The weight of my betrayal

Oh my, Drama. Well, this isn't our fault. And so it begins. Isaiah 40 ... . Drama.

What about this, what about that? How could we have known? Well - would it have changed anything? I mean, the knowledge of the do's and don'ts, the what's right and nots, does that really preclude people from doing those things?

Am I to be entertained by the idea that people still muse over those things, not having figured out like ... the first thing? I mean, it's always rules here and rules there - rules everywhere until they ought to apply to one's self. I mean, by experience that's where we conveniently rely on our own rules. Well, I do this therefore I won't do that.
And have I not fought well? See, my Lord - He knows. And what's the deal? What's the point? Nobody cares?


How is it, that when rules are so important to everyone, that nobody is following them? Oh, they start pointing fingers to the others ... well. How much guilt can one immigrant bear, against now the corruption we've seen from politicians? And where are those mindless thoughts coming from? How is it that amidst ourselves we say so - but from top somehow they come to somehow say otherwise.

What rules are there? Had ye known? Did ye not know? Wasn't it foretold? Isn't it written? Weren't the signs given? Wasn't it all there, but finally, Your understanding or lack thereof, purposeful or otherwise?


Why do You need me to tell You these things. People come up and say: Hey, please don't teach that woke Jesus nonsense here, and yet they pride themselves being Christian and followers of God. Tell me, is anyone therein serious about the word of God? Following the word, understanding the way?
I mean, there are serious symptoms of a woeful misinterpretation of the word at display there - and in all the books and writings about misguidedness, we merely find hints of the abomination of the real world; Which is all of that combined. Somehow, but kind of ... "of course it is".

Am I going to get to the point? Well ... if You have eyes to see and ears to hear ... .


We say "respect" - or any one such word to even just begin then, as requested, laying it out - and before we say another word they laugh, repeat the word with ridicule, and start reciting the litanny of selfish ignorance.

They want to flip the word and control the narrative; And therefore I'm telling You that the truth is important. For however the words get flipped, the meaning behind is ultimately what matters. And sure, at some point I'm not talking TO them but ABOUT them. Is it another betrayal of mine? Me being evil?


I want to ask You, if God would send a servant that is capable of all the wrongs I feel accused of. Well, accusation is perhaps a bold word in this case. Anyway, however we'd phrase it, there are so and so many I think that would say "Yes" - and make a whole case about why that's why they don't listen. All faults then remain in the past and must be persecuted to the last breath. Where was room for an explanation to even matter?

It is time and time again the same story it seems. Like a cycle, perhaps.


People would look at me and say: "No way! This is the one? You must be crazy!" and continue seeing the worse of the paints sprayed against the wall. So, how could I be the one? Unless God had gone out of His mind? So, is it me then? Am I so repulsive? Oh wait ... that's kind of what it says there ... isn't it? So, could people have acted differently? I mean ... possibly not. And why?

I mean, I would think that there's a matter of responsibilites to be discussed. Who's at the end responsible for everything. You know "Take me to Your leader!". And yea, I mean, people are right when they feel like ... this or that isn't their responsibility. It's anyway ... kind of ... backward to have responsibilites move from top down ... where then the bottom also ends up with all of it, so ... why is anyone there "on top" again?

So, to those who cared I should have been illuminated like a Christmas tree. And then I'm like ... . I mean, the picture is nice - but say, some kind of backstory makes this all a little weirder. The issue went from "what I have to say" to "can I break free" a long time ago.

For me. Am I wrong?


I mean ... there's this thing about "the Drunken Servant". And I really can see how I fit that description. But whether I was good or not, that's up to my boss to decide. And the way I see it, I'm in dire straits. As fault of my own? Well ... how will God react to this woeful noncommittal of giving an answer? "Find out Next Time!" - or so.

But anyway. What are the consequences. I mean ... that's kind of what I come down to. What are the consequences? And which of those have anything to do with me being actually to blame for anything?

And why am I?
Oh, see ... that's written about too. I mean, why am I defending myself? Shouldn't I be the one above reproach? Funny thing that ... . People didn't even mean to entertain the idea, as for shits and giggles. And maybe I was better off for it. I mean ... there's things I can do and things I can't ... so, for the latter I need luck.


...

Let's try this again ...

I mean, say ... You present Yourself to God and challenge Him to knock You out. Like, You make a strong case for how that's the only way. And say You do this with the idea, that when it hits You, You can go "how dare You?!" against Him. Isn't that just silly? Like, from top to bottom - the whole thing, whatever the twists and turns may be - it is what it is. You then being the enemy, there making an effort of it - that's like an open invitation. Why shouldn't we make a sport of dunking on them?

Then they cry because we don't do the same. Like, lined up ready to get shot. I mean, maybe we did wrong. Maybe we're the cowards here. I mean, I don't know ... I'm like ... not in the loop when it comes to what "they" ("the others") are all up to. I wonder. I wonder if I would recognize anyone.


So, yea. Maybe I got it all "sponsored by God" - but well. Right now I can't really say that I got a lot out of it. But if I properly estimate the rightful wealth I'm owed ... I guess I ... I mean, I can look at my supposed titles and ... yea, uhm. Cool. And He's like ... well and yup ... and I'm like ... not sure what to make of it. It sounds kind of crazy. But ... oh man, low key amazing.

But anyway, in due time I'm sure it'll all come together and I can say that I found the right sponsor for myself then. I mean, I'm feeling pretty fine, all things considered. Like, personal accomplishments and stuff. Which do not entail a driver's license.
I mean, how else would this be going down? God picks His champion as it says - and makes them a sharp sword. I mean ... what does that sound like? Joe Jane Rando MacGoggins right here, clueless and ... OK, sure. Clueless. It's halway between real and funny ... and there definitely is a nerve somewhere also. Sharp Sword. The way I see it, they got scared of it the moment they saw it even existed. The shimmer of it is enough to strike blindness and disbelief into the unworthy eye.

Something like that.

So, it'd be hard to not "get it from God" when God is like "I'm gonna make You a sword".


Oh, sorry. The word in my mouth. See, it's funny. How I'm like not even trying ... I misspell and misdo and all ... but still I'm like swoosh swoosh and y'all have no clue what's coming from where but oh it's there.

But oh my ... "all my work was in vain" ... and it bears hard to see just how deeply convinced I am of it. I mean, it's there. I can see that it was foretold. Is foretold. But yea, striking similarity to a ... what's it? The thing that ... insanity does. I don't know. So ... it's there and so I can see, like, logically where this ends ... and yea. Here I'm in a bit of a pickle because I'm somewhat biased when it comes to me and what I'd do in the situation You're confronted with. I'd be so on board, it'd be hard to not have been on board before.


But yea. Something's wrong. I have to end here.