Beep Boop - I'm not a Bot. This is just some rambling

Or a rant perhaps. Like out of nowhere I guess. Just one of those fabled female mood swings I could suppose. It's just like ... earlier today a flip just switched. I mean, I didn't even notice it. Actually I'm in a relatively good mood. But waiting at the Bus stop, something just started to irk me. There was this woman with her child - and right from the start my mind was laser focussed on hating on them. So, first she appears in my vision ... then I look at her child and one really was uglier than the other. She was well dressed however, her son ... well, looked kind of dirty. But that could have been the skin condition. All the stuff was clean as I could later see. Bags and Jacket. So, overcompensation perhaps? Anyway. Whatever. I'm telling myself not to hate on them for no reason. So, I look elsewhere - time passes by - the Bus arrives, it's jam packed - so, doors open, people try to get out, a whole bunch of people packed waiting around the exit, and that woman and her son right at the front. I mean - it's like ... I can't blame her for that. I meant to note anyway that ever since COVID something changed.

I mean, people used to have respect when entering public transportation. But since during COVID it was like ... well mannered to give people who got a seat some space ... and the habit broke through to block the seat next to you with a bag ... it's gotten wild. Bloodsport! I mean, I used to be good ... weaving through crowds and that. But well, competition has grown! Considerably! And ... the new trick is to get through without causing a scene.
So, practizing your Zen because the road to victory is paved with losses.

Anyway. So - while people were trying to get out - and a lot had gotten out - but the Bus was still pretty much full - people outside started to itch. Like ... I did that too. And I'm not sure why. It's like ... pressure from behind. So, you then stand 'in the door' while trying let people out because you can't get into the midway just yet. So, you're feeling polite because you're waiting in the door and you gave way to the person behind ... except it's just ... it's just stupid. Since I at that moment had "back of the flock superiority" I couldn't suppress the comment "a little bit more patience perhaps" - and well. I got in eventually, saw enough empty seats to find a spark of hope - and there were just as many people in front of me as there were empty seats. Well, except that one seat. Next to that woman from earlier. She had her son on her lap and the bags next to her. I asked her if she could remove the bags or perhaps just gestured to her that I would like that to happen - then she pointed to her son and I was like, dang, you right ... uh ... I pointed at the floor next to her feet but she refused and I ... had to stand because yea ... whatever. So, I took out my phone, opened Reddit, which is probably the actual mistake, and ... . Well. I on and off tried to put it away but then I was like "dang, I wish I could sit" - and "technically there's enough space here" - "but nah" - and something in me just got angry and wanted to throw the bags away; Latching onto whatever negative assumption I could have about her; And whizzing off into more generalized ideations of how everything sucks and nobody has any manners and how the whole lot is just rotten and we need to clean up for good.


But yea. One thought that does pop up in my mind ever so oftten is that getting a person to rely on public transportation is one way to get that person to develop a weird relationship with the concept of Love and Compassion.
Maybe that's just traffic in general.

I mean - of all the things in the world, this is one of the true contenders to the concept of greatest man made evils. But maybe it's more so the time-pressure involved with it, so ... yea, Capitalism. Makes sense.


This Meme is very Real!


I also noticed that I pay more attention to how wealthy people are. Or, what looks wealthy. So, sitting in the train or the Bus - and I realize that my brain is kind of coded to sort people in by looks ... say ... if a guy wears a style of pants that reminds of something - I sort them into there. I noticed while looking at a guy's pants - seeing them - and immediately having a negative reaction without having noticed much else about the person at all. Nothing but peripheral impressions. Then I looked at the guy and nothing about him did fit the ... negative picture that popped up in my head. I mean - there would be other negative pictures that'd pop into my head from that.

And I don't know. Sometimes I move through traffic and things are fine. But sometimes I just see a person and ... all of it goes away.

Sounds like the prelude to a Witch-Hunt.


Oh, I just noticed - there's a detail to the story from before. While being there in the back of the crowd - and watching people exit the Bus, as you can read I did notice something along the lines of "the crowd getting unrestful". And I may have been there in the back, noticing it, and giving it like an intentional shove. Leaning into the "bastard energy" there of just rudely shoving into the Bus. And that's like where the first people started attempts at getting in.

And it's one of those things - when looking at the world as it is - that's ... making me feel hopeless. I mean, I'm not in a spot where I'm entitled to hold the kinds of opinions and attitudes that I do. Sortof. And I don't know how to get there - and that's a bit depressing.

It's like ... this world is actively trying to snuff out everything that's good. And this is serious to the point where ... technically ... the serious question is: How to keep enough people engaged for LONG enough? I mean ... one could hope to plant seeds of goodness here and there - but it's like there's individuals, maybe just a few, that make it their duty to rip them out.

Like, what is life?


I'm asking this - wondering what has become of my picture of the world, that I had when I was a child. And I don't mean it in regards to the world as a thing of its own, but the world as part of the concept of life that we as human beings have to contend with in this world.

I mean - is it just the weather that has gotten worse? Why am I associating greens, fresh springs and summers, pretty autumns and beautiful winters with "the world" - while being a child, and just grey, concrete and toxic fumes and liquids now that I'm grown up?
I mean, how can I enjoy staying outside when every tiny droplet of rain reminds me of: "Hey, that shit is toxic now! Maybe not stand around in it letting myself get soaked with it!".

So, sure. There's a mental component to it. Something about pattern recognition and optimizing and goods and bads and all that.


Hmm. A pattern I just recognized. I mean - I don't have voices in my head but I do. I don't know how to describe it. It's like ... some of my thoughts or realizations come in form of like ... an out of Character experience. I see some person that is having that thought as though they were saying it. Whatever. Just randomly. And so - I get the impression that there is an understanding and that I can relax a little. But it would be ... those people that then stand like ... perpendicular to how they would if that had been true - and I'm a bit bummed out. So ... yea. But then thoughts also just get lost in the haze ... so ... off "you" go ...[a gust of wind wooshes through the narrow cracks of a canyon into the darkness]


Anyway. What is Life? I'm asking this, wondering about what's missing. But in this context that's like saying: What would be if the good things weren't destroyed? I mean, they are there. I'm sure of it. But wherever I look, it's like ... trapped by people who ... I assume can't help themselves either.

And so yea, inevitably - at some point my message goes out to YOU - as in 'You' the avearge shmuck nobody that's reading this. But yea. Then I get to realize that we kind of do expect one another to have broken the 7th Seal - at least that's like a baseline of operations in a way - so, I assume that I don't have to worry. And yea, it'd be silly if I had to. I mean, I've been there and ... when taken to it I'm vehemently opposed to giving you shit. Sorry but not Sorry.


And yea - if what it comes down to is some "Survival of the Fittest", I should really try not to be in your way to get fit.
Well ... sure - "if" there's someone. I wonder.

I mean, I keep thinking of various ways in which God could have squeezed out an opportunity for His fold to grow - and they kind of exist as hypotheticals in my head. And I really do like what I'm seeing.
I wonder how much of it is actually real.


Anyway. Off to something else.

Back in my teens, I kind of considered myself an "Otaku" - with the preservation that I might not fully understand what the term entails. It was after that, that the term "Weeb" emerged, for a moment I was kind of fully on board with the moniker until at some point I had more of a somewhat adverse reaction to the term. Perhaps that was part of "the internet" making it more negative than it is; And me having not a strong enough connection the term to identify with it made me - well, mostly ambivalent about it.

Now, by modern terms I would have been a Gooner. Definitely. But the kind that doesn't mind playing Baldur's Gate 3 because Gooning > Politics.
And a part of civilized gooning is a healthy sense of shame.
There's a chance I would be a "Programmer Socks"/Femboy type - before coming out as Trans.

And from there on - things should pretty much converge to where they do.

But, I also find it a bit scary to think about this. I mean - growing up these days ... . Well, there for once is a past I cherish that's kind of ... lost under the rubble. Which is also like a first in history, sort of. Every era was like slow enough, in a way, for things to move along and people grow on top of the past. Today it's kind of running away and the whole "Golden Era" as some want to call it is basically just like ... tat, sold for nostalgia at rubbish stores, while entertainment of today is like ... barely even comprehensive because there's like no level of comprehension outside of the brief moment to moment interactions that probably all end as nonsensical as they began.

I mean - I've seen some things that made me wonder just how hard it could be to find a competent writer? Like, how would that pass any quality test in an economy where I would assume more than enough talented people are desperately looking for an opportunity like that.

But yea - that's kind of ... what I saw coming. What I was even warning about. And since LLMs are an actual thing, that story has even come to its final conclusion. Forces are taking over that do not care about the things we care about. And while Art used to be one way in which the ordinary person could break rank and shift the attention ... yea, ... what I see of it these days are like ... a last few brave men standing on a vast battleground that has been active for centuries let's say. And it seems like ... "we" are a dieing breed.
Well, but it also seems like that people are slowly waking up to an understanding of how pointlessly useless the contemporary attempts to "scale" LLMs/AI are - begging the question if a masturbatory urge to pointlessly over- or underdevelop things in hopes of striking a gold-mine should really be the basis of how our civilization functions. I would offer a vehement 'no' to that - but the verbal complexity of the honest version of it would require us to summon some kind of court for the hearing.

And it is a thing. It's like ... a reaction. I speak of revolution ... my mind envisions a drop into the water, a drop of proverbial blood to the proverbial shark. I speak of ... killing politicians and I hear things like "Amen". Well, not Amen specifically but along those lines. Maybe I have discovered some kind of political niche that suits my collected assortment of interests - like, the universe is talking to me. It's like ... the spring-birds are arriving and filling the air with their song.


Is it evitable?
Somewhere along the lines I felt like we want a term for "them", because terms such as 'human' or 'people' are conceptually averse to our understanding of them. I also wouldn't want to call them "ticks", as in association with other "parasites" and conditions some folk would describe as that; And I kind of arrived at the term 'Aslak'. I suppose it means something in some arabic language ... turkish, albanian, whatever - and I have no clue what it means but it's close enough to the term "Associal" and it's appearance in derogatory terms and slurrs - that I kind of equate the two, to say: A term of scornful disappreciation unto the asocial. ~ish. Like, it is ... a slur, meant to be derogatory or disendearing - as to also express a form of distaste. Like during the second world war the term "Nazi" - or in some places "Commie" would be that. It's basically an act of war in that a group of people is specifically labeled as an enemy. And that's also all there is, basically. They're enemies - nothing else.

And sure. What one would do with or to 'the enemy' - that's also context sensitive. Sure, if we were in Second World War, we'd shoot them, bomb them, invade them, whatever. Or try to. But as it stands we don't do anything. Not yet. Then ... well. I guess this is ... where variance comes into play. And before overthinking it - once something is rolling, time will take care of a few things by itself. So, we could ignore them, try to argue or reason with them - and in a way we could think of it as a "Ritual", a true "Witch Hunt", an Exorcism - where ... "the true Aslaks will be revealed". Like ... like you know an asshole when one starts shitting at you ... you know an Aslak when they start being an Aslak.

Yes. What's important for a Professional Witch Hunt, Rule #1: Know the Enemy! You don't want to accidentally shoot an innocent granma and be done calling it a day. That's bad Karma and that's not what you want to have too much of. And I'm inclined to believe that killing innocent granmas is high up on the bad karma range.
Not top tier - but ... it's up there.

Rule #2: Be prepared! - I guess. I mean, for reals, this isn't really my strong suit. I have found myself in situations where I clearly wasn't prepared for something although I could have been. As luck had it, I didn't have to be prepared. But now it serves me as a stuck experience that cautions me to say here, that you don't want to get caught off guard.
And sure, but that then begs the question: DO I really need to tell you that?
But so - there is no contention to be had about this being a Rule here, I assume. And while being universally true, this is one occasion where it's specifically true, in a whole different way that's however still the same concept, so ... uhm. Yea. But ... I guess, these are trade secrets and stuff - like, if I had the information there'd probably be some confidentiality seal on the file and I'd have to wrestle with the concept of what the right thing were here. Agree to the secrecy or be hardline open and honest? And, as not having secrets helps me with being hardline open and honest, it kind of makes sense that I might not know certain things.
But sure. Here it makes sense. Because, if I told you to "not stand in the fire", then the traps would be anywhere but in the fire, so that ultimately you should stand in the fire - or so, find a way to stand in there. I mean, for this type of stuff - there's even a unique pointlessness to it, that's like ... reason enough.

Is there a Rule #3? Well, in honesty, I guess ... it all comes in variations of preparedness. Know the Enemy. Understand their Traps. Learn their Weaknesses. Realize their capabilities. This way I think - theoretically speaking - the hunt can for instance be narrowed down. I mean - if we were looking for witches, we should look for signs of the supernatural. If we can clearly identify supernatural activity - we may infer a source via theory, leading to a range of suspects. I mean ... .
In my mind they're like ... patrolling the streets. Keeping an eye on who's familiar, "crowd profiling" we might say. So, if we ever did the same, they'd spot us.
One of their biggest weaknesses - from my perspective - might be a certain blindness mixed with paranoia. I would think that there are certain criteria that they are mindful of, like: "The people are passive and cucked" - while being given a set of tools to accomplish that and a link to call in for support or whatever. Like, in case anything noteworthy is to be noted. And I think that it all very much depends on secrecy. To blend in. To be part of the crowd. But ultimately also to move into positions of power. To be like ... the 20% that cause 80% of "control". Or whatever. Like ... how being in control of "Music" is being in control of what people hear. What they get to vibe on. And how to get people to hear specific things is probably some kind of well developed trade secret that depends on a whole range of things most people wouldn't dream of having access to.

I mean, I'm pretty convinced that the "end game", in their mind, is simply: Complete Control. To not only dominate - but to be indomitable. And I suppose it works by giving all the power to those who wouldn't give it to those who don't have it. So those who would seek it ... have no way of getting it.

And sure, it's a ... kind of stupid concept of power that does come apart rather easily, but that would require 'us' to develop a degree of internal complexity such that this can be processed and then acted upon.


So, in as far as they can control that - so and so. Make your guesses. Now, I also get that they want to play it smart. Or so, them being smart is the play they game. It's like their whole MO, like baked into their core I would assume, to have some rebuttal that usually only relies on people taking them by their word. At least, that's the visible part on the internet. But with it also comes what we call "smugness" which I think most eventually come to associate with a kind of wealth that allows them to be like that. But so there's an even bigger, more smug game in the background that we don't know about - and just how smug it is ... well, is anyone's best guess. Give or take. I mean, I suppose we do have a lower bar and that's already pretty ... ugh ... not pretty.

And sure. In terms of how 'low' THE BAR is, theirs - I suppose it's somewhere below hell right above the fiery pit and beyond the safety limit.


Maybe. Just ... random thoughts. I mean, this weed is ... not perfect ... but ... it's among the best stuff I've had. It's pretty much at the sweet spot of all the criteria I've come to establish. Not 100% and then there's stuff I haven't figured out yet I guess. But that's ... also a bit too far and beyond useful right now.

I mean, between CBD and THC ratios there's something else. Or 'beyond' or whatever. A different quality that's still a bit rough to describe. And here ... it seems this is more like ... random space. And yea, I couldn't tell you the difference between Indica and Sativa. I know what I'm currently smoking is a Hybrid. I guess it's comparable to cheese in a way ... where ... under the umbrella of cheese there are lots of different cheeses that are however similar enough to be a kind of cheese. But it's not like with alcohol where you just get different degrees of shitfaced - plus perhaps a sugar/caffeine shock or whatever - #whynotboth? - well, #whynotheartattack? - it's more like different colors of portals that lead into different parallel universes. Or layers - like - a lens. I mean, we could speak of the effect of Cannabis as a perceptive distortion (with resonance layers) - and from the difference in effect we can assume some layer of "meta cognition" (lack of descriptive index) that is basically an emergent form of the given stimuli. I mean, because the effect feels different, different receptors of the mind are being stimulated. Evidently. So, the configuration of what is being stimulated is the base distortion that generates the experience. Which means: Weed can be good ... but I suppose that there's a potential for pretty bad stuff too.

Now, if we could come up with a Color Palette that we can also consistently rely upon - that would be a huge breakthrough in the world of Psychedelic Wisdoms.

So yea. Being high is more like a flavor than a high. Where being drunk is more of a high than a flavor.


Anyway. Energy Discharge Complete.