Super-Awesome Pixie Fairy - Go!

Hmm ... . Strange. ... . I feel ... calm. I ... feel weird about myself. Subconsciously ... about my past. It's like a dream. Like ... what I know and write about - "if true" - it should all come together. But uhm ... well. So ... ayayay.


I guess so, for now I rather stay ... bedazzled in my dreamworld.
It's OK.
I figure ...

I mean ... if true. But well, what else am I gonna do?


Anyway. Project Solar Eclipse has made some progress. I picked one of my Characters still in early game to pick up the world, where I have one version for the Character to progress in and one to build. In the latter I started out with my Hardmode stuff, but after having built an Ocean Motel I changed and then went on to dig the Hellevator. I also attempted to find the Aether, but the Jungle is almost up unto the ocean - so, it wasn't until I delved into the Jungle that I found it.

Digging in straight lines certainly opens up a different view of the world. ...


But I'm not so sure about clear Throughlines just yet. ...


[May 24th ... 2026]

So, fingers hurting, mind in ... a weakened state ... like, I suppose it's the weed. So, I'm kind of "ebbing" ... might be a good word. So, anyway. I woke up this morning and ... I had a weird feeling. I felt like slacking ... and watching Netflix or YouTube, but something kind of stopped me. So, instead I just sat there ... spiralling.
At some point throughout I figured - let's just say "I slipped". In the metaphysical sense, whatever grounds I'm on ... it's rough.

So, if You're waiting for Red Flags, today probably counts.

I don't know where it's coming from. Maybe it's sunday. Maybe, probably ... something like a coordinated attack. And I guess the most important issue that came through for me in all this - finally also like as a "ding" to my head ... like ... "check this out!" ... and I'm like "uh? ... huh? ... wait ..." ... so, it's vanity.

I mean, vanity ... and I, I suppose ... we need to have a serious talk. So, OK - for once, like ... what am I doing? I'm wasting resources playing a Videogame for some ... purpose of ... whatever. "Egomancy". OK, that might sound rough ... but from how I formulated the sentence I gathered that ... this is a legit viewpoint that stumbles upon a problem. The definition would indicate what is 'perceived' ... and the feeling of being disarmed ... speechless ... myself, I find it natural. I don't know what You think of the manner - and I'm not necessarily sure that I know what I think of the manner. And in the game of politics, I suppose, it's all about perspectives. Pulling people into this or that boat, for some whatever reason ... so ... in that sense it were either myself or you - who gets pulled. But here is where I ... well, am not like your ordinary person. Like, I suppose I don't get easily pulled ... when it comes to certain things.

But well, whatever. I just mentioned it because it turned into a point of interest for me. It's a "huh" moment, like ... OK. Kind of ... not unexpected. Like, I would say that "I'm the prophet, and I too am starting to lose my marbles" ... so ... anyway.

But more to the point, I suppose ... vanity is important to me. To us. I mean, image ... perception ... well, those are flawed descriptors of something like 'style'. But uhm ... so, Videogames. It's a Luxury, it's vanity - and I suppose I have no defense for that.


Maybe I do. But anyway. To begin with it, there's the deeper issue of vanity. From ... how the light shines it back on me ... I might be vain to the core. Like, my whole thing with God and Jesus ... I'm just looking for THE man. Well, OK, that's unfair untowards me - but when we're here dealing with fractures, the potential for creative choice is implicit. Now, I don't necessarily know much about it - but, it's more like I have a certain standard of expectations. And when it comes to my creative work, that ever so often leads to frustration. It's because I have difficulties ... dealing with my own flaws.
And sometimes we can't but look away, I guess. From ourselves, from others ...

But then, I'm different. So is one of those truths of mine. I mean, I'm not sure. The who I am or what I am - the wases and ises ... like ... "Ancient of Days". I mean, if You want to logic it through, there's an aweful lot that comes out for me, if I am ... who or how I think I am. I've been alive ... for many lifetimes. As Jesus said that I - implying myself as John here - would be around until the end, but that the idea about me not dieing ... is an interpretation neither confirmed nor denied.

And what for?
The riddles of the universe ... who knows? They're endless however, that much I'm quite certain of. And at long last, God always finds ways to make sure that we're ... surprised ... .

Like, my vanity. I mean, I have a certain taste ... a sense of pride maybe ... but overall I don't ... care much about obtaining it. That's kind of the issue with ... the Loadouts ... between Hunter and Ashera ... for instance. With Hunter I tried to obtain ... some sense of self. With Ashera I just grew into it.

God is usually like ... way ahead of me. And he bedded my grandma self way before I knew how to get tired of Him being this way.
But here's this ... truth. The thing keeping me sane. You're all working on something, and me being around won't do You any good and to do right by me You need me to wait it out. But why does it feel wrong? Something does.


And so, again, however I flip and turn it ... 'vanity'.
Like, what else am I gonna do? Or be concerned about?

I mean, it starts with it. Attacks against my ego, my pride. Being humiliated, lied about, lied to ... so that by all accounts I'm a literal shitstain ... smeared all over the wall for all to see. And at long last I'm told that I'm a bitch and that I want it this way.

So, I don't know ... but ego became a part of it long before I had a say in the matter.
And like ... if Tolkien wrote himself to be the villain? I mean ... I must think how far back the grievances must go ... so that I might take credit for something ... to try and rectify. Is it Saul?

I mean, that's the other side of the story. The ... "if true" ... where I'm the villain. The mean ... "Bastard Son" or whatever ... who just got God's graces for some odd reason ... . But oh no, it's a lie and we're just spending all of our lifetime trying to deceive him into whatever it is that we do.

Or her. Who knows?

Well, that truth of mine. I ... I don't know how different I am. Or if it's just lies I tell myself. But I do what I can and from how I get it, I tend to get back on my feet. I have a certain harmony about me that implies a certain demand which given any set of circumstances is like ... bound to be [something God enjoys] - as the harmony stresses its outcome. There is no here nor there, because in as far as I'm able to - I'll regard either as a part of it. So, sure. I'm not perfect. I can be mistaken, misguided, misdirected ... but ... at long last God also has a say about those things.

My only problem might then be the vanity within - or so, my ego ... which is then why I ought to be small. Like a pixie. Or fairy. A pixie fairy. A Super-Aweseome pixie fairy.

But also titanous.

And of course I want to look good - but uhm ... well. In the end I traded one set of boots for another set of boots and it all seems to boil down to the same. I mean, I try not to be hung up over these things - like, I barely take time to try and look good when I leave the house - I mean, it may easily be a lost cause. I certainly can't help myself enough.

So, I need to find my truth somewhere else?


Oh my. My head. I'm ... all over the place again.

But well. Just before I started writing this, I got a "well done" ... for not losing my mind. So, yea ... chakka pum patz! But now I want to practice the Mech Bosses I guess. Chakka Pow.

The End is Nigh! My wallet grows slim ...