Clearing my Heart from Shit

First of all: I don't want to go on and justify past statements of mine. Some of the things I wrote were bad - and for some reason (like being cursed) I keep/kept fucking up, seeing past the point ... and I don't want to go back and get into that - but rather want to go and dig out its source. What is wrong and how its wrong ... should then be solvable.




The first 'person' (yea) on my 'hitlist' here is my own Brother. I did once write a few words on that already. Reflecting on my past, that I have (childhood) memories that I'm sure are true but they are somewhat ... "clouded" where he for instance threatened me in a way that really only made sense to me much later as I began to grasp that I 'might be' the/a Prophet (alias 'Israel' according to Isaiah 40++). And therefore he in a sense is/"were" my Arch Nemesis - someone closest to me, whom I shared a lot of stuff with - and who to me is one of the prime suspects thinking of '"the" false Prophet/Israel'. (The guy whom everyone Loves and his retarded big brother).
And yea, speaking of 'the Boss Baby' or the Baby in 'Family Guy' ... tickles me in a bad way! And should so already give you something of an 'index' regarding how the two of us compare in terms of knowledge and experience. And yea, maybe I'm just the prick who didn't get enough Love from his parents ... anyhow - what I am today isn't because of them, but because of my Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ (the Nazarene). [snap-snap-snap]
During my time as an Escort I had some distance to my family. Thereafter, being new to the Homeless Scene of Stuttgart, I met this guy ... Lee ... and he really has/had some bad beef with his parents. Like, conspiracy Level Deep. Apparently his dad is some bigwig. Might though just be a "Homeless Metaphor". But, no doubt, Life didn't smile upon him. Like, I wrote about it, but I'm not sure if I published it: I looked at the moonlit sky as some clouds drew a beautiful picture around this nightly light source and I said: Look, how amazing. And as he looked up, and I looked up again - the clouds were like a grimace, like an evil demon. Its like God was/is mocking him. ... . And the other guy was a "Police Trouble Magnet". Anyway. Throughout that time I ... somehow connected with him on an Anti-Parental stance. I was glad - in first place - to be somewhat loose from them. But eventually my Mum kept bothering me on Facebook or WhatsApp ... however ... being unable to totally ignore that, despite not feeling really good about it, I accepted invitations. I didn't have a solid reasoning behind this however. And so through Destiny I got to play with my Brother and a few of his Friends - more and more - while as of recent we were playing Marvel Heroes Omega. And by the way - there is something I noticed about "these" Games, we played: They are 'Anti Choice'. Not that there aren't a shitload of Choices you 'have' to make - but once 'the Grind' starts - you're basically just doing the same things over and over again and the only choices you make are: 'Is this an item the Guide recommends?', "when to turn on the console to play it" and "whether or not to stop playing 'now'". That however isn't what really bothers/ed me. What bothers me is that I feel some pressure on my soul - like, I 'have to' succumb to the Grind. That I have to be 'in' for the Grind. Like, for some people, one of his friends at least, 'the Grind' is a major selling point. He's like always totally hyped for it.
In that regard the title of the article would have been 'switching off'. But right now I have further problems. There seems to be something wrong with my ear. Call me paranoid, but ... there is this 'thing' in my right ear ... thing ... that where you put ear-rings normally. Its ... possibly just some ... what is it ... nothing. But I'm paranoid that it might be some high tech device. And it gets me sometimes that when I sleep I hear stuff in that ear ... and I can't just pinch a hole into my skin and pull it out. Its too large for that. I'm tempted to use a knife - but - that'd end up being a mess! Alternatively I might bang my head against a wall until I loose consciousness. I guess I better leave it in ... at any rate ... so it can be sorted out later ... properly. Maybe thats where the headache on the right side of my head is coming from. Maybe thats due to toothaches, or maybe a Tumor ... whatever. Obviously I won't easily trust any Doctor who's gonna tell me that there's nothing! So, obviously there is something. And whatever it is - right now, it may as well be nothing!
So, what I'm coming to here is all that - as accumulated over time ... and that isn't all. Anti Choice? Well - 'they' seem to have a pretty firm hold of me. In these terms also so that ever so often I feel like whenever I make a choice there is some objection to it. These things, plus the "proverb" (echo in my mind) 'Don't Sympathize with your Enemy' make it extremely difficult to further sympathize with him or them - and I already do feel a lot better. Weird thing: This voice in my ear - it isn't really talking to me but ... its really really uncomfortable ... really starts to come out as I'm thinking into this direction.
This hold they have on me - it - its ... "tremendous" ... and it bothers me ... and makes me wonder about a lot of things. Once they write via WhatsApp and I confirm that I'll be online later, lets say its 3 to 4 hours down the road, I'm 'already' somehow enthralled. I can't concentrate anymore on what I did, ... which might however just be time-issues. I'll waste so and so much time, so I have to skip ahead and get some other things done (watching YouTube) first.
To that I can add that soon after I uploaded stuff about 'Holy Satanism' for the first time, there was this 'rumor' that my Brother is torturing his cats - and my Brother didn't have a statement of denial about that. He compared it to the Oryx Raid Weapons (Destiny). There are the normal weapons, and the tortured weapons. And the tortured ones are better. And as I was so digesting that, before he made his statement about it, I prepared to say something like "What the Fuck" - but ... I don't know if you know that but chances are you do ... the conversation went its own way without me - and I couldn't say a damn thing. 'Cut off'. What then bothers me is that nobody could do anything but laugh about it. Hey, because its my Brother. Everyone likes his Brother - who has this retarded big brother. Although - in some way, ... my return from 'Skyparadise' (where I worked as an Escort) was like the return of Gandalf, ... maybe. But there still seem to be some people stuck on seeing only the retard in me. Like my Mother. (As my friend Lee suggested ... prior to all that ... I might as well play along and pretend ...)
[You might now think its close to assume that Lee is a bad person, that God doesn't like him. I see that, I see where that would be coming from. And I might be wrong by assuming the opposite - but I get the vibe that it is more a thing ... or two ... that is wrong with him. He for once seems to have hit the road for quite some time - like - Tech is something he can't handle. He's an alcoholic too. He's a really OK and smart guy - and I guess most people that had to deal with him would say that he's throwing his life away. That he has potential. But ... he's somehow twisted inside. He possibly has a too negative and careless attitude towards life ... well, depression possibly ... and the interesting question were: So, why would God hate on him? Maybe because he on the other end thinks too high of himself. I know it from myself that - unless you're lost - life does in deed rather hate on you as it ... it might sound cliche but 'gives you opportunities to grow'. You're humbling yourself - once mistakes hit you. Or in his case ... you're careful about the world around you - if it seems to be ... only there to hate on you. He once told me of a dream or vision he had - something like ... that he feels like everyone has a knife and is stabbing at him. So there is that paranoia he has - which also makes him ... weird as a friend. He really liked me and was terribly disappointed as I had no time for him ... but he figured it out and just left. Its sad and I'm sorry - I'm a coward - I'm not good at this - but I hope he'll figure out what will make the grimaces turn into ... cool stuff! Like, maybe he just gets at religion, which he is interested in, from a wrong/weird angle - and all it takes is one "aaaah" moment.]
So - anyhow. As I sympathize(d) with my Brother - I felt more and more 'entangled' to take back whatever I had written so far, or, once it'd come to a confrontation, I'd have a hard time explaining myself. Thats ... how it is with Sympathy. Its like gravity. And I don't know how to safeguard against it - as - I just 'listen to my heart', ... which doesn't mean that I'm/make me immune to bullshit! But so, I have to stand by what I wrote - because thats the truth - these are further things that add weight to it - and yes ... so it goes. "Look Past the Flesh. Look into these dull cow eyes and see your enemy!" ("Its impossible!" "No, its inevitable!")


And it goes further. I ... for myself ... and as a statement about me, where I stand, whom I stand with and all that - stand as independent. What I mean is ... I don't want to be 'in bed' with people that I can't vouche for. And whom can I vouche for? Nobody but God! To get back to the issue with the 'exclamation marks' (Undoomed, SecularTalk and CynicalBrit (on YouTube)) - those right now would be amongst the few that didn't disappoint me - regarding my "endorsement". And it makes me feel shit that it aren't more. I don't want to go on to name anyone. This shouldn't be about details like that. I feel shit though. Specifically: I would come to enjoy someones point of views (which is, now that I've seen a fair bit of stuff thats going on on the web, basically a 'well crafted' agenda. Yea, the skeptical community/freedom of speech/anti SJW - ... thing. As mentioned before. There are Feminists, then there are Anti-Feminists, and both play on the same team. Each snatches their own 'fellony' while the whole reason to follow either one is the fight against the other group) - mention that - and progressively feel like more and more shit is dumped into my heart. It drags me down.
Its gotten to a point where I can't watch most of the videos anymore. I play one, and kindof literally feel how the shit is dropping into my heart. Thats why I ... am not interested into 'debunking Flat Earthers' anymore/either.
How does that go? So, first some "Proof that the Earth is Flat" Videos popped up in my recommeded list. I thought: "Whaat?" - and being unprepared some of the 'evidence' somehow convinced me. One was about some Gyroscope or Pendulum ... an experiment that apparently didn't go as it should were we on a rotating sphere - and another one dealt with how Light refracts in water. I don't know. Whatever. But anyhow - so this shit is getting momentum, ... eventually makes news ... and now everyone who got stuck on it has a 'demand' for debunking videos. Many did, but now all of a sudden there is this Thunderf00t esque channel specializing on debunking "Flattards". And since whatever I know isn't what you know, and what you know isn't what I know - all in all - I don't want to go into details about whats right or wrong. Both sides in the end don't come up with any real evidence - and thats why that whole nonsense is going to fall apart eventually.

If I so want to think badly of my Brother and learn from his behaviour regarding me - then the reality of this goes as follows: You will have enough reasons/substance to say: What they do/did is 'good' - they help, they provide, they improve - (I don't want to go as far as saying that they're righteous - thats just a figure of speech - its in the 'designed narrative') - but they don't help you improve. They don't help you 'increase' your horizon. If anything - they'll yet help you 'narrow it' - while you think they did you a favour!
I mean, wondering "why" he did what he did was one of the things that kept me sortof sympathetic towards him and his friends. Playing along. Ignoring what I "should believe" because I don't have any 'strong evidence/reason' not to. And 'what' stuff? Well, ... you may have heard that I've seen the Matrix Reloaded like 200 times, I mean, 2 weeks straight, nonstop. Sometimes even while sleeping. He borrowed me those DVDs and at that time I felt it was something great. Something that helped me. Back then I wasn't coding for too long, but was really deeeeeeply into it. During those two weeks I felt like I did some great stuff. Anyway did I get a really tight grasp of the movies Plot - ... . However. In comparison to that there is Martin. Martin is the guy who makes me paranoid. He's a nice guy, I get along really well with him - he's a bit obnoxious in ways, but none that bother me - he's ... normal ... like me. I however don't have a reason to be paranoid - other than that he's a really nice guy - and whats wrong with that? He for a change 'expanded' my horizon. And he didn't force it upon me. I basically had to force him to. In a weird way. Thats one of the weird things he did - by the way. I mean - it so began with 'Twilight Zone'. We were talking and he wanted to eventually give me a Hard Drive with all the seasons on it - but some time later he was talking to some other guy, whom he wanted to give the Hard Drive to - but he wasn't interested, I overheard the conversation - and so it began as it wouldn't end there. I've since come to see a wider range of movies than I ordinarily would have, as, things that wouldn't have interested me - or things I didn't think could be great. So, his taste did print through on me to some extent. Same goes for Video Games. Aside of Rise of the Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy XV I think most of the most recent games that I really enjoyed have found their way to me via him. The reason why I can talk about Nioh, Nier, ... and since yesterday about Guilty Gear (Xrd SIGN), Tekken 7 and Injustice 2 - is because of him (and Sony, thanks to SharePlay! (That is playing on someone elses Console via the Internet)). (And by the way: Playing those 3 Fighting Games rekindled my Love for Street Fighter because ... hell, ... 6 BUTTONS and Smooth and Fast Gameplay! And you don't need to argue to me about how Smooth or Fast Tekken and Injustice are. Those aren't bad games per se either! Guilty Gear, well ... it felt like trash! Though ... in 2 hours ... thats not enough to really get to the meat of the game! But Street Fighter is ... yea ... well - ... still Street Fighter!)


Second Person on my Hitlist is Sargon of Akkad, or more specifically - 'why' ... or ... 'what makes him so bad' ... in my oppinion. Well, how did that all begin for me? I was just fresh to the whole skeptical community - and basically I got introduced to it via Thunderf00t. And while Sargons talking basically gave me a headache and I never really followed any but one of his Videos through ... there was this one Video on 'Cults' that I thought was quite informative and I liked it because it gave me a sense of 'yay - united frontier against Bullshit'. Which all changed the moment Trump appeared on the stage.
And I don't care! If you're Pro Trump - you're just wrong ... or a bad person! Misguided or Misguiding. So, either way, if you are going to open your pro Trump mouth up - its bullshit! And I'm sure you could make it sound as though it wasn't - maybe there is this tiny tiny argument here or there - thinking about a bazillion corners and playing some super advanced mind-chess ... no ... sometimes a circle is just a circle - and a dumbass is just a dumbass!
But is it then so just about Trump? I mean - ignoring that ... what do I have on him? Nothing! Nothing but that he's part of that "skeptic community", which wouldn't be bad in and of itself, so ... nothing. Nothing per se! Like a suicide bomber that hides the dynamite under his jacket! That he's full of shit got clear to me - and thats enough for that! No consideration for the words he's talking! None! Because why? What for? He's the one who's full of shit, he's the one who has to apologize, he's the one on the wrong end - and woops - see how the tables turn? I mean, do you?

Bonus: "Thunderf00t Logic" for Christians

(Because it seems to be necessary)

And this is for all, because chances are you didn't get it yourself even if you're on his/the skeptical side. Especially now that all the brainwashed morons start looking really skeptically at each of his words.

This is about a video called 'Eric Hovind OFFICIALLY accepts atheism is true and accurate'. In this video a Christian guy approaches Thunderf00t and challenges him to a discussion, basically with the goal to either make him confess to Christianity or somehow get a few points against Atheism. Whatever. He might be sincere or not - that is not the subject of this; Since ... at that point its simply an Atheism vs Christianity issue.
If you know my shit you know the gist of it. 'Religion is bad'. At least so my take away from it. The values I've learned. It isn't about God (because Atheists don't believe in God) - even more: Atheists of today are basically Prophets of Christ. Christ was upset about 'Man made Laws' (where we assume that Christ meant: Man Made Laws in place of Gods) - about the Pharisees who had 'perverted' Gods religion. So, if you understand that perspective; You can also understand Atheists.

I would ask you to watch that Video and ... me - it opened my eyes. You should get it, what Thunderf00t means. If you don't - then you're stuck on a ... well, lets call it "Retard Loop". You're hearing the words but all your brain does is sort things into 'Pro God' and 'Contra God' - where everything thats 'Contra God' is right away bad. It might seem to you that that is correct - but the problem is that not everything that isn't Pro God is Contra God. But your brain might make it so. As Eric Hovind demonstrates (which basically made me a bit ashamed of ... calling myself a Christian. OK - I'm a Neo Gnostic!)


I assume that God exists. I assume that the Universe was created by God. I assume that God created the human spirit and embedded it into this Universe he created. And so on. Therefore I know (because I can learn, I came up with the prediction that God will guide me. I prayed for a Testimony, God revealed Himself to me, therefore I know).
What Good my "Religion" has brought: Christian ideals. Concepts of Love. Concepts of Law, Authority and Theology. Concepts of Truth, Righteousness. Concepts of Deception. Concepts of Obedience and Disobedience. Concepts of forgiveness. Concepts of Rebellion. And so on.
Predictive Capabilities? Well - God created the Universe - so, here science answers ... but otherwise ... well. Complicated. I however don't make the claim that I have enough faith to move a Mountain - nor that I'm in a position to change Gods will. And yea, most 'predictions' that 'matter' happen on a timescale that is 'unpragmatic' for us in terms of a lifetime. We haven't been around when prophecies were made and we haven't been around when they got fulfilled. But, there are some that have been fulfilled - which allows us to project a theory of the future. In general though stuff like: If you believe in Christ, repent and get baptized - you will be saved! 'Sela'


By the way - in the same Video ... you can hear Thunderf00t naming something Eric "says" a "Strawman". And due to that the Video takes a turn from there, for the viewer, showing the observant viewer how Eric tries to make Thunderf00t acknowledge something he doesn't say - and more to the point: To acknowledge it as knowledge. So the question: "Is everyones Reason Valid?". 'Yes or No'? But do you know that? Can you know that? Its fair to say that 'no' - being real about it - else we would all agree on everything that were otherwise controversial. Controversy wouldn't exist.

This 'Strawmanning' is that type of shit I've written about earlier. This 'shoving a truth down your throat' - without you even knowing. And this is basically how 'Rise of the Tomb Rider' comes into play for me. I mean, ... short summary of the Plot: Laras Father gets killed by an Organization named 'Trinity' which is looking for an Artifact that her Father sought for which is told to grant eternal life. This organization existed since the Byzantine Empire flourished, at least, and has since made attempts to get that Artifact. Now that Lara has found a track to that Artifact, Trinity is on her heels. Now a bit to the Sub-Plot: 'Trinity' is an organization of religious fanatics, from what I gather tied to the Vatican. In order to get the Artifact, Trinity was chasing 'the/a Prophet' who escaped from Byzanz. How it matters: Trinity are Religious Fanatics - and what is a Religious Fanatic? I'm here not talking about Jihadis. I'm talking of the "ROTTR Trinity" type of Fanatics. More to the point - as for what matters (and writing about Tomb Rider wouldn't be necessary, but for the Nerds - it might be interesting to have some ... cool context. The game is really good by the way. Its like Horizon Zero Dawn, but, more Tomb Raider and less Hunting and Dinosaurs/Mechasaurs) - Faith.
What is 'Faith'?
Eric Hovind demonstrates a kind of Faith similar to that of "Trinity". Richard Dawkins might call it 'deluded'. But the general gist is that by being convinced of what you believe in - first of all, you excercise Faith; Regardless of whether that what you believe in is true or not. This then 'looks' kindof like in the Matrix after Neo gets shot by Smith - so, where he stands up and does this ... reality warp/distortion thing. So I assume that there is that dimension of Space wherein our spiritual process influence others - without the body as medium.
So, it is by this 'Faith' that whitnesses would call someone 'powerful' - ... talking of someones speech, or ... 'aura' ... maybe 'Charisma'. I however generally use the term 'to impose' - in a negative way; As I experience such in a negative way. Someone just 'imposes' their belief onto others - in that regard - by distorting this other dimension through its faith in such a way that any counterstance won't bother them. Thats how it would matter intellectually without this "mysterious dimension". As an 'open-minded individual' you are furthermore somewhat weak against that ... that because instead of an 'imposing' attitude you have a 'consuming' (curious) attitude - and I don't think I have to explain how that to me translates into 'eating shit'.

But ... more to the point: This is a war! Or a Fight! Saying: If we assume there is such a thing as 'the Evil (Mythical and Antichristian) Empire' who are applying this kind of Faith in a manipulative (deluding, misguiding) manner, we must assume that they use it like a weapon. And in any Fighting Game (except Dive Kick maybe) - if you do the same thing over and over again, the enemy will predict that and start to adjust and kick your ass in process. (Dive Kick is excluded because the Dive Kick is, next to jumping, the only move available). Maybe I should make that: (therefore the 'maybe' regarding Dive Kick) 'in any fighting game the enemy understood thoroughly enough'.
So, this 'bold faith' we might say is just one way of going about it. But they will read your defense, your offense, eventually adapt - "be your friends (share your oppinion)" - just to ... throw in some propaganda here and there ... or things like that ... that you might then adapt - and once you got onto that, ... I think ... there are 'places' build like a spiral that are intended to "flush you down a toilet" sotospeak.

You can tell, from Eric Hovinds approach, that he's quite sure of his thing; While the smartest thing he did in the whole Video was twisting Thunderf00ts words against him and saying that he gave up Atheism. Which is totally not the way a Christian should think. Its ... so far off - ... ... I ... I'm not sure how a person with such an attitude can have a healthy relationship with God. But decide that for yourself. (Not whether or not Eric is a good guy or not. Regarding that - I certainly get a malicious vibe!).

Regarding the "Trinity" Faith, well ... the game is fiction. Obviously. Therefore correlations to reality - may or may not exist. The bad guy follows the formula: Take a Character and make him faithful on the outside but a Psychopath on the inside. So he has his own agenda - 'wants to' believe that its the right thing to do - and would continue doing what he does either way. A part of it is certainly also what I believe is true for the Antichristians. But not so much in terms of Faith - although, as a 'last resort' type of thing maybe. I mean, I'm not too sure on this, but my recollection of my "psychotic" past tells it as so: First they impose as Christians. OK, thats pretty obvious, but I'm not talking about the Vatican. I'm talking about an "all new" Prophet. Here I'm confused already, because they might also take the Atheist route - but, from what I gather about Trump - well - it might yet be that - and yet in a whole different way. Too obscure for me to have seen. (So, "they" (by "them" I'm usually thinking about someone else, yet in the shadow, and yet pretending to be Christian, but might as well be Atheists) have a talking point there. Forever and always beating on the point that God and me aren't as some magical supercomputer that makes me able to impose as superhuman ... or super enlightened. same ol same ol bullcrap. Strawmanning the shit out of me - where notice: You, make, relationship, to, God, Period! RE-LAY-SHON-SHIP. Not preferring your own wisdom above Gods revelation TO YOU. EASY! (Relationship: Mutual, Communication, Interaction. (Learning (about/from God through interaction/communication) a.k.a. 'establishing familiarity' and 'maintenance of contact')))
So, first they impose as "Saviours" - lets put it that way. So, here it is already problematic to interact with them in a meaningful way because they are playing a role. Whatever Faith they exercise isn't representative of their true beliefs. Its an act as part of that sharade that they play to misguide us. Why should they? Why should I? So first this bubble has to burst ... which, depending on their stubborness, might "never" happen. Then there is that 'level' of them amongst themselves. There they might be pretty much Trinity like. Telling each other how Good they are, how much everything is just in everyones best interest and all the delusions that come from that as all they do is basically just causing more and more Chaos. Like telling you that I'm the one doing so, which it might look like, to you, at some point - as they 'Hovind' the shit out of my words.
(The delusion supposedly occurs as they play that "we're so good" game to the point that they don't like their true selves anymore; And thus start to internalize these believes, ... and so, effectively, possibly even believe what they are saying there. We can make that a "Duh" and a "Double Duh" when asserting that doing so might be even prerequisite to doing what they are doing (frontline)).


By the way: In Rise of the Tomb Raider you 'earn' Credits (those you can also buy with Money, but doesn't really serve any purpose if you only play the 'Main Game' (it has some minigames where you can use 'Cards' to modify the experience which you can buy for those Credits; But you also get a lot just from playing the game. Like, I don't know why I would even spend any Credits for them!)) usually by helping folks and exploration rather than killing stuff. Interesting Nuance.
As a hunch, yet officially or pragmatically rather just my perception of 'the gaming industry': Most Video Games are 'good'. The vastest amount (90%+) of non-AAA titles are good, and less than 50% of AAA titles are.


And now I do pretty much feel shitless. Regarding Porn, here like 40% of the Amateur stuff is good - and like 90% of the high quality stuff (when a 'Series' ("Spam") is considered as one). Hollywood currently stands at 5%.

And on YouTube ... I think ... 10% (active/"real" channels) is fair.


Anyhow ... YouTube ... what its really good for, in my oppinion, next to everything else, is giving the Gaming Community a platform. At least in principle. Gamers are loners - or ... more appropriately: Loners are Gamers - and every Gamer who has a Real Life isn't primarily a Gamer. I mean, its ... my oppinion. Its non legally binding. "Just Saying". Meaning: To Loners, Gaming has a much higher value than to others. They would also tend to play more. Maybe therefore also pirating more ... but that i THINK depends on age. If you're Young and in School and your Budget is essentially 10 bucks a week plus Christmas plus Birthday ... you got to keep up somehow! And you k, then know that guy who knows some tricks and has some contacts (well, back in the days ... where CDs were still a thing) - and so you get it for free ... or 10 bucks ... and as a Parent I'd rather have my Kid play cheaper indie titles (not because of the money, but also because of that) than getting lost in them expensive AAAs. And yea, so, as a Loner, you eventually also get lost on YouTube.
And there, watching a Lets Play can be ... good? Well, it can be entertaining. And it gives meaning to those that 'like' to share their experiences. I had lots of fun that way. If you like a guy ... what he's talking about ... thats kindof like having a life. This is how communities form around certain people - and so people come to meet eventually too. I would basically sort that into 'Creative Freedom'. But oh oh - I feel the shit level raising again.



So, its a good moment to hit the pause button and think about it. So - this is however my oppinion. My thinkery. I get a feeling of 'bad' - and maybe such is how the term 'its a thin line' got coined. Originally I was about to be negative about it - like yea, 90% shit is still ... quite a lot of shit! Relatively speaking. And there's little reason to suggest that its much different on Twitch. Though I think for gaming related stuff - we're like, at ... 70% of goodness. Most of the Bad Press comes other ways. Like, ... by the Press! Comments. Then public oppinion starts to form and this snowballs ... from the "other Dimension" into this one. Like I personally added to the negative "other Dimensional" thing of Godzilla (the ... when was it? Recent Hollywood movie) - without even having seen it. Or like ... the big 'public' problem with Street Fighter V is its original lack of a Story Mode - and "how much better" other Games handle Tutorials. Those are legitimate issues ... but they only truely make sense if you have the full picture. How this criticism 'actually' compares to other games. Like that they are in a competitive sense yet not as good - or as others might say: SFV doesn't overwhelm you with a shitload of Mechanics (or has a Story Mode where all you do is pushing the same button) - thus giving you a 'noob friendly' entry - enough to 'start playing' - (although an Arcade Mode would have still been nice. The Story Mode is OK, but ... come on! No Arcade Mode? What is this? -> I would play the Arcade Mode every now and then just for fun ... the Story Mode doesn't quite create that experience!) - and once you want to dig deeper there is Training Mode and there are the Challenges. Simple, Straight and Forward! [Guilty Gear was too confusing, was never a huge Tekken fan and Injustice ... "Cripple Fight!" (I mean, to be fair ... once you've gotten a hang of it and you start thinking in terms of the Mechanics ... its not THAT bad ... (the 'faces' of the Characters are quite a 'Fresh' thing to see) ... I think that "goes without saying" - but yea ... should still be mentioned; But I never really liked the Mortal Kombat style inputs! And in that regard Mortal Kombat is also somewhat "Cripple Fight!" to me.)
So I don't think my "'It goes'/'there is' better Radar" is broken! Yet, as for Street Fighter. Back in 2007 where I was still living under a rock I suggested to Capcom (don't know if they noticed) to include some Smash Bros mechanics ... or basically just the smash move ... saying ... chargeable moves - which would be one way of giving the less combo savvy people a fighting chance as opposed to throwing in more Target Combos. So, I take it with a grain of salt. And the 'public' success of Guilty Gear should teach Capcom that they are way tooo serious at times ... but OK! This is ... I shouldn't ... artistic vision doesn't fit into words!

Thinking about Gaming I'm vastly opposed to a negative attitude. Once you want to bring up Addiction - I would further bring up the loner and blame it vastly on society. And I want to heavily oppose the oppinion that a good society would have no place for gaming or loners. The balance would just be better for everybody!
The gaming community would be different. Education would be different! 'Demand' would be different. There wouldn't be a 'whoring for money' however and thus we'd have 'more' High Quality/Passion stuff - all in tandem with a generally different political situation. Saying again that rather than things 'not' being there anymore, its just the balance. Society is sick - ergo our Media is sick. We're stuck in our boxes and all we can do is consume - if the bright shiny outside world filled with people who have a real life boxed you out and you have nowhere else to go! So there is an unnatural demand - and because this world is shit, we need that to reflect in our media and hence our addiction for Controversy ... I believe.
I mean - can we handle any undesputed main oppinion? I think we can't because we cannot trust it! We cannot trust anyone to have that power!

But woops. SO, still on pause. I originally wanted to be negative ... but then I kindof got lost in a somewhat 'defending' attitude. Same shit as with my Brother. I'm ... sortof protective like that. I ... can't help it. I can't be objective once peoples moods are involved. I mean, I would ... by now: 'in some alternate Universe' ... rather delete that statement about Godzilla because I don't remember whether or not [someone] had a negative impression on it, though I wanted to address that since ... consequences ... where I got to say: some might not have liked it. OK! "Whatever". I really did like it! There are people who think 'Bullet in the Head' is a really brilliant movie. I would have seen it and discarded it as ... 'meh'. Yea, some people watch movies for the emotions they provoke - and those would be, possibly, for a fair amount into darker movies - generally. I had that phase too. OK, maybe I can be ... but its complicated like that!


(By the way: You shouldn't take my numbers as accurate. Bad wouldn't right away mean 'Evil' - though if you wanna be Monotone like that, OK, Evil it be. Whatever. But I'm a guy, I wouldn't give too much a damn about 'accurate numbers' and ultimately judge based on my feeling anyhow.)


So, I get it now. The real shit occurs as I don't have anything important to tell. And all that really mattered in the previous paragraphs is the "SFV issue". Plus I'm exposing myself to shit as I'm again growing sympathetic towards in about just everyone. All are innocent until judged guilty ... at least once you want to rule by the idea of "Do not Judge". (Which doesn't mean that we shouldn't point out Shit!)
But right now, either way is wrong ... sortof ... while I'm driven by an urge or feeling to go on ... and maybe, ... maybe ... I will only be satisfied once I've totally botched this - which would be the result of having again endorsed 'shit'. Some point where I was about to be harsh, but then refrained from it because "Oh no, it might hurt someones feelings". So yea, without a really straight 'argument' behind it it would also be just that - but what am I even saying?



I think I see it now. What all this leads up to is that whatever about YouTube ... what misses is something ... well ... uniting. There is too little discussion between different groups on the internet - which is the basis of bad. There is no agreement, not even on the most basic and fundamental no brainers of existence, ... and this "YouTube bullshit" only perpetuates it. Let it be so. YouTube is bullshit - and whatever you do, except for gaming stuff, its possibly bad - so - try to do better!
I would love it were there a large enough audience ... united ... so we could "excommunicate" people from there without bad conscience!


Woobs, but now I think I got it: The real issue is this: I shouldn't instrumentalize this article to pursue some agenda/narrative like "YouTube is shit" or "Gaming is good". I still got to figure out where that attitude is coming from. How the urge emerges from, or merges into my conception.



Still on pause: It should take some time before I really get it. But to make it whole - YouTube is also a really great thing! Now, back to it.



So, recounting on the shit I've actually - meeting my own standards - gotten rid of, ... what is it all about? I would say: Attachments. Thereby: I am not here to socialize, I am not here to judge - I am here to see forward to it that the Gospel gets known and is represented properly. Therefore God chose me. I mean - thats ... ultimately reduntant. God chose me, so I represent the Gospel - so, you have no other choice in that - ergo, its the "right" way. If you don't like it, its not my problem until it 'is' my problem. It is my problem if I'm the problem; But also once I'm 'made' the problem. That however is a neverending story of its own, unless 'you' guys figure it out! Of course! Who else? Me? I figured it out already! Thats why the game is over! There is no competition! The work has been done! All that matters now is that you get it! And if you make that 'my' problem, it is essentually 'not' my Problem! "But what the fuck! I don't understand ..." yea yea - so it usually goes on. OK, maybe I could still add this or remove 'this and that' - for that matter - maybe - as always. If there is a straight line to be drawn at some point its the line regarding which you choose your side - and near the end things will come to a conclusion, the line is getting drawn and some will possibly not like it! They are/wannabe on the wrong side. So - whatever! Give a shit!

But yea, Daisy Boy needs his Porn now! So ... have a good one! (Sometimes a good mood is brought about by darkness)




Hollera-yidi!


CNS.2017.06.26|08:04