Heavy Hearted

So, I feel - or tell myself that I should - relatively rested now. I suppose I even gained some weight. Like, at least the downward trend has been reversed. I mean, I can feel my bones ... but there's more fat now than just a few days earlier. I'm even thinking that I might continue my vocational training. But ... the heavens don't seem to like to see that outcome.

As much of a fan of methods of industry I've become, there seems to be something very wrong with it yet. Maybe this and "the other thing" I have on mind are unrelated - but there's a little ... "heart to heart" I suppose that I yet have to come down with.


Let's call it: The temptations of wealth.

So the thing that irks me ... about seeing villas and such. "Bling bling" as it were. Like ... watching Blacklist there's always these more or less subtle flashes of wealth ... which I assume are appropriate for the setting ... which tickle this desire ... perhaps envy ... to have something better than whatever shithole you're living in.

I mean, I hate it. I was about to get into a legal dispute with my dad over the inheritance from my grandpa ... which would entail a sizeable house with a sizeable garden and probably a fair amount of money along with it. At the very least an opportunity to rent out a sizeable part of the house. And I really felt the greed kicking in. Ideas of what I might afford, but disturbingly that feeling that it might not be enough.

And I'm not sure if it's just empathy ... like, "supernatural", telepathic empathy, that allows me to relate with people that are overcome by it - where a little moment of unwillingness to share or yield turns into an immense hunger for more and a shrinking willingness to share or yield - even past any point of justification or reason.

The most recent instance that comes to mind is the Veritasium video on "the Ice King" ("White Gold") - which I watched yesterday. It's one of those stories that has me further root for the "hero" of "the story". The Ice King ... a man who started from nothing and basically revolutionized civilization as we know it ... like ... single-handedly. But alas, he turned out to be a bit of a prick.

In a way however it seems to be too common of a pattern to put the blame squarely on the individual. And still, eventually there comes a point ... where one then either moves on with their life or turns to illicit means to further perpetuate their wealth or status or whatever. A harsh critic would call these things unjustifiable and for the rule of law or the concept of justice to hold, that ought to be the line to be drawn. One excuse of whatever nature justifies another ... and sooner or later that would devolve into ... well, the world as we (might not) know it.


But ... if it could be an excuse ... the rot obviously goes a lot deeper than the misdeeds of a single person. And to be able to even just grasp the full extent of it ... You'd either have to be in the know from perspective of the Scriptures, or climb more ladders than the average person could ever hope to.

The concept of an(?) 'Eldrazi' comes to mind. Those are fictional entities from the Magic The Gathering universe, said to be multiversal or multidimensional beings of some sort, where the full bodies as they appear in fiction are said to merely be parts of them. Like a finger maybe. Some would call that an "Eldritch Monster". I suppose anyone who enters the Ninedom can consider themselves to be a little bit like that as well. But for whatever matters here ... as the stories go, they hint at this larger conspiracy - but none ever goes as far as to the top. All we ever see would be merely the shoes or feet of whatever lurks further in the background; And those feet wouldn't even be the ones on top.
And for as long as those are able to maintain a system of injustice, all we could ever hope to accomplish would be as a fight against windmills. Well, pessimistically speaking.

And it's somewhat interesting see how there's a bit of a throughline throughout fiction - or movies. Where ... early on we get stories of how corrupt businessmen try to usurp ... some neighborhood or put concurrence out of business ... all these little stories of victories or losses ... that over time ... more and more implied that the bad guys won those previous battles. One movie might leave the bad guy as the victor with some personal victory to end the movie on (???) - or some Deus Ex Machina to make the story digestible - but more and more ... it is established the the bad guys have all the tools, all the toys, all the things. More of it, the upgraded versions of it - and whatever prototype the protagonist is running around with is serialized and bolted onto an army in the background.


But anyway. There's the parable of the weeds; And as it stands ... it kind of just so happens that the harvest seems to be ... what my mission is all about. So ... this whole point is thusly mute.


Well. There's like ... two venues to this. And I see it now more clearly than before. And I don't want the good ending of my story to be a "what if" that future historians might be curious about. And this whole issue is the only part in me that would indicate that ... there are in deed two possible outcomes. Well, if God would allow.
And it kind of comes all down to how we work with Money or the concept thereof.


Because yes. Money is evil. The problem with wealth is written into the New Testament. And if there's a way to do without it, we should prioritize it as the alternative ... well. Is it that simple?
Not sure ... as, as I think of it more concretely it doesn't seem to make sense. But what I mean is that at least in some instances ... Money is the bad alternative.
And in those instances ... we have to reject it.


So, in other words: I think most importantly we need to prioritize to create a reality of wealth that is independent from it.
Like, when I come to think of "the Global South" - a.k.a. 'the Victims of the Wealth of the Western World' - there is ... well, to put on my diplomacy hat (Please ... don't go!), this issue. And I stupid westerner only have like half a brain cell to properly understand it. So, please bear with me. And I suppose that no matter where You live, You can see the evil of money all around You.
You might tell Yourself: "Just a little more, that ought to fix it!" - which is like ... also every person here in the west.

And ultimately ... it's true that we are the ones that are screwed. Because once the trade stops ... and we have to turn towards what we can harvest ourselves ... we'd be the poor ones because somehow we thought it fine to plaster everything over here with concrete. Sotospeak.

I suppose that our collapse is inevitable, but it would be naive to think that evil would crumble along with it. Well, maybe I'm overestimating them at this point ... maybe the fall of the west is what we should be looking forward to, but ... to be fair ... we need help just as much as the rest. Sure, we live in wealth. Incredible wealth by comparison.
I mean - I was surprised that a full meal, in the Philippines, would cost me like ... 50 pesos. Which at the time was like ... 1 Euro? And 1 Euro here in Germany is like ... nothing. If I got to the vending machine for a coffee ... 60 cents. A "normal" cup of coffee is usually far beyond that. Anything below 2 Euros is cheap. Most places start upwards of 3 Euros for a cup. Which, sure, is like ... for lazy people. I can get a full kilo or so for 4 to 5 Euros ... so, two cups and I'm already beyond that ... but that's like the next thing. To save that money, I'd have to get up earlier to brew coffee - and ... who has time for that?
And then there's Bills. Like ... everyone constantly wants money and then they want even more of it. I won't say that we didn't lose sight or touch with the rest of the world - we most certainly did - but we're trying; For however little that matters.

We live in wealth, but are still being taxed into poverty. And if we don't play along, we too risk losing everything.

And on the other hand we think that our lifestyles are good. Desirable. Worth exporting even. And maybe that'd be good - if it weren't for the super-rich that have the money and the power to act overseas beyond our own reach and flip things on its head again.

In totality there might even just be a few that truly are to bear all the blame. "Those without sin, throw the first stone!" - and the biggest sinner will pick up the largest rock and start hurling it just for the heck of it.


If we can look past the money, the truth is that we over here are left with pretty much nothing. A bunch of concrete and infrastructure that might as well be past its prime. Maybe that's too bleak, but ... I suppose it's close enough.

//a nap and a "what the heck was I up to again?" later//

Money ... is weird and there may be no way to work around it. But once the world goes down - and I suppose it will as soon as we appear in large enough numbers - we don't want to be stuck tied to it. I suppose, somewhat ironically, especially here in the west.
And yea, fair enough. I guess.


But ... I kind of started this as some kind of confession. Well ... . And at this point, I suppose there's two ways to feel about wealth. Or, the kind of wealth I'm ... about to step into. And I suppose there was some kind of mirror that was held to my face at some point. I mean, my programming journey started with QBasic; And after I was done proposing my ideas to Nintendo and Capcom I was under the impression that I'd have to come up with some more serious work. So I started to write a 3D Model editor in QBasic. Hmm ... I'm sure I have it somewhere.
And it was around that time that I was like ... in some "vision" ... visited by the back then CEO of Nintendo as though he was shown my life and my possible future to say: Nope! I mean, the whole story would have been its own lesson ... and seeing the kind of world that I would have to step out of ... I feel somewhat better off never having stepped into it.

Realistically however, I am still going to be incredibly wealthy. The infrastructure we have here isn't going anywhere anytime soon; And it's only reasonable that sooner or later I'd receive the best possible accommodation. When I think about it however, money isn't an issue. Except sometimes ... the wealth is more so in the foreground, ... and apart from trying to rationalize it there's just this feeling ... that things aren't going the way they should. Hmm ... something irks me. Something is wrong. "This shouldn't be the issue/concern". And I guess ... . I mean, to be bold, I assume that I could really just say that I want to live in, let's say, "this castle" - and it would be a thing. That's the good ending. If I said, that instead of three proper meals I want to have snacks for the whole day "and try to keep it diverse, eventually some things will stick" - nobody would want to deny me that. Well, unless maybe there's health related concerns. But as soon as money becomes a part of the equation ... things start to feel wrong.

And I guess ... it is as simple as that.


On the other hand I can see myself ... basically traveling around in a tent. Well, like a circus. That'd be more open to the general public and more "crowd friendly" - which could work to some extent and would in my mind also speak more to the common effort than the depth of any ones pocket. And for a proper thought experiment, this is probably THE starting point.
This ... irking feeling ... it so comes up in this scenario, so - my environment, but it also comes up when I think about global relations. More specifically the divide between the hemispheres. The "extraction of resources" is a topic that comes to mind, where gifts of hospitality are one thing; And money to "self hospitalize" would be another. Whether I'd take money for to be somewhere or whether I use "my own" money to be somewhere ... both are equally unsound to me. I guess one question there is: How not to be a colonizer ... how not to be "an external force" with its own agenda?

I mean, I'd look towards ... who those close to me would be, assuming that my assumptions are correct and the feelings true, I'd suppose myself to be taken care of. In one way or another I'd be in that situation - and while that and the world around it would be its own story with its own challenges ... nothing about it feels wrong. At first.
Eventually however there's this feeling of getting stuck. As ... perhaps ... when getting too comfortable with the situation; But I suppose that's more so a problem of the people I'd surround myself with; Where again ... the difference could be roughly translated into a matter of hospitality on one and a matter of money on the other side of things.

Not that I/we wouldn't have a budget to play around with. But for real, I shouldn't be asking for Your money. If You want to throw money my way ... sure. I'll take it! But that's also kind of the mentality that ... I suppose I should be bringing into it. Sooner or later it'd be meaningless. And ... the sooner the better. Well, that'd certainly be an ending for the ages.

Like, yea ... it should be a disappointment if we couldn't get there. I mean, within reason, we might still have or use money or something like that; But ... uh ... hmmm !!! . There's a right way and a wrong way - it seems - and I'm caught off guard a bit because things don't feel as wrong as I expected. To look for that feeling that irks me ... I have to come back to the situations detailed above. Where, if we can avoid those pitfalls ... the rest is pretty much inevitable. Like ... call it a reset or starting from first principles. A new currency maybe - where one key term is 'debt'. If we're using money as is we're going off of whatever value any one currency would hold, what factors tie into it and ... in as far as people have to work with the logic and math behind it there's ... . Well, looking for that feeling doesn't seem to do the trick anymore.

So, more important is the underlying ... philosophy.


Like, first of all we have to get organized. The structure that will form the basis of our global relations will have to emerge before we can use it and rely on it - and yea, as one can't eat money, money also doesn't build roads. Money as it exists in this world right now is a tool of enslavement. Government money is kind of different, as it more directly corresponds to the collective effort of a people - and thus relates more directly to a kind of common will. It's an abstraction of whatever forces can be brought into play. Private money on the other hand ... it more intrinsically contradicts the former. While the former has a more direct relation to the common aspect of things it's also closer to matters of have and need. And there so is no need for private money to exist. It makes no sense for us to say: Well, we need "this" to be "there" - but also let's make sure that any one random person could throw a wrench into it because capitalism or whatever.

So, Money could be a way for us to say: Who is ultimately entitled to say "what" has to go "where" - but money as is also kind of makes that difficult. And because of that; hmm ...


OK, ... here's another way of looking at it: Wealth Equalization: YES!

The biggest evil, the real crux of that irking feeling, it's all about withdrawing wealth from where it needs to be, a.k.a. ... the global south; And the various mechanisms by which that would or could happen. Maybe we feel superior or like we can handle it more responsibly. Maybe we ourselves feel responsible (real pitfall) and mean to be more reserved and more conscious of where to put it. But so the question becomes: How to shift an appropriate amount of wealth to where it needs to be? Or: How do we even define wealth or "needed wealth"? And in a way it begins right here ... by saying: "OK, what do You need?" and to then think about it ourselves to see what kinds of investments make sense. That's slow, it sucks and ... whatever.

So, a simple brute force method were to take the total amount of money and really ... distribute it equally. But ... first we would have to get that kind of power. Which, sure ... let's say it's inevitable ... but then, why not ... take the money out of the equation? I mean, by the logic it's really just numbers.


At this point it's ... hard to tell. Which is why ... the short hand answer is to basically redefine wealth.
To maybe see money as a common good rather than an individual one. But ... I see this is really kind of growing beyond my head right now. So, I'm going to call it a day now ... and we'll continue on this journey at some later point. My weed has arrived, I also have to eat, ... so and so ... we can't save the world in a single day; But we're getting there.