Slimecatcher 2000 and the Heart of Contention

Ouch. Oh my. OK ... maybe, ignore the latter part. There's something that hurts ... it's terrible and I can barely comprehend it myself. It has a place now ... in my World and ... issues that are linked with it. But ... oh my. This is ... well. Let's ignore it.
For now.

But a part of it is also visible here. I mean, to me. It's the chaos, the noise. My Arena ... looks good to my inner eye, but visually ... it's a clusterfuck. I mean, for purposes of navigating the space - and differentiating objects from each other via visual cues.

There's a Madness and there's a Logic to it, but also a Madness to the Logic - and so on. And very deep down I'm terribly desturbed. And it might all seem like ... nothing. I might be hurting myself. Well, subconsciously.

There's a right and a wrong, then a deeper right and a deeper wrong.

One thing that's wrong here is, that spawn is too close to base. So, the Base is basically just one screen to the right. So, just the same width of the image ... and You should already see it clearly. Hence the build tries to lean or move to the left - and well, ultimately I'm going for a "ruined dungeon" look I suppose.

Like, sometimes I want to do something and I don't. And I'm not sure. Sometimes I delay something until I finally get around to it. Other times when I get around ... I come around from the other side. And it's a thing. Why put time and effort into a thing, that doesn't have much use compared to the effort put in ... when measured against the bigger shifts within the cosmos? So ... I move eratic, see boundaries where there are none ... and ... sometimes ... well, ... .

Hmm ... so ... in part I'm getting around to it. The heart of contention ... is ... . A name for a place I ran into. Nothing special there is ... except ... after I broke into a cave ... something kind of shattered my spirit. I felt like I had comitted a tragedy and tried to fix it but things only got worse. I got upset with God ... for a bit ... because ... I don't know what's up. It's like He's sneaking into my game and messing with me. And ... I don't understand it. But after some inner-eye-trospection ... I figured that ... it has to be something like that or whatever, but right now I can't ... but, leave it hurting maybe. Hmm ... well. So, I became cautious and ... stopped doing what I was doing for a bit ... and ... slowly but surely uncovered like ... how that place ties into and connects with the layout of the dungeon. And I suppose I have to be really careful ... if I want to get the most out of it. Or just ... take it all in for a bit longer. Let ... my vision of the place come about slowly ... . I mean, for once there's a straight line I intend to dig. Like, segmenting the world and creating access tunnels ... seems like a good plan - and so I'd just go and do it. Simple enough. But then there's ... it's like inner Demons that plague me. Though it might just be my inner child, trying to play ... .

Between freedoms and restrictions ... balance and disarray ... there is an inherent insanity, I guess, that comes together where God cannot possibly give us the full picture. It comes with the matter. If we insist to have a complete understanding ... then God can only do "so much" - and to that effect, well, we're here ... free.

For us to be at our own pace ... of understanding. We know what we want, where we want to be - and what God might to do help us. And "if so and so then I would so and so". Sure thing.

But the moment we rely on God's foresight, or want to - so, the moment we would implore God for anything but the inevitable outcomes of our own foolish hearts - some part of it is going to defy our understanding. And at those points of stress - we have to be cautious. It is our own ... problem, as part of the cost, the innate cost, of following through with His ideas.


And, well ... as for me ... what it means is like ... usually an "out in the open" type thing. At least for all I care. Wether people can't or won't ... I need to make up my own mind ... find my own way ... and whether or not God is with me ... who knows? For how I see it, whether God is good or not is still left to be seen. I could lose it all and have my worldview disproven - or my God could, as He claims, come in for me and set things straight.

And it would have to be He - to say, beyond me. Beyond what I might ever hope to accomplish by myself.


Well, I say that the cosmos is my friend. I realize that ... between all the ways God shows or might be seen ... it's those that are the furthest out where I find this familiarity. It's not just God, it's the cosmos. It's not just cosmos ... it's the living mind inside of it. Deep down, deep within, from the beyond ... as with infinite foresight.

Well ... hollow dreams?

Broken aspirations?

So, when You look at this build, what do You see?

The cross for instance. I was there ... confused and clueless how to spice this up, trying things, and yea ... it's all in there somehow. It's like I can't ... or won't ... sometimes. So I ended up with a cross ... then noticing that this is literally spawn. It might come with some ... it might raise suspicion. But whatever. It kind of stuck.
And I guess ... that's just me. Sometimes ... I'm like a walking knot.
Hmm ... I should tear it down and go for something less tructural ... more stonehengy - like the original.
So, tear it all down?

And so it ensues, the screaming and yelling inside of me - this and that part of me in contention with each other ... and I myself don't know what to do.

From a practical standpoint I can add, that what's made of Aetherium here is probably better made of Meteorite. Meteorite has the advantage that it's visible at night while not being too demanding in its presence. The Aetherium here I feel ... pulls it all apart a little - and the main structure vanishes as it provides no contrast. Instead the frame jumps into the foreground ... creating the illusion of structure that then confuses the mind trying to navigate it.

And how would I know? Well, somehow I learn that from looking at my work. It just ... makes sense I guess. But so, there are rules ... and ... I don't know them. I don't have a clear plan. I mean, I have an idea - like in brode strokes. But I haven't quite accepted it to be a general theme or throughline just yet ... that I am to follow for sakes of ... simplicity and creative ease I guess. And maybe that's what the heart of contention needs. Something ... true and honest. Or ... the creative agenda's equivalence thereto.

Which is where it continues. Well ... it's a sore spot it seems. Something I might obsess over indefinitely ... which I worsen in the attempt of fixing it. I should just ... ignore it maybe. Take a few sticks of dynamite and ... yet. It's like a ghost. One that seems to echo from the geometry of the map. ...
Sort of? Precisely?


I suppose it also is to do with identity. I have this bug, I suppose ... implanted in my head ... that like ... taunts me ... by claiming that I'm not original or have nothing original. Like, pointing at how I dress myself ... in other people's work. And I suppose that's at odds with how I generally talk/present myself. Here I'm the most original one and stuff. But, one is to draw the line between works of fiction and reality - is one not? And if I'm a cosmic entity on par with Dark Phoenix ... then that's what I am. There's like ... no two ways about it.

It's strange ... don't You think?

I mean, we are in this together - after all - and while a lot of what I think about the matter seems to be bogus, the whole ... story when coated in works of popular fiction ... would very well, reach and breach those kinds of scales and heights.

I mean, who is Jesus if not the epicenter of existence itself? The manifestation of eternity's consciousness. So, what does that make ME? His beloved?

It's a simple equation really. It comes down, sure, to His preferences and demands and decrees and such ... but in as far as He's concerned about our well-being and growth ... I'm contempt with it. I mean, I certainly feel free ... to an extent. An extent that is very well ... within the bounds of reason. But then ... this is where things start getting judgmental.

I mean, HE certainly has a much greater understanding for our little dirty secrets than we dare to imagine - and I suppose we should also let this line stand on its own here. The freedom and its boundaries on the other hand, it sure is the topic here ... and as I see it, the concepts of good and evil are ... long gone for where my conflicts emerge.
Right and Wrong is so far beyond ordinary measures of good and bad ... I suppose it's its own flux of chaos manifestations.

So ... what am I? Do I need to paint You a unique set of armor? I mean, to be real ... I don't even know what theme to pick. Then ... what patterns to merge. It's all so limiting ... . Perfection on the other hand, I find is simplicity. Where we abandon to care over the depths of nuance that we might entertain ourselves with - and return to the basic things that make things last.

Like - in a way it seems like people want to put a measuring tape to that which is divine. To measure its quality. M'kay. So, whoever did the art-design for Darksiders ... the Heaven/Angel stuff in particular, that sets a pretty high bar to clear. So, for visual appeal and theming ... it's pretty dope stuff. I can't even decide on a color theme. For this one I'm going with green however. For once, that's the natural glowing moss of the world. But also ... green just keeps talking to me ... and encased in white and black I find it to be really appealing. But beyond that ... I also find it to be cold. In a way. Chilling? Restrictive? Barren?

And yea ... there's play and exploration to it. One does and discovers. What I am? Who knows? I'll know it when I see it - I suppose. Until I'm whatever I am so far and up until then. Like ... conscious selection requires a set of options, basically, or else it's always a shot into the dark. So, if one is to settle on something ... or with it ... it's kind of a big deal. Like, You're supposed to know and tell, then and there, that that's it for the rest of ever ... .
I mean, I get it. I'm the sentimental one. I'm the one sticking with bad weapons rather than chasing all the newest of the shinies. I'm left behind in that regard - certainly ... not a top contender. I'm the one try-harding a bad build rather than going for best in slot and proven strategy.

I'm the one bitching about having to adapt.

And sure. If there's a rigorous grid of that sort that we map into as to be measured against, I'm not perfect. Which should come as a relief to You, because any better than me might be overkill. And yet I feel like people act that I ask them to be perfect. I mean, what else would there be to bitch about?

I mean - I'm playing my own game solo and still I can't help but feel scrutinized like ... there's anyone actually giving a fuck.


Anyway. This slimecatcher construction works ... where, slimes can't get to You on that platform. If You build high however, they might jump onto You, which is where a roof comes in handy. And I'm assured that this is a bad design when it comes to zombies. Zombies that come from the right fall forward just enough to bypass the jumpslope and that way can get in. Also, the platforms extend a little too far I think, so they can get on top of that and then further down to You. Also bad.

Hammering the corner into a slope might do the trick ... .
Anyway ... I'm tired now ...