A final Lesson? - Part 2

Where was I? Well ... I'm sure it doesn't matter all that much. I mean, I had a thought, got lost in a web of them - and somehow I have to consider it a done thing. So, I'll just keep it around. I don't know - sometimes.


It's a mess. And when I say that, I mean - I kind of got to touch on it previously, speaking of scales for instance - as from my own perspective. And sure enough, in simplicity: Some of my ideas don't seem to line up. And I'm not sure how much of a mess my mess is. So I come to refocus on what does line up.

And maybe the mess is not so much a real mess, but just a jumble of thoughts that competes with each other. And what's right and what's wrong so would seem to shift throughout the day.
And so, at the end, I think I can be a lot more contempt with myself. But so it would be a next step to put a more serious focus onto it.

One issue, or factor, I think is stress. A part of what makes this shift happen is a network of possibilities in which this shift can occur. And the bigger the network grows, the more likely individual shifts are going to affect each other. Which is primarily compounded by the number of elements that are affected by these shifts and how interconnected they are.
So, work for instance. It is right and good to go to work and earn your living. In doing so however, you don't have much time for other things. So, now, as for me and what I care about, I certainly needed more time than I would have had. So, I am then glad that "there's a system that rewards people for being lazy". So, already you have a complex situation where one shift has a myriad of consequences, possibly.
Now, logically I should not (be able/allowed to) agree with the "work for a living" mentality - but of course, if no work is being done, we'll just die. Except for those that can somehow work for a 'living'.


Another conflict exists between violence and non-violence. And one part of me feels like it needs ot be sorry, and another feels like there is nothing to be sorry about.


There's however the part that stood up in rage and would use what it had to do something stupid. In my defense however: I'm of the mind that the time of harvest has begun. And all emotions and stuff aside, Justice is a very real thing that we'll somehow have to come to terms with. Also as something that does come from us. That is our own. In that regard: A democracy. As opposed to a "Tyranny". What I mean is that we need, perhaps, a clear consciousness of how the law is being shaped, why it exists and how it is being enforced. So, why we want what to be enforced how.

And we don't want to ping pong between two wrong ends of the bargain either.


And I don't know. I also feel like it not only behooves me to show strength, but that it is a necessity in that it is carried by what I would call "God's Graces". And if that's me being out of my mind, then well - I'm on the right track for what this is about.

Sure. The worries that God might just have abandoned me, or would just do so because I did this or that, they sit deep. But I don't know why I should worry, given how He was always there to lift and cheer me up when things got bad.
But then I'm like "for how much longer do things have to be this way?" - and it's a bit stressful sometimes.


... UHm. So ...
There are times where what I would write here ... wouldn't be so kind to Him. And leaning into that stress meant that further cracks showed up - I assume - and all in all that means that I have to redevelop some of the trust that got lost there. But I also have to learn on my part to be less rigid. To leave that tolerance ... for, whatever is necessary. Say, this complex whole that we inhabit - it can't all come together, perfectly, seamlessly, all the time. Or as a Factorio player I might say: "ThE Spaghetti is Inevitable! The Spaghetti CometH! It Cometh! Oh, it cometh! It is Real! THE Spaghetti Monster! It ...[wuarrgh]"

So, whatever trust got Lost there, it may have been for the better - as it, to wrap this story up, isn't so much about trust that I must have in God, but trust that I must develop in myself. I guess this is also a way of saying that if we learn to see the world, or reality, as something that doesn't "move" in clear or concise ways - maybe even something that tries to inherently defy our expectations - we learn to be cautious of those expectations and look for better things to put energy into.

But that's sometimes also easier said than done.
I mean, it is one solution as drawn together from a wealth of experiences - which doesn't say that it works for EVERY problem.


So ... //22:35 - after hours of doing other things I find, head is decidedly blanks right now