Something that Irks me

OK, how am I here? So, I was playing Terraria - go figure - building my Life Fruit Jungle Box-a-magic ... when the announcement came that a Meteorite landed. "Oh no!". I went checking it out, got a bit lost with my clutter - and something went through my head. I mean, I suppose ... there's a form of therapy ... where You use physical objects to ... 'manifest' ideas and move them around. And certain constellations of shape and color ... they trigger little sparkles here and there ... and there, deep within ... a constellation emerges ... and something is off. Something about me, how I conduct myself, what I ... say. I'm like ... afraid a horrible mistake is going to happen. But it's like ... what can I do? I have to look the other way.
Or so I thought. I don't know what it is. There's ... like reflections in a Crystal cave. Fictional. Like, ... hmm.


These moments come and go, but this one ... there's ... something frightening about it. Possibly a ruse or whatever, but so ... I don't know. I wondered. "What should I do?" - and now I'm here writing about it. And while going through the motions ... stopping the game, launching sublime, opening a new page ... well, by now I'm conflicted enough to question the whole thing. I mean, it's like ... inverted in on itself - and it's like ... I don't know which side I'm on.

I mean, deep down there, somewhere, I reckon that one has to get me wrong ... for ... whatever the heck to occurr. And I'm like ... I don't even ... . Well, it seems to be elusive. Some things ... certainly are. Like, I get the thought "Maybe they know Kung Fu" - and ... I'm like ... OK, cool ... how does that help me? I mean, long long time ago. So, I put it aside. Then there's this head-theatre and people get all cooked up - and then they learn the hard way and ... or, we ... I suppose. I don't know ...

I'm confused.

And so I went into this with an idea like: How am I supposed to be in charge, when I don't know what's going on? And sure, I may very well just ignore "all that" - like, there's nothing to be seen anyway, and just "do my thing" - but, yea, cool. I'm doing my thing ... and now what?


I mean, I can't shake this feeling that I'm like ... treated like QAnon, like ... You need mystics and sages to decypher my words ... because, sure, one way or the other - one needs to have "the upper hand" such as to say ... where what is going. And where there's a hand to push me away, there needs to be a hand to push back ... or else ... that's ... just how it'll be.

Basically.
Practically.

And sure, divine intervention is always a possibility ... and for the most part it doesn't show. So ... am I wrong for looking at things this way?


It'd be fine if people could disagree with me - rightfully so - without right away tieing a noose from it.
And well ... eventually ... things will just ... fall into place. I suppose.

One way or another. But not because we just sat ... idly by. Though in a way ... I guess ... that's exactly what we did. Like, ... well. I suppose to each their own stories.

And at the tippy top, well ... my fallibility is a very real issue. It helps you not rely on me too much ... and I suppose it also helps seeding healthy expectations. And now ... if You don't mind ... I'll return to whatever I did. Those ... concerned for me, I suppose ... . Yes. This ... is difficult, has been ... and I'm ... like ... under the impression that I need rest.


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