Can I even do this? - The Mormon Elephant in the Room
Well, good for me that You kind of have to listen to me - and possibly You also have to write every word that I
write. And sorry, but I'm not sure if me trying to keep things short elongates the whole thing; And overall my
messy mind - yada yada, so and so.
Well, You know the whole story, that's that ... thanks for reading!
:P
"Do Yourself a favor ... and do something forbidden."
Is that a thing I should say?
Well ... . I "of course" am talking about something like ... drinking alcohol if Your religion forbids it. That kind
of stuff. Something, however, that doesn't put another person in harms way. So, is THAT then a thing I should say?
Well ... I'd have my reasons.
But while thinking about it ... I'm also taken back. I'd say, yea, "at least try some eggs and bacon" ... if You
otherwise wouldn't eat pork that is. I loved it, but I suppose I'm having cholesterol problems and something inside
of me is repulsed by the idea, so I won't. But so ... where was this inspiration supposed to take me?
When right away ... I'm running into dead ends?
Well ... triggered by recent insights I got curious. Looking out Mormon responses to the story; And now I'm kind of
back ... stumbling down the Mormon rabbit hole ... . And now I'm watching "Keep Sweet" ... a Netflix documentary about
the FLDS. And I really don't want to make the same mistake I did ... "back when" ... I thought I'd just say the rational
thing. Because ... what's rational?
One of the opening statements in that Documentary puts it really well. Polygamy itself isn't the problem. But ... dang,
I forgot the words, but sure ... something about men.
Now - I want to sit down ... and be a Mormon, because ... still, I'm a part of it. It feels right ... it feels right to
sit down and ... first of all think about the Mormon church. To talk to You ... my fellow Mormon Brothers and Sisters
... and let everyone else see me through that window.
Our Church has been corrupted ... but an Exodus alone won't do. We aren't alone with this problem. And anywhere where we
might be going, we would be faced with the same problems. And so, conversely, we aren't only Mormons anymore. We're also
Muslims. We're Buddhists. We're Shinto. Heck, we might even be Hindu. And I figured ... that Nirvana makes for a great
Symbol. It stands for all the wrong beliefs ... benign or not ... that we hold or held ... that have to give up to make
room for the truth.
Think about it: Nirvana, as I understand it, is a soup. Maybe like a fog. A vague idea as everything that becomes a part
of it dissolves into it. Self and everything else ... kind of stops to exist. It's "nothing", there where our idea of an
eternal life hits a brick wall. An idea however, that cannot be the vision of a loving God. Unless HE was ... truly and
utterly lazy.
But so, from here on out I want to use it as a Metaphor. As for instance for Polygamy, or whatever doctrinal understanding
might come with it, as per the one or the other religion. And not all about Nirvana is wrong. Or bad. But sometimes the
truth isn't a simple fact, but a hypothetical that only works in a very specific place and in a very specific way.
As opposed to Nirvana, I want to introduce Bab'El; To specifically say "Gate of God" rather than "Confusion". It is counter
to Nirvana. To our every day sensitivities ... perhaps even the "evil" or "bad" ... compared to the "ego death" offered by
it. It is the cause for a lot of the confusion, but simultaneously it is a cause of diversity. Diversity we would
otherwise perhaps not even consider. Or dare to speak of ... because on first glance, all about it seems negative.
Part 1 - Words
Ah, well. This being just another post here ... I guess I have to "nastify" this with some silly comment and disorderly
punctuation. I want to do better. And although I'm only 42 years old ... I feel like I'm close to death. Closer than I
would like ... for the legacy of mine ... it's a mess, according to my tastes. I want to do better ... but first I have
to come into my role.
While watching this Documentary, I've so far only seen the first Episode, I noticed something. And while it might seem
odd ... it made me fall in Love with Mormonism again. Hehe ... yea. It's all about words. I ... Love the smell of them.
I Love the smell ... and this isn't a physical smell ... of these church books, textbooks, study guides ... . But then
You read the words and they have their own smell ... and ... uh, yea ... that's something else entirely. Like ... "yuk"
would be an understatement.
But I basically just came here to lead up to this. I'll return to watching the Documentary - but for what it's worth
... I found something to look forward to. You'll have to supply me with drugs and men and women to "comfort me" - hehe
- and hope for the best I guess.
Yea, I'm not actually kidding ... . But ... yea, maybe it's worded a little bit provocatively.
But here's like ... a first thing: As for a guide to spiritual purity ... (mauhuahuahua) ... and I'm having a really hard
time to get the authoritative posture down ... the most important part is to understand Your Clarity; Such that it shall
not interfere with Your better judgment.
Because yea ... thinking about this Mormon stuff ... some time after Baptism I got weird. I noticed it eventually, tried
to distance myself from it ... but denial of those things would be akin to a lie. Maybe it was luck that no power was
bestowed upon me. And even if I would have figured it out eventually ... I rather live the rest of my life in peace than
waste it atoning for all the stupid shit that could have happened.
But yea. As I delved into my spirit ... searching for enlightenment ... it's almost, or pretty much "duh" ... Clarity
things would manifest and ... that stuff isn't meant to be common doctrine.
Dang ... this hurt, it was difficult ... and it wasn't even all that much.
Well, work in progress ... work in progress ... .
I'd be interested to know if ... there's stuff You like more, like ... just talking ... smell and stuff like that. I mean,
if I have to be "cooking" for You, yea sure ... sometimes I'll have an idea of my own and such - but having a bit of a
professional education might help also.
Dang, now I have this retched smell stuck in my "nose". Would fire help? If not for the preservation of history ...