Apologies

I am ... to start with something positive ... actually quite surprised ... in a way that's more like a process or a state of being ... about how far certain things have come in the past decade+ regarding the terminology and concepts that are being used during debates and such.

But of course ... appearances can be deceiving. And as to whether something is a deception or not, well, one must be able to spot the telltalte signs ... of either the one or the other ... and even then it's not all that simple.


When I first started to roam around the internet, writing on forums, discussing, arguing ... watching debates ... I was under the impression that there were a lot of holes ... within the arguments being put forth sometimes. "So close" ... . And I kind of made it my mission to try and fill those holes. At least ... for myself. It's not like ... I was or am in a position to do any of that. And it just previously occurred to me, that I ... my ... "astral image" as it were ... my anger and frustration ... it might be the face of the "evil shadow government" that's ... "commandeering the vaccine/abortion/transification agenda" - or more to the point: My frustration over things just happening without me being able to do or even say anything about it ... .

I mean, it's not like 'they' know who I am ... and I'm just frustrated.


And it sucks not knowing what any of this is, how any of it works - or even so: What I myself am able to do about it. Which is ... "astral projection stuff" because ... what else do I have? So ... I get into astral projection Dragon Ball stuff ... because that's ... it feels ... it seems natural. And so far I can't make heads or tails of it. Mostly because I don't have anyone ... who might either confirm or denie certain things. To get started.

All I got is ... some hint of whether those fantasm still keep acting up, whether forces dissipate ... and yea ... at the end of the day it all feels like dust and clouds. I mean, there is certainly something. Pressures and Forces ... sometimes felt through resistence, or backwind, ... contamination; With little to tell whether it's just in my head or if it's ... bigger than that. But at this point I suppose I'm like stuck in platos cave ... . Knowing that I'm in a cave ... knowing that there must be an outside ... knowing that what I'm looking at is just a projection ... but I still have no concept of what any of it ... is or whatever.

Am I strong? Am I weak? I would not know.
I mean, I figure that they 'play dead' ... frequently. I wouldn't know how to tell the difference, drop my guard ... like, how else am I going to relax and fall asleep?
And that's another thing ... I ... haven't ever really tried to focus on anything. It's either that I'm trying to sleep and these things go through my head ... or that I'm exhausted and lay down to recollect ... . And in these instance I don't feel like all I have is a hammer, I feel like I am the hammer.


And so it should be possible for me to break through, to just ... nuke whatever there is and plant my banner. But what then? Nobody knows who I am, where I live ... what I do, what I'm all about ... like ... there is no ... real life focus point. And looking at what "they" do, the Conservative Cult as it were, it's full of ... focus points. I mean ... I have started to read a book by some Pontiff at some point, it was pretentious, it sucked, I stopped reading ... but that's like ... all I ever heard from some "Pope". Outside of that, all that a "Pope" is, is someone standing in front of a crowd waving.
[A joke: "Why does the Pope always wave like [this]? He says 'Fuck You', but in FIVE languages"]

Then, whatever veneration for God and the Sacred things in life someone holds, is - depending on culture - automatically sucked into the "religious domain" of the area. So, when I beat the Antichrist hard ... that's not getting read as Gnosticism winning over Catholicism ... it's a warrior of God defeating a warrior of Satan ... end of the story. Which confession either of them were ... would depend on where You sit in the world.

For a moment it might feel good and right ... because the forces of evil have been smitten, they have to escape, recollect ... so there's that moment of respite - and they'd use it ... . To then say: Yay, we won! And on the story goes ... just as before. They lick their wounds while I've won nothing but at least I've exhausted myself somewhat.


I'm still convinced that they're afraid of me. Like ... they sure do be running circles around me ... .

And I'm under the impression, that if my life were a Videogame, there'd be an accomplishment called "Soloing the Apocalypse". I mean, it's a thing floating around my mind ... "single handedly so and so" ... and I take it as a sign that I'm being too full of myself again.


It's a contention I'm having ... as it always seems to flow into these waters ... and I have ... no idea how there's anything to be accomplished. I'd say that timing matters, but there's no indicators as to what a good timing would be. There's no ... 'material footprint'.

There's no manifestation, no sign or indicator as to ... what any of it means or translates into outside of ... maybe a good feeling here and there that ultimately is more of a loss than a victory.

And then there's this ... let's call it a "wall of blanks". So, I'm sitting here, having written all this so far ... and then there's that voice. Or an echo. A distant call of some sort ... a scent maybe ... some hint of an idea saying: "What Material Footprint? RED FLAG! You're supposed to be a spiritual person. You can't care about material wealth" - and I think about it for two seconds and I'm sure I have to ignore it. Then it gets stronger. And I have to wonder: How would this even look like? By which I mean: A person that genuinely thinks/feels that way. From what I've written a reasonable person would understand what the relevance of a 'material footprint' is ... why it matters. And what I arrive at is some person ... just trying to do nothing. Like ... I have to do some mind Kung Fu to like ... win them over? Change their mind?

I don't know. So ... I was watching this video - to give You a pretty good example I suppose - some Professor Dave video; And to be fair ... I'm not sure how a conversation between me and him (this, my attack dog, apparently) would look; But there was, as usual, a jumble of shots from different places but most prominently Joe Rogan. And he's there, kind of doing what I'm doing ... strolling down the rabbit hole and taking shots at everything that looks wrong. He's there ... somewhere in the depths of the deepest jungle ... doing science communication.

And at that point some ... astral projection mess was unfolding in my mind ... me wondering about truth and clarity (cognitive clarity), identity and confusion ... and at some point I was like ... in a Zone with what might be the or an astral projection of Joe ... and from what I gathered ... I tried to like ... make my Astral Image project a cross. So ... to outshine what else might be there - like ... I don't know. Force, push outward, Light Jesus Cross, Amen. Whatever. It seemed to work, Joe was sorry ... but what do I do now? I tell him: Now do the right thing ... and he was like: No, can't do that!
And why? Assuming that this happened?
"It's not real". There is no material footprint for him to feel like ... it's a thing that is a thing.

I mean, he would have to come around to not being a grifter on his own, that's ... his responsibility ... and, I don't know what I can accomplish here! Still!


And anyway ... if it doesn't cost me too much I can go out of my way and "fetch the ball" ... it's not like it changes anything but ... my score.

Or my constitution. Now ... time has been lost ... but well. It is what it is.


And so, more to the point, there's a web of superstition, we might say ... possibly a whole bunch of half-truths and feel good stories woven together beyond human consciousness ... where some wait for an astral explosion maybe, aliens emerging from a cosmic portal, whatever. 'Something'. And they dare not look at reality because they take 'it' for the deception. It's almost gnostic in a way ... but the comparison is repulsive in a way also.

And it's ... well, a lot of things. I'm sure Professor Dave has some opinions on that ... at least after making the stuff more palatable to a rational mind ... like, around the angle of "appearance over substance". For myself, I get the impression that people look at me while they expect "the Prophet" to come like ... out of the box as tailor made to whichever individual point of view. Like, if You were to setup a grift ... to then produce "a Prophet" - who would have his script and all the answers. To say, it's a complete product with no holes or gaps.
But for those who dare look past the appearances.

And ... I suppose, to do a little bit of strategy here (I'm not entirely stranger to the concept), it might make more sense to start introducing myself as "the (neo-)Gnostic Prophet" ... so we're still open to all the conspiracy BS. I mean, as the Bible says ... there will be a lot of false Prophets. Which somehow suggests ... I suppose ... that a lot of people believe a lot of weird things. I mean, in the image - as a child? Teen? Young adult? - I'd see it as ... a bunch of people that are part of the same thing; Which they may very well be but the reality is also that ... there's a great deal of diversity in which they can attain a diverse appearance. One is a catholic, the other is an atheist ... - they're all different and not at all on the same team, but they are all kind of the same and definitely on the same team.

So, would those other Prophets be my peers? I'm not sure ... . I'd suppose that the things they'd discuss would be interesting ... . Sure sure. Is there some secret convention I might sneak into?

And now on with the script: As a gnostic prophet, the whole "ready out of the box" thing isn't ... ... uh, the simplest term here would be 'real'. Like, it just doesn't happen. I mean ... either I pop out of the womb with all the knowledge I'd need ... or something between then and there would need to bestow the relevant information upon me.

And so we wonder what that might be. An angel? A vision? But how would that look like? "Go tell them that they're wrong!" ... OK, cool! Someone else might be like: "some more news: Water is wet!"

To also run a little bit of defense and promo for myself: I was told that the way I write is indicative of me speaking from myself, rather than any other source. Any other source might be a scheme where I pretend I can pull the info I need from the ether. However I acquire my knowledge - it'd show unless someone with the relevant skill knew how to redact that stuff from the text. But ... I'll let the sages figure that shit out.

But so the question is of course by what process I attained the information I then share.
There might be some incredibly stingy summaries of how I got to what I share ... like, I just previously placed myself in a defensive spot that is now under scrutiny ... but the ship has sailed.


For all I, or anyone I suppose, cares - I could have learned what I learned by studying the motions of leafs moving in the wind. If there's a way ... and that's how I did it ... I could teach it. And that's the point.

And hey, we're back.


So - what I'm trying to apologize for here ... is whatever apology is warranted by ... well, to me it's a fact, that this astral nonsense isn't purely nonsensical. I mean, I say that there's something but I tend to ignore it. There's something that impresses upon me that I can't easily ignore ... but I try not to engage with it. Sometimes it's so thick I can't but engage with it ... and so most of what I know amounts to "pushing it away".

And whatever wealth of knowledge there might be had, whatever wisdoms one might procure from it - I don't have it. And so, however I would act if I had it ... is a fiction. And maybe it's a Crimson Toilet.

Like ... I don't have the first thing ... and so, the rest is ... speculation.


However. While this apology ... sounds, or is ... flat and maybe an excuse ... there are the parts where I do engage with it; And more to the point: In a way that manifests in my writing. On one side You and I ... don't know what's possible ... full stop. On the other, You don't know what's possible for me - based on my actual level of knowledge and experience. And that's crucial to then sidestep the could've/would've hearso sayso ... or as I say: It is what it is.

But if it weren't ...

But so, because I don't know what I'm doing ... there's problems. I think. Not only that. You lack the context for when I do what ... . And technically this is already ... way too deep ... into this nonsense because ... the 'You' in this past sentence is an abstract too. Maybe a deception ... but to me there's definitely ... something. "Maybe try this, maybe try that" ... and I do, and I come to write about it ... and I can't even properly explain the situation.

I'm "shouting at You" - but who's this You that is to feel shouted at?

And somewhere ... in all that ... I'm like ... conditioned by YOUR ignorance. YOUR ... collective ignorance. And some parts of it are heinous. Or how to put it. So, for instance ... I was just thinking of a video I recently saw ... as some things went through my mind while I was watching it ... but then there's this other face that's become a presence ... which appeared like ... in my thinking of that video, but that face was definitely not in that video. So, that face being Jesse Cox and that video being some ... those ... Leftie ... Serfs. There's the ... guy from the thing and the other guy ... and some black lady ... . But also I wasn't watching the video. I was watching some hypothetical conversation that might unfold between them ... discussing my situation and the matter of who's to make a move.

And I ... uh ... follow a "very strict" policy here. I mean, the quotation marks kind of don't belong - but there's also hardly a principle I have/had I haven't ... at least second guessed over the time ... like, on and off it seems warranted to ... "check again" ... but ... here's the story: It was early on in my journey, I was still living with my grandparents and my Grandpa wanted to go somewhere fetch something ... I don't know anymore. I came along ... and so we drove. And it was during this ride that I felt some kind of ... tentacles coming from me. Like ... my spirit leaking from my body ... reaching out for something to take a hold of. Subconscious in a way ... and I didn't know how to control them. They kind of did their own thing ... and I'm not sure anymore whether I had an intent of some kind or not ... but in a way they "invaded his mind" I'd say ... and in that moment something changed. Like ... his driving became a bit more erratic in that moment, which was unusual because he wasn't like that, then some confusion or anger ... I don't know, but it ... stuck with me to say: "Stay out of there". So, don't touch, don't try ... just ... keep to Yourself. In the moment I took it as "it's like doing brain surgery with chopsticks" - like, I just don't know.
At some point this situation evolved ... to higher concepts. Charisma, leadership, pushing and pulling. So, in this sense, Charisma and Leadership is all about ... basically getting Your tentacles into as many people as You can and pulling them along with You. "I understood what I was supposed to do, but I didn't. I couldn't ..." - I mean, I entertained the idea for a bit and then realized that ... no. This isn't it. I'd be pulling a bunch of Zombies with me, my life revolving entirely around controlling mindless drones ... and at long last I'd be collapsing under the stresses of trying to micro-manage everything while ultimately nothing seriously meaningful has been accomplished. Maybe some material footprint would have been there ... but all the wealth of knowledge and wisdoms it proclaims to hold would be lost because nobody ever thought to think for themselves enough to make it worth the while. And to be fair ... I'm not even sure how that would have looked ... given the substance of it all.

And still. I suppose I have those tentacles and I don't know what to do with them. They "won't go back in" - and they're kind of not me but still they feel like ... it's a part of me. And so, maybe there is some level of chaos and bullshit ... around me ... that ... is difficult to parse for strangers. And then it's easier to be cautious than it is to brave the unknown for not even any visible gain ... .
It is what it is.

And so I'm in a pickle. I start to feel something, like ... a sense of the idea ... and then I either say yes or no. Or so the idea. And I can't convince myself to pull anyone in ... so I rather push them away. So ... that part of me is telling You to stay where You are ... and do nothing. And I would tell You that if it tried something else ... to ignore it or lean against it.
That's because ... that's what my conscious self would want from my subconscious outgrowths. To leave people the fuck alone.

But then, obviously ... that's not what I want. I want people to think for themselves. But not only think - and that's perhaps the more important part here: To want.

Wanting and Thinking in harmony. To ... sort of ... want what You think and think what You want. There sure is a selfish way to go about it ... like ... "I want a million euros" ... #TheSecret ... and yea. About that ... it seems that what's happening there is to do with our subconscious tentacles. If You want to get rich ... You'll be selfish and Your tentacles will do what they can to further that agenda.
Then, if You actually know what's happening ... You can get to the actual Secret ... and maybe get spotted and someone might try to recruit You.

And yea. On another note ... there's a great many ways ... or ... two ... in which I learned the concept of "them not being to be trifled with". Or maybe just one. There's a lot of them, more than me at least, and so I'd be outgunned and outnumbered. At least outnumbered. And outgunned by virtue of time and energy constraints.

And that's the weird ... stench of that fantasm. I mean, there's this ... "figure" ... and their shtick is to like ... hop on a horse and ride off. Or on a flying mount. To like, project "go energy" and ... "hardy friendship" and ... some other motivational nonsense with them at the helm.


Hmm ... the term Big Dick energy comes to mind, I have to think of Asmongold getting emasculated by Mesmer and ... I have to think of my recording of my Mesmer fight that'll put some more tears on some people's faces.
Hmm ... I should work on that video ...
But then ... I wasn't trying to speedrun the game ...


Anyway ... but they also know their shit. It's like their bread and butter. Respect ... is however not the word that comes to mind for ... what I have for that.

I mean, whatever bouts I might get into ... if they involve someone else ... it's ... not going to help. But "good for me" ... or so I thought ... none of this shit is necessary. But so it's important that I convey to You the importance of some peace and quiet. "Pondering time". To ... find Your own way.

To the truth.

And yea ... that's ... the complicated part?
I mean, I find it so because there's a lot of confusing shit that people seem to believe in ... and arguments of reason don't do nearly as much as I'd have hoped they would. I mean, they might do in the moment - and isn't that the theme of the text here? - but then "the web" does it's thing ... and all the Shelob's and what have You come crawling out of the woodwork to get You wrapped up again.


Like, what salvation? Why salvation? From what? To what?
Then it's also like ... most people think, or "fall under the impression" that they did nothing wrong, they don't feel like they have to repent or whatever, or maybe it's just some weird concept that they've been conditioned to presume when it comes to Salvation. Like, ... . I mean, I recently watched ... "Wonderfools" it's called I think. Some Korean comedy/superhero thing ... and for however well it resonates with my message, it's also diametrically opposed to it when merely speaking of the individual concepts bereft of their respective context.

Or so: Salvation.
Then of course there's the whole "impending doom" angle ... where, I don't know what to say. I mean, it is what it is.


Hmm ... what else? So, I ... was briefly zoomed away into some theatre ... . Triggered by this text some people ... or more specifically: Daniel Jackson and some shadow people ... came to my house ... put a chair in front of it to have it be some makeshift throne for me. Then I felt like ... joining in the shits and giggles and sit down ... but then ... in that motion, starting the attempt, Donald Trump appeared sitting on it. Hmm ... I thought. Headshot ... sat down ... and again. Like ... overlaid. And so I zoomed back out ... and ... I come to realize that his, or their, obsession with the iconography they put forward is ... to make sure that their presence looks "good" in any context. It's like ... manipulating the algorithm.

IN FIVE DIFFERENT LANGUAGES!

And there's more than just astral Pull. Concepts like Salvation don't matter ... as there are people who are friendly and open and totally not anti-semitic and all that. And then there's probably potluck, and then You'll get flyers and merchandise ... .

So, basically ... it's just normal people doing normal people stuff ... but with a twist of sorts.

And yea, that's another "secret sauce" that I can't contend with. I'm here, stressed out, frustrated ... so ... I kind of must appear like a maniac when all they have to do is lean back, pull some strings and spend Your money.

And ... as for that. I mean, if there's some Astral Image of mine ... floating there for You to look at ... it can only be there, TRULY, if I'm actively "producing" it. But for the most part ... though they'd of course try to strategize around however I and You are positioned in this matter ... I would practically not be in control of "it". Eventually they'd catch me in an unfortunate moment; And then like ... use it like a recording. I don't know. Maybe ... I'm getting this part wrong.

And apparently, when You think about it enough ... a hand will stretch toward You with a ring You might kiss. And it's not like ... "optional". It's like shoved in Your face.


So, what to think? What to want? It's a ... complicated thing because ... as for me, those things are sacred. Like ... sure ... in a way I might think that I know the truth and thus have the right to ignore Your sensitivities. "It's for the greater good" - and that's right, because it's true. But because it's sacred ... I'm not trying to tell You what to think or what to want ... I try to ... give You options, if I can/may. And yea, maybe I'm good enough at it so that at the end of the day it seems like You have no choice and then that's the problem ... so, as for the sacredness of thinking and wanting ... isn't that just ... a violation again? Should I ... always end with a "maybe"?

Or is it the opposite? More certainty? More ... imperatives? "Repent or thou shalt burn in HEEEEEEEELLLLLLL!".


I mean, there's also so and so many things that I'd suppose are somewhat ... 'given'. Like ... when thought about rationally ... especially when looking at how things go these days ... of course. What do You expect?

But then ... I suppose that the individual belief in their own innocence is ... a formidable opponent.
Well, formidable ... . It's a challenge.

So, in this instance I suppose I/we have to be the bad guys to tell You the truth so You're without excuse when judgment has come.


I mean, You can try or be mad at God for ... the mess being there in the first place. I certainly had my issues and fallouts and ... episodes/moments on the matter - but those, I'd say, only really come to light in the face of stress. Like, me not knowing what to do ... me being unable to do anything but the will is there ... and ... so the last thing on my mind would be "why are things this way?".
The last thing as in ... at the end of the road that's all that matters and what then drives the anger.

It's like ... blackmail. There's this monster in the room and if You don't do this, this and that ... it'll eat You. From my understanding, there's a lot of 'personal issues' involved here. I mean, the concept of fairness is a thing; And then there's also jealousy. Jealousy is like ... a symptom of something being not entirely fair ... and if it's just the appearance//perception of the individual. And the best argument I found here ... or, I suppose it does in fact amount to an answer, is that we're all humans ... in this great sea of existence ... and be things as they may, we have to get along with each other. Or ... that'd be the goal. But what does it mean to get along? Who is to say? And oh my ... would You look at what those have that get to have a say? Wouldn't You also want that? Just ... hang out Your dong and wave Your hands a few times and all will be done as You wish?

Sure God would have to protect us from that; But that's ... technically a separate issue. Like ... I understand that people like to oversummarize things to get to some foregone conclusion when ... they feel like they have a point ... and Antichristians are like 2 or five, maybe 10 steps ahead of the issue ... (like, I would assume that they have understood the benefits of reverse engineering) ... but if You know where all of it leads eventually ... You can ... like ... see through a lot of the BS.
And no, it's not the trans agenda. It's more like ... ... just for an example ... I like to compare them to the Gua'Ould (I always forget how to write that) at occasion. Imposing themselves as Gods, using whatever they can to create the illusion while having servants and what not to maintain a cultural foundation for it ... while really just being parasites with no real advantage for the people they reign over.

I mean, just looking at the USA right now ... . I mean, there sure are some serious and scary ... things going on that don't belong in a comedy flick ... but because what they show us is a comedy flick, those ... kind of fall under the radar. And it's certainly not wrong to presume that there's a lot of stuff going on behind the scene that's a lot more serious than they would like to show.
But at the same time it's a dumpster fire in which a few people enrich themselves to the continued decline of the people they feed upon ... and it would seem that the confusion around it is so thick that people can't even think straight anymore.

And so, given the odds ... it's understandable why people don't feel protected - or like ... God is doing His job. I've certainly been there a few times.
But then there's instances like ... or rather the concept of preaching to them. Helping them. Making them repent. And kind of sortof ... end up making all hinge on that succeeding ... which they'll - in my opinion - never accept because in that moment they see that they have control over history again.

So, You have those saying that "they are evil" and the others "why?" - and then we'll throw insults at each other and the word Hitler will be thrown around a lot.

So, even now - in the face of total collapse and world-ending stupidity ... we're like ... unable to get along and solve our problems because "maybe" those that do all the bad stuff aren't all that bad or whatever.


I mean, people disagreeing with God isn't a new thing - and then You'd say that "if God made any sense ..." ... that'd be different - and still Hell is one such concept that people get issues over.
And yea, I do also, sometimes. I mean ... I don't know ... how ... to sensibly deal with the "there's no free will" crowd.

And at some point You're not getting any more answers, but put in the hole.
Seriously full stop.


I mean ... here's a thing that may be important: I'm rather certain that one of the Antichristian core philosophies is to expose God's injustice by being the perpetrators that HE won't stop. So, implicitly ... someone has to.


I mean, I guess ... boiler-plate description of Antichristianity ... would be rather obvious. It's in the name. But so, from me - it's a label for a group that is ... also ... that. What and why ... is anyone's best guess. But by common sensitivities they'd take the justice and righteousness angle. Fairness and such. To so sell themselves as "the good guys" ... because ... "hey, they share!". Sort of. But that's reasonable.

Underneath it all it's pure selfishness ... and maybe some personal gripe with some of God's decisions. Like ... how God favored Abel over Cain.


You can't say that "Cain did nothing wrong" - but You can say that God did start the chain of events. You can argue that God must have known that Cain would kill Abel, and by virtue of that, God killed Abel. But God didn't kill Abel, Cain did. And why? Because God looked at him the wrong way? Well, more because God looked more favorably upon Abel then upon him - and then he felt like getting rid of Abel might put him back in God's graces but obviously it wouldn't work out that way. So, maybe that's also ultimately why God "did it".

We might take it personally ... but also exposes a bit of human nature.

And it's a vile and disgusting bit of human nature. If I can't express true and honest feelings because someone might murder someone else over it ... then ... what are we doing?


Talk about RESPECT?


And yea. Maybe Cain was smarter than that and did the math and learned that he would have to acquire goods from Abel to have God look favorably upon him and he wouldn't have that. But yea, that would have been one way to go about it. But he was too proud or too selfish ... and don't tell me that You don't see the problem with someone murdering someone for such reasons.

Hmm ... it ... it's weird. I mean, going by the Biblical timeline ... that was 4000 to 5000 years ago. Which I think of to say how far down the road we are. To ... so ... 'resolve these kinds of issues'. To see where our own flaws, maybe, are a problem for others and that we all have a mutual obligation in this thing called society.
But it feels weird. I mean ... thinking of my own career ... which started like ... 3k years ago ... that's like ... it all seems so short right now.


"Am I my Brothers Keeper?". We can also read a certain attitude in that response ... and it seems like ... to this very day ... the thickness of some skulls has prevailed in the matter. "Preposterous to think that we might have to look out/take care for each other".

So, in some way then we have to talk about Wealth and Glory. I mean ... Pride ... has a lot of intersection with those issues. Well. Cain had no ... reference to treat or see God as anything but God. So, God ... was clearly above Him; Hence he wouldn't get pride issues over God being God. But his reaction then ... to say that it's inconceivable that someone else might have a higher standing than him ... is rather indicative of this ... 'self entitlement'; Which ... arguably ... has since been ... become some fantasy lore about natural born leaders and Godhood and some such nonsense. Which functionally is merely the strong - with the will to hurt innocent people - taking over control because nobody would stop them. It doesn't install a 'better' order - it merely installs "an" order that then only exists to fuel some egos.

And that then is more or less ... the natural state of our existence. And I ... well. I'm a symptom of God's work in this; Because ... in a perfectly natural environment I'd be ... in no position to write here, or maybe even speak.

That's my understanding at least. I mean, who knows ... but ultimately ... it's also not like I am ANYWHERE - but, simply, "removed from" ... .


And so, I'm not telling You what to think here. But ... I also think that this is a pretty clear cut case and I'm presenting it to You; So clearly ... that's what I want You to think.
Will it change your mind about it?

Or is Your mind already looking for excuses to wiggle away from responsibility and/or accountability?


And yea ... . I'm upset ... I'm ... this ... and that. I mean, I'm learning as I'm going and I wouldn't have written this ... under "normal circumstances" because I think that it's ... like, obvious. So, I'm not perfect. Ultimately I'm just someone ... someone upon whom God looked favorably ... and sometimes I feel like ... being cool with me is a little bit of a badge of honor.
And ... yea, there's the "I thought You were cool" kind of thing that they pull. Like, being cool is synonymous with being in full agreement with their nonsense. Like ... that was Epstein's thing also. I mean ... being an Arms Dealer ... is like ... "Looks Maxing" with a lot of money and government support. And when everyone is like "so cool" about it ... then ... yea, what about the rest? What rest?

And that's not God's doing. That's our own foolishness. Our own ... lostness ... in the sea of social dynamics, status quo and appearances. Like, how does one even become an arms dealer?


But ... anyway.
My goal is not to gather everyone up in one big tent or so. As I get around to this issue ever so often, You might already understand that I don't really have a plan. Or a goal. It's ... difficult for me to explain what I'm doing outside of ... "Me doing me". I suppose I'm a bit of a science communicator ... and by virtue of that would hope that my efforts can help making the world a better place.

I can only ... give You what I have ... and the rest is up to You. Or is there more?
Well, kind of. But ... whatever I might do, whatever opinions I hold ... they shouldn't matter to You all that much. It's a belief ... in a way ... of mine ... suggesting that we're supposed to somehow end up on the same page of things. The important stuff at least. And it's not like ... I have much of an answer regarding the questions You might have. So, maybe it helps to have [this text] for context ... which is the rambling I cut from this text ... continuing past "Or is there more?" ... as for some more convoluted path to the conclusion of ... 'trust Yourself'.

I guess that pretty much ... nails the issue I'm having. One however. I feel like, ever so often, people are looking my way for a confirmation or some opinion or whatever ... which, by the way, is awkward when You're not given the medal of leadership ... like ... am I involved? Am I not? I don't know!
But yea ... I guess it still matters in a way.

However ... it's also weird to feel disrespected in all my wishes and yet You'd respect my opinion enough to look to me for a statement. And the worse part is fear. That's the other side. Say we want to do X, but now someone has threatened us or put an obstacle in the way ... and then I have to figure out if we still want to do X.
And that's again like ... I mean, it's even worse than just pushing and pulling because now I also have to do threat assessment without any clue of what's going on. Then there's like ... a situation here and a situation there maybe ... and the ones over there should probably lay low while those over there should probably act up ... and I'm "this close" to taking out the Bible and reading through the opening passage of the 7 churches to see if that's of any help here.

And yea, naivety can be a strength. Like, ever so often the accusation of naivety feels like a hammer to smack down reasonable arguments. Or arguments that are TOO reasonable. Like socialism.

Anyway ... now I'm getting tired. ...