Fetching the Ball

I don't know if it's true or not, but in my mind ... I like to believe it's a thing. It doesn't matter tho. I'll just make it one. There's a "game" called "fetch the Ball" - where all You have to do is to fetch the Ball. But already it's not as easy as You think, and I'll make it even harder by asking You questions like: "Are You too stupid to fetch the Ball?" or "Are You a Dog?".


So, how do You fetch the Ball, without making a fool of Yourself?

I guess it depends on who You're playing with, and why ... but there sure comes a point where just being in a situation like this is game over.


Should I now make things difficult for You ... ? I mean, if I did, that wasn't intentional. It's probably voices from the off that add a comment on anything I'd ask of You. Well, what am I "asking" of anyone? I mean, as for my troubles, it doesn't come down to what I'm 'asking'. It comes down to sentences such as "I have enough luminite to build with it". While You have no idea how much I played the game. Not that it matters ... except ... . I mean, it just ocurred to me, that if You play the game 'enough', that isn't an issue. But ... of course.
Well, there was this guy ... . He was the one introducing me to #2, "self proclaimed?" "Messiah of Stuttgart" - well. We sure were crazy. That was our thing, our little gang of "Outsiders". Or, it so was thrust upon me. Anyway ... at some point #2 started to talk like he's a curse. So, when we went out to get dope, sometimes there was none. And eventually #2 started to point the finger at him. And eventually I was convinced enough to ... dislike his company. Today I have other reasons to just ... not associate with anyone from that time ... but he was ... well ... "that kind of guy". He would also speak of his Video Game accomplishments, but I didn't believe he even had a PC/Console. He was also "that kind of guy" ... we weren't allowed to visit. So, total privacy/lockdown in a way. And I can't help but think, at this point, that ... I mean, I feel it.
But, from my perspective ... there's nothing wrong with what I'm telling You. And if You're to make up Your own context ... that's a You problem, I think. I mean, it shouldn't be all that important and so on, but uhm ... I digress.
So, totally different situation.
And that's what it is. Sure You have to evaluate ... and come to a conclusion for Yourself.


I mean, I Love videogames. Although these days ... Love is a complicated word for my relationship with them. So - what gets me is this idea that, yea, You might be curious about ... what I'm up to. So, it is what it is. I suck at Street Fighter, in Soulslikes I'm still having skill issues and farming/grinding isn't really the reason I play games. I do it, from time to time - because ... You got to do what You got to do ... how else to get enough Luminite? (Well, those blocks are ugly - so, I'm good) And Yea, You'd be telling "me" those things to tell "me" what I a noob or whatever I am. And sure enough, I had not thought about it enough. It wasn't the topic anyway. But then ... I mean, I pretty much stopped playing WoW after doing two Archaeology quests. I was like: If this is the game now, if that's what I pay the monthly subscription for, then I'm done here.
What was I ... ? Uhm, whatever.

And it's weird. I mean, I haven't really put a lot of thought into it and I don't have much in terms of MMORPG related inspiration - but it's weird how the progression of these games is like ... bent against itself. They start like social experiences and somehow it ends up being work. Chores. Whether You do them as part of a Group or not ... might not make that much of a difference. You're still "just playing WoW".

I might even be better off because I don't have any ... what's the word? Responsibilities but Social? Attachments? Obligations ... to be there.
And when I go, that's a nice opportunity to give me a nuckle for Good Bye. Like, I can't just "leave" - I need to have a vile or hillarious or stupid or loser-esque reason to do so.
Obviously!


Naturally.


So, I love them - I occasionally feel like sharing and the whole "chit chat" I pretty much just ignore. Because, what I'm doing isn't whatever that talk is all about. So, if I'm not good enough here or there, I'm sorry - I guess.
And occasionally I think I break the mold ... and then ... I don't know, but I believe there's more than enough BS going around.


How does it go? They tarnished my image, but I personally remain untouched.
Or I got paid for it. I mean, there was a time ... and it's hard to say ... .
I mean, I did get the offering to be someones concubine or how to put it. And for the Love of God I can't figure out ... what made him think that that's like ... a thing. I mean, he was there a few times and ... I never had a Customer I was vibing with less. There was that one old guy who also had no clue what he was doing ... and ... "these types" ... they're, as I put it, a category of their own. Which makes me wonder ... what that Category is. I mena, "most" people, or "normal" people, they have a "thing". Like a kink or ... a need or whatever. Something to connect with and ... it's not complicated. But these people ... I suspect all they know is to exact power over others - and that's it. I mean ... that old guy was like ... how to put it. I sat on top of him trying to figure out what it is that he wanted. He was like moving me (arms, body) around ... then he was fine ... the he was displeased again ... and I just didn't get it. "What do You want from me?". And that other guy, I mean ... it was like being with a rock. Or worse. They're, I'd assume, allergic to people having good fun. Because whenever I was vibing, he was like "nu uh".
Making him cum was just the most unpleasant experience ever. And I made someone cum who told me that he thought he couldn't do it anymore. I was basically just laying there, doing the motion (with my hand) - and the more bored I got, so it seems, the more he got off on it. And when he came it was also like ... weird. Like a sprinkler.


So, in that mind - I wonder what it is that "they" actually have, because Sex and Sex-Appeal don't seem to be it.


I mean, they might call it Sex, but ... . I mean, I can only imagine and I don't have a lot to go off, but uhm ... I figure it has to be like ... "Anti Sex". So much for complete inversions and alternate realities.


So, I was contemplating these things and thus asked a friend/collegue about her experiences ... and yea, I mean. From how she put it, she had size issues. I mean, she was a "Type A Bimbo" - well, not the glossy instagram type, but ... apparently all her clients were too small and so ... she had different issues. And yea, I guess ... there's like ... a space ... where 'sensuality' like I know it just doesn't seem to exist and size is all that matters.

Well, my ass knows the feeling.


So, am I making progress on this topic after now ... a century of abstinence? I mean, there seems to be an overlap, talking about Sex and Anti-Sex ... which then ... yea. It checks out. So, if all You know is Rape ... sotospeak ... and You boil it all down to what matters to that end ... You get Anti-Sex.

And they make a huge deal out of it like they discovered the Philosopher's Stone?


I mean, it is, in a way, the whole thing in a nutshell. I like ... to vibe with whom I have Sex with. They seem to either be allergic or blind to it - however. So, You thus can't "show them" - like, have them partake in the experience to evaluate it. That just doesn't ... happen because it's all just ... down to raw physical violence. And if You can't deal with that and You complain You probably get slapped around. So ... "yay!".

Their Kamasutra is probably called Necronimicon.


I mean, is it true? Recently a story popped into my head and I'm like ... "no way". But I can't get it out of my head, so - let me indulge in some baseless accusations. So, the Antichrist loves eating Boy Penis. So, if You have a special audience with him, he'll serve You a dish ... and You'll have to eat it; And then he'll tell You that it's boy penis - to use that as an ice-breaker to get You hooked on the extent of the depravity he wants to offer to You. And, from what I "hear", he's "tired of pretending it's not".


But yea, I'm convinced that most of what they got, in terms of pull, is really just an illusion. They certainly have the power to withhold things from ... us, to the point where we can't even tell ... what. But the "promise" that it's the best thing ever ... well, I don't know. I don't want to venture down that cavern.


I for myself - apart from all that - think I have found my happy place. But that's a story for another day.

... hmm ... what now?

I don't know what it is that You think I'm trying to accomplish

But for starters I refer to Chapter One of "Of Order and Chaos" - as that is to set the stage. So, History ... or ... if You so will: "Shadow History" or "the True Story" ... helps us understand where we are. And that's important. But not to everyone. So, if You learn that technically You are part of "the Bad guys" - Your impulse to topple Your government might yet be relatively shallow. Mostly because You don't have a REAL incentive to do so, unless Your sense of Righteousness is strong enough to do so. And at that point, You're probably already there doing all in Your might to ... make the best of things. But here then the same issues arise. Like, if You feel like repenting and turning towards Christ, You might think to become Catholic. It's like ... so right and still so wrong.

I mean, there's the story with Eshem. She has her two servants ... Selfishness and ... another Selfishness ... or ... how about we name them Moloch and Mammon? Works the same. But the thing with Selfishness is, that doing well for one's self is at the heart of it. So, there will be a lot of "Good" that can be found when associating with those who thoroughly indulge in Eshem's offerings - I would assume - while I would almost certainly bet, that each and every one of those 'guilty pleasures' is designed, engineered and crafted to be a GUILTY one.

Meanwhile I, think of me as 'literally Atlas', don't know how to deal with "all those emotions". Whatever I built, however well I feel about it at first, eventually I felt it crumble and turn into the opposite. And I don't know if it's my fault, or if that's just the way things are. And the more I produce, the more of those cracks start to form ... . Or is it just my understanding that's eaten away by the facts of the world? Anyway ... I don't know how to deal with it.

The only thing I can do, is the ultimate Loser move. It's the ultimate Loser move because it's kind of my Ultimate (like in a Videogame, so, the most powerful Move of a Character) - but so they know it's coming and hence it doesn't do anything because their laughter outweighs the truth it contains. Like ... that's just the social math. I can't like ... literally Goku SSJ3 Kamehame-Ha that shit in Yo face. It's just WORDS.

Meanwhile they'd come with like a squad of 10 to play like a social Musical (a "Raid" in an MMORPG) - to say: Choreographed - and that's like ... of course ... better than what I have because ... how am I going to get my word to You?
So much for "going Super Saiyan".


One question ends up being that of who Your enemy is. If You even have one. You wouldn't be stupid to only acknowledge hostility when it's thrown Your way - but "well executed" Hostility might, to You, look like friendship.
And that's the problem.

I mean, we are - or were - friends with the USA, regardless of their transgressions. Like, what do we care about some sandcastle Dictator? They don't appear friendly to us, the USA do appear friendly to us ... "it's got to be alright" we say.
And hating on Israel, as a German, that's like ... I mean, we're emotionally compromised here! Like, tickling that "purge the world from the infidels" gene.


You can't really see the world for what it is, unless You get the facts straight. And how do You do that, if they aren't available?
Say ... look at the Roman Catholic Church. Are You catholic? If so ... my condolences. You can say that the "theory" or "belief" is that they're the Church of the Antichrist. But all they have to do is to do/say the opposite of what their other mouth is doing to give You the impression that 'no', actually, they're "not that bad".
Then the other mouth is like threating to fire Rockets at the Vatican ... and You're like "yea, they can't possibly be on the same side". Except ... whether or not rockets get fired is, counter to popular belief, not a matter of random chance based on shit people say. Give or take.

I suppose it depends on the target.

But if You look at Scripture and History, they certainly are the Bad guys. With history, OK, we can say it's "Generational", but Scripture ... if You take it seriously, You can't be Roman Catholic; And You'll see and read everything that comes from them with at least a little bit of suspicion.

So, these days, it takes like effort to get to that point. It's like ... You need special equipment to stay grounded. And then You may ask: What's even the point? And that's ... yea, off You go, I get that feeling that something just cracked, again ... and I'm back where I started.

On top of that, I'm not sure, sometimes ... whom I'm addressing. I end up with a person on my mind that at some point flagged as suspicious; And try to give them the benefit of the doubt. So, worse case: I'm dismantling their strongest defense. A.k.a.: The people whom You'd least suspect.


I mean, innocence - in broad daylight - means nothing. Everyone is innocent, in broad daylight. Unless they're doing a crime at that moment. And even then. Mouths to feed, debts to pay, ... whatever. Sob stories are there enough.


There's a different term for "this". It's "systemic oppression". If You're wronged and You don't have the means to defend Yourself, that might be Your entire reputation gone and sullied. And how do You redeem Yourself, when the one who did You wrong ... can still enjoy all the benefits of the world and society? "Social Decorum" makes it like ... impossible to get to them.

And before too long You might find Yourself there being sorry that You were upset about them raping Your wife and kids.
And I'm sure there's plenty of reasons to not fault You for it, but ... there is a pinch of "I told You so" that's already going around. And ordinarily I'd be like: "Check Mate, we got you now!" - but alas, that's not ... how things have played out so far.


Which is why my rhetoric has changed. There is no winning this ... like that. There doesn't seem to be a system in place ... willing or capable of righting these wrongs.

What it's all about

Isn't all that complicated. However, once we step past the fundamental principles of Justice and the Gospel ... things get weird. I mean ... political. There's the Gospel itself ... and just that alone is all that matters. And by Gospel I mean ... maybe it's complicated ... but if You don't start by hooking God into Your efforts ... who else is going to help You?

But as we move past the thing itself and unto the proposed consequences ... things get difficult? Are we socialist? What kind of socialism? What are the proposals? The details? Is there a Plan? And yea, that last thing. No there isn't. And ... that's maybe important. I mean, "the System" and it's agents don't need a Plan. The thing works ... one way or another ... . So, whatever one has to say to just ... keep it going ... is already "good enough".

We on the other hand, we can't but ... do as one has to. It's the same here and there and everywhere. It starts with an idea, it's discussed, so on and so forth ... until we arrive at a solution. But what seems to be expected from us is like a Blueprint ... that details everything down to the very last thing. Like ... Janitors and Cleanup personell. How is that going to be a thing in our Socialist Utopia? "I don't know! We'll know it when we get there!".

But yea, maybe an apology is in place. Like ... we were thinking this is like ... an open marketplace of ideas and we're just spitballing ideas and checking the facts to arrive at the best possible outcome. Our bad.

And I don't know. I don't think I can land this punch any better.