A Story of Ages

I don't know if there is someone who could compile what would pass as a comprehensive history of the church. I don't know what Church means, in this context. Wherever two were assembled in His name, He would be with them. And what, when and where - who knows? And who knows which wind has swept which thing to which place so that this or that could be as it is?

I mean ... it happens, that two people have a completely different view on a thing. I'd say, well, we're lucky, we have it good here. And in the very same moment people exist that have a whole list of issues with things here and there. Things are as on a knife's edge, is what I wanted to say - or to be more pronounced: It is as if - or it would seem to be so. Not that we can be of different opinions, but the world around us is just a tipping point away from being absolutely horrible. That ... would be the idea or a sentiment. Is it the way it is? I'm not sure - but, it looks like it.
The thing is, the things that we don't see can be both - good or bad.

So - what answers could we even hope to have?
About the world around us?


What goes where, when, how and why?
The thing with complexity to me seems to be, that you can pretty much count on it. Whatever we're able to grasp, it's usually just fragmentary. Fragments that speak of something beyond what we might even be capable of assuming, but also wherever we look, it's things that are complex in a complexity of ways.
To some extent, sure, we simplify it. Up and Down are fairly simple once a consistent Anchor is given. But so when we get to Up and Down respectively, close up, it's not all that simple anymore. Well, at first it is simple, then you learn a thing or two and it's not simple anymore. That's ... a weird side-effect of this.


Or is it?

Anyway. So, I sent out an e-mail, basically just saying hi; And it's weird. There is a blur of Characters and Images - and woven into it a dream I once had. Or a series of dreams perhaps. At least two? And it is the dream that makes me worried about those images - and see them more clearly for a mere amalgamation of locked away hopes and dreams that weave around a yearning for something happy and familiar.

Or whatever - the thing is, it kind of throws me off balance to have that influence on my mind; As a part of me also deems itself as under scrutiny. A new set of eyes looking at what I've become - but this one feels different. It goes deeper.

So, maybe I am then given a chance to look at myself in the mirror - before it changes to my cope. And maybe there's a meaning to the Mirror Column that I wasn't aware of. Well.
Like, if you don't see the need to change - you're like a 10 on the "how blinded am I?" scale. But well, there are people who would try to make a point that no in fact you are to presume their infallibility - however things may come. So, as we move beyond 10, we're in "mass delusion" territory. Maybe it occurs as a society is stuck carrying the burden of one such shmuck - because everyone is just too proud to admit that anyone of them might be wrong in any one way fathomable.

But well. For now, what am I seeing?


Well, on the one hand I would need to be a deliverer of Good News somehow. Obviously. I mean - there must be an answer to the reason behind my journey. Seeing perhaps that I've been setup to see things from a unique angle - one that couldn't be easily replicated in any way. So, here the concern isn't so much whether I'm right or not, but what I've become and stuff aligned with that.

The whispers of my mind imagine there being theories of how I'd have to be turning out. And I must presume that my timing was impeccable.

Now I'm waiting for the Butler giving me the keys to the Kingdom and the lost treasure of the Temple Knights or something. And it's kind of a toss up between that and getting plagued by worries of the worse kind.

And yea. What do I have to show for myself? What would I?
I mean - in some semse I personally want to believe that there can be a very robust common understanding of what "the Gospel" is. At least in these parts it seems like something that's also kindof innate. Whatever. So, I'm like - nobody needs to be told that, although I certainly was wondering from time to time. And yea, if the answer is like "we have to Live it" - we're right at the point. There's only better or worse ways of putting it. Which is also contextual and stuff. So, if there's a problem it's not in the principality of things.

Which is nice!
I like the idea of people maybe being like "Oh, I think [they] could be trans!" even if they had no idea of how that would make sense. If someone's waiting for me, I'd expect it to go that way. Unless they knew it'd be this way - but yea, whatever. I guess.


Anyway, it doesn't feel real. Meanwhile my heart is getting struck by this ... impression ... that I'm basically done and things are just a matter of time at this point. I assume that's how it feels like when someone else is putting weight on a situation. Which prepares me for a surprise that then won't come. I mean, I've been through this before. Year after year.

And eventually that opens the doors to some other part of my reality - or perspective. "Vantage point". The mesh of personal failures and instances in which I feel betrayed - the symptoms of a system that seems to exist beyond my reach and actively tries to keep me away. The familiarity of the cold, wet outdoors. The living and breathing mockery of life and its sanctity. It's like "the Christmas Story Untold" - the opening shot of every Christmas sob-story except it's the whole movie.
In the end it's a story of how well evil is thriving - and how all you got is the option to suck it up.

...


It's somehow ... well, it is how it is. And somehow the collective belief in that there might yet be something good about it somehow creates enough of an atmosphere to kind of ... drown it out somehow.

Well. It is possibly a dark interpretation of the time - given how fine I enjoyed my previous one. But ... I guess that's me having found a way to cope with the stress.
It's, to me, a celebration of loneliness - and the appreciation of peace and quiet.
Perhaps it is also somehow culturally imprinted onto me - to, you know, "be Christmas-y". Hmm ... somehow ... a Christmas Horror story just came to mind. Some ... you might call it "DaVinci Code-esque twist" on the concept. Some conspiracy. The thing is, I don't really know what the two days of Christmas are for. On Christmas Eve we clearly focus on the birth of Christ. And then there's two days of Coma.

My guess would be that there's some extra Lore that's passed around darker circles that celebrates Christmas as a celebration of what gave the Catholic Church its power. On the surface it's Christ - but underneath there are immediate signs of betrayal.

So, the North American habit of opening the gifts on the morning of the first Christmas day, that could represent the death and blood of Christ. I don't know where I've picked it up, but one story goes that Christ may have been banished into a tree. And by Christ the story would refer to "the God being" - implying that "God being" and "God power" are two different things.

The thing is - the true story would be ... "whatever". Depending on what it's about and whom it involves. Some could argue that it involves me, that "Eli" - as Jesus cried out - refers to me. And there's actually a few ways to deal with these darknesses.


First of all however, the primary answer to these questions I think is to consider the "one-ness" of "it all". It can't get any more real than that as it comes down to what you believe about existence and reality. And temptation, I would argue, comes in to get you to chose on its behalf as opposed to whatever should have priority.

So, the next best thing might go into the direction of "probability argumentation". Which ... isn't the best, sure - but, as written in Amos, and noted by historians and skeptics of the modern age, the story of Jesus is a bit of a Nothingburger. So, historians, outside of the cultural influence of the religion, don't have much to go on when it comes to things that the presence of "the Literal God" among us did for us.
Even more so, just as told in Amos, what follows are even more Perils - from the persecution of early Christians to the Inquisition. And it when it comes to what Nazis tend to do - so I just noticed - it kind of looks like some yearning back for those days.

But, by and large, when it comes to the world being like it is - and the things that are going on in it - it isn't really too much left or right from the usual. I mean, I hear that the history of China is a mess of its own like that.

Like the Satanic Panic and other horror stories - the real magic happens in the head. I'd say. And here ... spirit and spirituality diverge from one another depending on how we define either term. And ... yea ... the way we define them depends on our own assessment of what either of those terms entails. So, our own 'most valid' experience of the matter ... I presume. So, when it comes to my perspective - there's whatever the most common form of spirituality would be outside of [the ninedom/Christianity], and the correct one.

But yea, ultimately it comes down to how many we are. And whether or not we can diffuse the generational gradient a little more. And ... a lot of things. Like, the more we look, the more complicated it becomes.


...