Clarity : Preliminary Results

So - this is going to be a departure from the ordinary work (or "work") I've done on that matter.



brief recap

The term 'clarity' as used by me is derived of a Book, portraying a woman named 'Clara' that engages into philosophical discussions with friends roughly themed around the death of one of her relatives. The particular point "creating" that term for me was briefly touching on the concept of something of a spot of internal "wisdom" compared to a Crystal. The book is written by F.W.J. Schelling and is named 'Clara' - of which I'll quote from Chapter 3 (translation by me):
The reason I fetched up on that and started to use the word 'Clarity' is because of one such "Crystal"-esque 'clarity' I discovered within me (possibly exclusive to Unification, as it is "supposedly" established by the Light (the Force) as conclusion to ones unification with the allsurmising spirit) - and the name of the protagonist. Clara -> Clarity ~ Clarity.
The boldened lines might be telling to those that have read my previous work on the matter. There doesn't seem to be an end. The more progress is being made, the further it seems to be away.
I however do not base my work on that book. I do base my work on that matter on my own experiences. My own starings into the Abyss.

My experience with first conceiving what I call 'my Clarity' has been a quasi-random insight regarding myself that "grasped" a few things about myself that I rationalized as 'inevitably me'. Things I independently acquired as passions without having drawn a conscious connection between them for me 'prior'. A magical moment, sotospeak, wherein I realized "who I was" - based on the things I enjoyed.
It is the very nature of this 'Crystal' that it is as a drop of water that opens up into an Abyss (for the things that led to its existence are an established part of its identity. So looking at it is as looking at all those things that independently became "stuff" 'from the own inner darkness'. One didn't have much of a practical clue about those things prior - and doesn't know a lot more thereafter either. Clarity is threby the 'igniting spark' that adds identity to this "lingering chaos".)

The main line of my work thus far has been based on the belief that this established identity is of self-revealing nature to ones self. That I guess can barely be challenged; The purpose however is now being questioned.




Strong Emotions and Divine Intervention and Stuff

The main insight to create a profound "Anti-Clarity" argument, in my oppinion, is of the asumption that strong emotions 'actually' happen to be weakspots in our psyche.

Explenation: What is Love? Isn't it irrational? Were it not for love, the primary rule for coupling had to be natural selection. Or maybe by drawing lots. Whatever we had to come up with to compensate for the absence on an "emotional bias".
The irrationality of love is revealed in that it presents its own self as the rationality behind itself. Believing in Love is to believe in these emotions.
Further (moving away from 'love'): Once we have made a choice based on emotions, we ourselves need to find intellectual justifications for this choice. Thereby we seek to find rationality to support it and will thereby inherantly disregard a counter-perspective.

Emotions can thus be described as 'failures' of our 'intellectual matrix' - possibly as a cave-in as consequence to some stimulus. Saying: That our lack of reasoning on a matter that is urging into our consciousness (via stimuli) is either embraced or rebuked (depending on its effects ("promises")) 'condemns' us to 'rationalize post conclusion'.

As of that "would" strong emotions render us nearly incapable of resisting its motions; Thus taking us into situations wherein we then 'learn more' about what we've gotten ourselves into. On this basis Clarity can be 'assumed' to be intended as a 'leech' that sucks out certain flaws of the individual - creating an 'Anti Identity' - in response to which the individual is compelled to learn more about the matter - 'to then somehow get rid of it'. Its an 'either or' situation at that point - and without a definite answer there is no definite answer.


Apart of Clarity (and whatever it implies) I haven't experienced a lot of divine intervention; Nothing strong at least. I suppose that it is one of 'Anti Unification Skeptics' main criticisms that despite being ""unified"" with God I seemed to yet aimlessly stumble around like a blind moron making a joke of myself. My main argument to that has been: "What can I do? If you don't accept me for what I am - you're the asshole!". "But a Whore?". What does that lead to? Sexual Violence? Rape? Debauchery? Decadence? Mysogeny? Slavery? Pedophilia? Incest? And so it turns into a debate of principle positions. And oppinions!
Oppinions such as from the 'pro clarity' side: Can such things happen in an Enlightened Community that has been assembled by God to be a unity of trust? 'I think not!'.

That sure is sidestepping the questions; And in my oppinion not deceitful. The things that fall into my clarity are an open secret - and some if not all the negative terms up there are represented therein. So apparently the answer is: 'Yes, it leads to those things'. If you want to consider a Dom (male) dominating a Sub (female) mysogenistic, rapist, violent, etc. (bad); In principle - then in principle my clarity is mysogenistic, rapist, violent, etc. (bad). But if you think there is a difference between two consenting adults engaging into BDSM is different and sexual criminality you're in the field of grasping 'nuance' where it is to be grasped. Failing to do so will inevitably lead to conflict because one side 'will be' misrepresented and accused of things they factually aren't doing; And that side wouldn't want to put up with that!

I'm sorry if I'm condescending here.

I haven't experienced any divine intervention other than that which I myself prolongued; Which in my oppinion is good! God may want to tell you 'what' to do here and then, but He wouldn't do anything about it in case you chose to not do it so! It is an important piece in understanding the reality we live in! There are cases, in the scriptures, wherein God intervened; And as for the "end-game conclusion" it is prophecied that were it not for Gods intervention we'd all be doomed. The parable of the rolling stone also states that the rolling stone which "smacks evil" is going to start moving not by human hands. We however aren't told what this intervention is going to be. But apparently it is delivered in a situation wherein we otherwise had no hopes for "salvation" (the general, non religious type of) - while the Bible draws an image of the latter days that is 'dominated by confusion'. One not understanding the other - like 'back in the days' after God created the many languages; Although we're all able to speak and understand english. At least ... if you're reading this here you're obviously a part of that 'all'.
Or maybe ... me trying to tell people about stuff that nobody is going to ever hear about because of other stuff that isn't comprehended properly due to decontextualization, misrepresentation, ommitance of facts ... that sort of thing? So - saying that God does something to somehow diffuse the confusion? So - intervention of a kind that shakens us as a whole ./!/?
In this 'we' - those who generally believe in a 'non-interventional' God sotospeak - can yet 'agree' as we understand the intervention to be of a kind that we as individuals cannot prolong as the whole cannot speak for itself. It doesn't take my own freedom away; And in case of the Matrix stuff further, inherantly makes that case.

Whether now 'know yourself' should be considered an important thing is simple to pro-clarity people. In that case its however not because of the Matrix movies. It can be interpreted positively in plenty of ways; Most dominantly maybe through the importance of our freedom as relativized through the bible. Whether that now is pro or anti clarity - I don't really want to have an answer to that here. To me the situation is that going against my clarity is inherantly in conflict with what clarity has been to me in first place.

A biblical reason to not believe in divine intervention is found within Jesus' words about the sign of Jona. "People will be asking for a sign; But all they'll get is the sign of Jona". It already - at least in this context - has a vibe of: "And that sign isn't much of a sign at all (LOL)" - as we don't know what it is either! The 'story' of Jona isn't that simple. It is however in this context very strong to argue that this sign is about those 'waiting' for one (the fall of Nineveh) - but what happens instead is that the tree underneath which they seek refuge will rot away.


I will however say this: What clarity has given me is an identity I can get behind. It might seem backwards when considering that my ambitions have been to be a ... an astronaut, an actor, a director, producer, game-developper - ... designer. In that order. Seem to be reasonable ambitions; Or dreams worth chasing at least. Is it now bad for me that I 'have to' give up on those dreams "just to" become 'a "whore"'?
That is the issue because what clarity did to me, ultimately, is that the things it is composed of gained a huge amount of relevance to me; Enough to basically 'suck' my interest off of other things. In my transgender journey I make similar experiences; Those are however less ambigous, more rooted in science/medicine. For years the fact that I'm transsexual has been sortof ... a glitch to me. Its something I knew I was - but by my "mastermind" it didn't come to matter. It being a thing though meant that it wouldn't go away. This fact is the basis of Transsexuality being considered an actual illness. Trying to work against it won't work. It isn't normal - normal people don't have that conflict! Hence, each step forward is practically as irreversible. There is no working 'against' it. Ignoring it didn't let me build up on it consciously - nobody noticing it and supporting me in progress ... didn't do anything either. Yet eventually it got to a point where it has been something I had to acknowledge to myself and 'yet' my "mastermind" managed to find excuses. But ultimately an awareness of whats deeply wrong with me 'sucked' out my "manhood" - which 'arguably' is a bad thing; But not if you're a transwoman. Then it is a bad thing. There is no 'magic' therein - supposedly. Its not a curse by which some witch magically sucks out ones gender identity. There is no 'minus' in that equasion.
I think the best way for a non-transgender person to relate to this is by relating to the own gender-confirmation. If you're a man and proud of it or a woman and proud of it - that "pride" is what drives a person like me to "identify" as the opposite gender. "I'm a woman" - "sotosay" - period.

And hence I say that I'm a whore. What I'm 'actually' saying is that I 'am' [blanks] - because the word 'whore' that I am using is defined by the things that compose my clarity. There is a part to that which I can 'sort away' as being 'actually' gender issues. Sortof. But that I'm actually feeling well in explicitly sexually submissive situations goes a bit beyond that. Arguably none of that is relate to gender though. I can like 'anal' and be a man.
The 'effect' of Clarity is further so strong, that in wake of it I 'feared' that it might not include my gender issues; And this fear was ultimately silenced as gender became a part of that my 'clarity complex'. Although it technically isn't clarity per se, the thing is samey in that its all still kindof one big interconnected web of things. And there are two items in that statement that are important to me. The one is the 'fact' that I had this fear. As of that it is already an easy conclusion to make that my gender is important to me. Its a concern, at the very least - something that I for myself would consider 'wrong' about/with my clarity. "How could it not be in there?". It is after all so strong that internally it functions as definition.
The second thing is the interconnection of things. Its conclusive that over time, sooner or later, ones identity is too complex for a simple label to fit the person. ...
My gender is not resolved within my clarity; But part of a concept I labelled 'runes'. They are similarly strong. Maybe stronger. They to me are like bulletpoints that add order to my clarity. As the nature of Clarity is that it is 'simple' in that it is the center point of a bunch of stuff - the only thing that lessens the overall chaos is that central term to order things around. So - I'm a whore and BDSM fetishes and anal intercourse are somehow connected to it. I can thereby draw "what kind of Whore" I am. Vaguely. Whether a gender addition is required or not isn't answered here. I know that I have been 'fine' as a male prostitute; And as I am/was transsexual I'm/was probably going to get after it anyway. Yet to me it is big enough of an issue that it has been an issue; And it has been resolved. Whether that is to mean anything or not ... well, its sortof pointless to think about. As it stands the rune itself 'represents' just how important it is to me. The fact that it gets eleviated into a rune allows me to share it as of my 'clarity set'. Saying now that I'm 'forced to be female' might be shocking - but still is this point "so fucking meta" that it doesn't add to the practical relevance of my gender as it is to me. We could argue that this rune determines me to be transsexual, because I'm male and forced to be female, ... but I was transsexual way before this rune was present to me.
Its evidently mostly just adding to the kink - it sotospeak adds "bang" to an otherwise rather unspectacular decision. And that 'bang' is mostly just my own thing. As of that however it is perfectly accurate to let it be part of what 'describes' the person I am.


So ultimately I understand clarity as being influencial, but mostly by being descriptive. The things that "determined" me to be a whore have essentially been around since ... god knows when. I had BDSM fetishes before I knew what an orgasm was. I just had the urge to tie myself up using my pyjama. And slipping both legs into one leg of the pyjama to have it feel like a tight skirt. I have been curious in anal intercourse as it became more of a thing to my mind. Is it good? Or not? I happen to like it! And so did I ultimately face the chance to work as a prostitute and although my entire life would have seemed to be directed against it; I took it. (Nobody offered me the chance. It was the result of a web-search). So, labelling me a whore wasn't wrong, or wouldn't be wrong. I however still vastly understood myself differently. At least has there not been any clarity that further validated it. I might have been anything - still; Saying that technically the exact opposite could have happened; A clarity drawing me as a game designer for instance. That would have sucked me out of prostitution. Then I had an easier time agreeing to all the fetishes and kinks that I'm having to be of lesser relevance. And this is simply the causal logic I'm registering.

The Truth is complicated once the person that perceives it has a twisted understanding of reality. And that is the next point. It is a point some of you may have hoped would be excluded from this - so, lets talk about Satanism; Elsewhere.
And lets have an uplifting message instead. This is about divine intervention again. As sortof perpetuated; To receive divine intervention we need to prolong it. Is this more than just a random statement? Well - it is accurate enough, first of all. But it isn't a real in-depth thing yet. The thing however is that if you just generally want to be a good/better person, that I think is already sufficient prolonging for God to intervene in your favour. Yet there are complications and there is a simple and conclusive process that makes it easy to understand. The main problem is that we perhaps do not know what to be looking for; But if we want to better ourselves and God intervenes - we get to make a step forward; And for the 'one particular thing' that still escapes our attention to be prolonged by us, that step forward is necessary.


There is an example of the Bible I want to "twist" real quick. Jesus 'spoke' at times about the evil within us. Mark 7:14+ - the passage on purity - perhaps most prominently. You should read it, but the gist is that Jesus tells us that defiliation comes from within us, from our hearts. Lust, adultery and such things. But the one time that Jesus did really go 'enrage', it wasn't against "those" petty sinners - but against people that worked in the Temple. 'Flipping the tables'.
In the meantime Jesus socialized with and befriended those very type of people that we would 'picture' as being framed by these "from the heart" accusations. A pros pos 'from the heart': The cermon of the mount goes to say that we're all rotten to the core if we apply that standard of "thought crimes". We wouldn't be free if we couldn't think dark things; We couldn't process evil if we couldn't try to understand it.
Some might be worried that I'm a defiling person. But look at the world we're in. How is it not a huge clusterfuck of mutual dirtying? Can't see it? I'm sure you can see 'some'. And some of that might fit my bill. 'The body is the temple of God, do not defile it' does in this context however mean: "Know yourself!". Crazy how that goes!

In other words would I not advise to look for help from anyone but God in that matter. I hope I at least opened you up for the possibility that these things might be true.




CNS.2017.10.23|20:15