I'm not overhyping what I can actually express on the matter.

Well, I guess it started with the shot of the front ... where any positive reaction that was creeping up in me was blocked by my counter-bias and something started snapping at me. And that's basically a whole separate issue that ... I don't think I can resolve by myself. But something has managed to basically "act as God", but Segulo has told me that it's not HIM - and I'm reliefed. Because essentially that snapping would otherwise prompt me to lean against my "foregone conclusion" - and I couldn't fathom how. Once that was met with a bit of a threat, that "he" could no longer protect me ... the ... how to call it? Texture? Shape? Fingerprints? Of the entity behind the impulse became a little clearer ... but that whole sensor array of mine is ... I'd say it's essentially fried at this point. Virtually useless.

The reason I bring this up is ... well, I mean ... I'm basically trying to ceremoneously take a dump on something here. I mean, I assume that there's something "he"/"they" are very proud of ... and naturally I'm "expected" to somehow find an alignment with them. But yea, that's just their thing. Or one of them. Anyway.

I'm sad to find however, that ultimately I have very little to say. I have to make clear however - that I'm not only disturbed by what I saw (not speaking of anything sexual), but I have to make it clear that this is not due to anything I've seen in this documentary.
More to the point: I once visited this Minecraft world ... and I was led into the mines where I was told that my advise, to populate them with discernable structures for sakes of orientation, was a good one. What I saw however shocked me. The whole way down ... and it wasn't just a little bit ... was plated with wooden planks. And in that moment, my opinion of that person coagulated around the more negative bits that had been present by this point. There is something so utterly deranged and psychopathic about it ... to my tastes ... that my gut reaction was to GTFO and ... not look back.

I basically turned into a Dwarf Fortress Elf at that point.

And I don't know why. I mean ... I've had ... nightmares, ... no. I don't know. Something I internalized. Hallucinations? Visions? I don't know. But I have several images stuck in my mind - originating from my childhood - that involve wooden planks. Well, my Gramps had a Sauna ... which was like the one exception to that rule. I can't quite put my finger on it. I once had a dream about a secret passage around the corner of that Sauna ... and thusly I went there to check it out, but all I found was some old box with old stuff in it. And to this day I can't shake the feeling that something was or is buried at that house.

But maybe it's just the planks. They probably are an easy way to fix up an otherwise ugly wall or ... sorry that my demeanor has derailed at this point ... but it's like a thousand echoes from a thousand corpses screaming at me. It's just THAT disturbing to me.

I may also have had a dream at some point, of being like ... locked in a small room - the walls being wooden planks but at the same time also soil. Like, I saw fossils. And the dream ended with my grandpa opening it ... like a box ... and me getting out. Something like that.

And the inside shots ... they gave me similar vibes. Maybe it's the monotony of it all. And I have to wonder what kind of person one has to be ... to not be desturbed by such things. One thing that makes sense to me is that one has to be blind, basically. Not accustomed to much outside of a very strict and very narrow view of things. And while that is understandable for someone brainwashed within a cult they were born into, it is a whole other level of fucked when thinking of a grown adult.

I mean ... I'm not sure if it's a universal thing, but there's lifeforms ... that have this. Very few features, very ... like those funny worms in Shadow of the Erdtree maybe. Or Sea Cucumbers? So, very featureless ... macroscopic lifeforms ... that are basically just a shape. Maybe with a hole. And that's ... to me what Spiders are to Arachnophobes I would assume. And it has to be the monotony. And yea, if I were a megalomaniac dictator, people would get executed for shit like that.


The weird part to me here is ... that the outside is still very elaborate. And so from a spiritual angle - ignoring human conduct - this is a nightmare. Whatever is going on there ... I'm sussed out on face of that alone. It's a vacuum that urgently needed to be filled ... and I'm glad that it happened.

But yea, I had to get this out of my system eventually.
Now I'm hungry.
Peace!