Treasures in Heaven, treasures on earth

My mind ... fucks me up sometimes. I'm offered so much bullshit to believe in ... and sometimes, especially when tired, I rather speak from the things I've internalized - rather than a spark of rationality. I have to ask myself what I'm doing here. What's the worth or value of any of it?

Other than trying to be social in these ... incredibly weird circumstances ...


So, I have a Gunpla collection ... and at some point the thought snuck into my head that they're demons. That was after I had finished the Head of my MGSD Freedom Strike ... as it was sitting there on my shelf. It's weird when such things come up like ... in the middle of it. I'm just having some peace and quiet and maybe even fun putting this thing together ... and then all of a sudden: "Face the prospect of it all being DEMONIC!". So, what am I gonna do? Throw it all away? Wasn't it just earlier ... this little island of peace? A neat expression of engineering and creativity? A hobby to fill an otherwise ... empty and boring life? Plastic? Yea, I get it ... but for once: I'm trying and ... [sigh] ...

And it's weird asking Segulo when it all just FEELS like confirmation bias.
Or ... when the answer doesn't really mean anything and I get returned to confirmation bias anyway.


But ... fine. I'm not the only one in the room anymore - my failures become more transparent the more people know what the fuck is going on and how to deal with it - and it's a little bit weird to be returned back to being small and irrelevant.

How is it that the MGSD Destiny would cost me ... like ... 250 bucks? I don't understand.

So, I don't recall if I did my due diligence. I suppose I went on with a sense of ... M'kay ... and ... now what? What is Demonic? I'm demonic! Am I not? I mean, what's a demon?


It's a treasure ... here on earth, for my collection. So for once. And that actually did have a bit of a rat's tail of consequences. Even now ... when I think of ... having to evict this appartment, my first thought is my Gunpla collection. I should look into trying to sell it before ... then ... though I rather things not come that far; But well. I'll probably not get it done and ... whatever.

I mean, the rest I have under wraps. I mean, there isn't much that I care about. I need my Laptop and some books and that's in about it.


LOL, I actually have a backlog ...


Anyway. So there is ... something evil. I'm tethered to my earthly belongings; And thereby have a more difficult time letting go. I should, while I still can; But the reluctance to do so ... takes one down the opposite route. You collect even more; And then have an even harder time to let go.
Let go why?

So, there was this paranoia creeping up. It started back in rehab - where I was "mending myself" to ... like ... make peace with the whole "become a productive member of society" thing. Being earnest in finding something that suits me ... and putting in the effort. The little bit of extra money that I got from that was ... a blessing. Well, until it was "regulated" to the point where I didn't have it anymore; Which then was the opposite because I had kind of gotten used to that little bit of extra leeway that I've had.
But all of a sudden ... I had something to lose.

I couldn't just quit whatever I'm doing, not without a safety net of some sort, because there's bills to pay and ... there's contracts that I've signed. So for my internet, my phone ... and without a phone, what can You even do these days?


Isn't that ... demonic too?


Well, yes ... it is.

And so ... I didn't take it too too seriously. Mostly because I "am under the impression" ... that ... 'we aren't like that'. I mean, the next step would be shit like "owning a bike is a sin" ... because, why waste money on industrial trash when You can just walk? Yea, that's Seventh Day Adventist talk. I mean, the SDA Prophet ... said something along those lines; But as it is with prophets, they lose their meaning as soon as they become inconvenient.

It's like ... "hyper pietistic ascetic spirituality" ... which makes sense I guess if You're on some personal quest of spiritual enlightenment ... like You can reduce Your diet to water and bread and call it detox or whatever.


Like, at some point spices are a sin because trade begets conflict and conflict begets war and exploitation. It's also a luxury that costs way more than "you ought to be able to afford" because everything has to suck for salvation to be worth anything ... just ... don't mind the man behind the curtain.

Spices are in that regard as indefensible as Gunpla. It's both ... industrial waste; Neither without a carbon footprint. Growing spices would be evil because it feeds into the temptation.

I mean, sure ... Jesus endorsed spices ... kind of. I mean, more to the point his rhetoric implies, it presumes, that spices are a good thing. "You are the salt of the earth. If it has lost its spiciness, what is it good for?". But sure ... while Spices are produced by nature, Gunpla is a product of capitalism.

I mean ... it's one of those miracle stories. An animation studio that was little successful with their vision somehow kept afloat selling toys - and so all that any Gundam product is, is due to our wastefulness.


Yea, Gundam. A war machine, symbols of death and destruction ... . Well, they're more like the answer to the Mobile Suits that come prior ... but as in Seed, that's only until the other side has Gundams also.

Damn. When I first read the whole story of the Exodus ... I thought it was "so cool". Speaking of the part where they be fighting. The conquest of Canaan. I mean, Jericho is kind of ... meh. I mean, they walk around the city and then it turns to rubble. It's not really ... all that interesting. And "the final battle" is also kind of ... anti climactic. They just set a fire and that's it.

I don't know what to make of the "moralistic additions". Stuff like "kill everybody". But in other places it's like "Kill everybody, but the women and children You can keep". It's like ... inconsistent; Where at first ... Saul wasn't even allowed to keep the cattle. And it makes sense. Don't pillage! And they may have been good people, OK, relative to the culture they were a part of. Which ... yea, I mean, what's a good Nazi? A dead one!

Maybe "Nazi" as such is a bad word here. I mean, I can get behind Nationalism - sort of - and I can get behind Socialism. So, there's an intersection where Yea, there can be "good Nazis" that aren't dead, I suppose, but based on the cultural philosophy behind this version of Fascism ... yea, well. I just want to say that I see the rationality - and the importance of obeying God's commandments. Where, yea, one problem ... is to figure out what is and what isn't from God. So, for our modern day ... we have to leave all that aside. Was my point.

So, I don't know what to make of it - can't we just do the right thing 'NOW'?


Like "here" ... where it matters?

Another thing that makes Gunpla a child of capitalism is that in a strictly purpose driven world, we wouldn't have it. It like, wouldn't cross our minds. And those minds that it'd cross might get executed for a waste of resources.
I mean, it'd be complicated. We'd have to figure out that entertainment isn't bad actually ... convincing the old guard that smiling is OK ... and that just to get started.

Like, to think of Gunpla in a Communist framework is like ... a whole puzzle with a questionable purpose.

And that's where I see value. Because ... Communism, in its extreme, just sucks. Like ... implicitly. The irony of it is, that ... the capitalism of today ... it kind of mimics what that would be; And that's because of the people on top.

Like, what do they care about creating ... a fun videogame? Fun isn't on the table! Engagement is on the table ... because that's money. So, it's just a different category of 'purpose' that's being prioritized. So, communism would be better, in a way, because the purpose is clear. So is it in capitalism, but that purpose sucks.

And sure, greed ... doesn't care about Your political environment.


It's always about: Either we come together and figure shit out, or we don't and let greed run the show.

But so, how to justify fun? Or how to ... quantize its relevant components and make our conclusions not suck?


Passion is always my go to here. As for the inner child. To ... be curious, to explore, to ... express Yourself. Naturally within the framework of mutual respect that we create for our wellbeing. Which is why pranksters are so universally hated; And why only juveniles and psychopaths enjoy this shit.
And ... I mean ... it's also just a way of bullying. Not all of it - and I don't want to say that we absolutely can't tolerate disturbances of the peace and quiet ... but ... in as far as all of that (the tolerable~ish stuff) is a matter of surplus energy, there might be better ways to manage that.


And this now takes me to ... the second ever Matrix Phenomenon "sequence" I shared. The first one ... it had a lot of tracks in there that would cost You money if You tried to replicate the sequence ... 'legally'. So the second one was only tracks that wouldn't cost You anything. It may be insignificant, but to me it still sucks if I ... talk and write about stuff ... like Gunpla or Videogames ... that are like a passion I want to share but ... it'd cost You. And not only that. There's also an amount of privilege that goes into it, thinking of the bigger picture.

Then, at the long end of it - we'd always be trading. There's always going to be something that is either too this or too that to just be commonly available ... and at some point the reasoning or wisdom for why we can or can't have something kind of just falls apart.


Now, when I see the extensive collections that some people have ... I'm in two minds about it. Sometimes I wonder if this or that is still healthy. Also there's like a deflation of value in that at some point there's just too much stuff that's potentially valuable for there to be enough people to care about it. But my experience tells me that it is ... not irrelevant. Unless we'd be fine with just living in barracks and reducing our diet to bread and water. I mean, what else would You need? Space? Why? You'd only return to try and fill it with useless tat.

And on top of that You'll have a lot more neighbours to care about - without all the separation in between!

Now, I certainly would abandon all my stuff in a heartbeat ... but before giving me a good reason to do so, You'd have to pry it from me.


Isn't that the story of Joseph?

Property is just weird. I mean, "Jacob should have just kept that dang coat" - but then ... yea yea. Whatever.
So, lesson learned? What lesson? Hmm ... yea. Life is life and all that ...


However, in a way I LOVE the fact that the world is as divided as it is. Not to say that I'd Love it staying that way, but it just prevents any one bullshit to get rid of all the good stuff. Between all the chaos and confusion there is enough space, after all, for people to enjoy ... like ... "the spoils of conflict".
It's like ... a carrot on a stick. The powerful people chase it ... so we can live our lives in ... relative peace.

Nah, it's a joke. Not fleshed out very well ... and I'm not sure if the pointe is all that funny actually.

Anyway ... Reckless Ben is like the Pharaoh of Egypt, that Mancell guy is Joseph ... and the Lego collection is the coat. It's all so silly; And still so serious.

I mean, trading "sealed product" as a collectors item is like ... as silly as it gets. I completely understand it; It is what it is ... and it would be so funny if this is the straw that broke the camel's back.

I mean, I Love the feeling of empowering the little guy. I Love how Tolkien seems to have felt the same way.

And so, first world problems sometimes just ... suck.
But we might at this point as well just fight over a cloak.


Like, did Jacob even have the right to create one that was better than the others? I mean, I know it from bookbinding, where I had enough freedom to handcraft quite a few actually ... and sometimes the inspiration is there, then there's improvement of skill, inspiration again ... and as You get better, Your ambitions grow also. But then, eventually, You end up with this thing ... all craftsmanship be of the highest quality ... which then almost kind of makes it forbidden. It becomes an Artifact; And tales of its existence become legend in their own right.

It is then almost weird to think of how earthly belongings can become part of our identity.
And if You justify it once, You kind of have to justify it always? Unless ... You don't have the right, but then we're back in capitalism.

We have the right, we have the privilege of dealing with first world problems ... but we shouldn't forget our responsibility to also deal with the ONE WORLD problems. We're the ones on top ... after all.


It can't be impossible. I refuse ... to believe that narrative!
Hmm ... back to the drawing board?