Since I still have enough time and ontop of that discomfort - let me expand on a bunch of the "flawed" statements of my
recent post.
I mean, I think I didn't think things through enough - and so it would stand as though I argued that I'm a Goddess because
otherwise there could be Schisms. Well - no. Schisms, splinterings, disagreements, fiendships, quarrels, conflicts ... all
that works pretty well without me. And also regardless of me existing, for that matter.
Similarly is there the reality of a higher truth that yet eludes our knowledge - and our current state of insights with its
inherent openness to interpretation; To say that there is a higher perspective versus the nether one - and while the higher
perspective lends itself to the conceptualization of a kind of 'higher' or 'inherent' or 'absolute' truth, the nether one
lends itself to the opposite. So is the human mind, without partaking of the divine, separated from the key information -
to some extent - at the foundation of this absolute truth; And therefore lost in the mangle where the unknown is pregnant
with all sorts of possibilities; That are however not quite in fact possibilities.
As these higher truths have their roots in the nature of existence - the fundamental truths correspond to inherent facts of
that existence. To say, that as Existence at its most fundamental is consciousness - the primary truths that emerge from it
are matters of consciousness too. To my concerns we can therefore say, that they are 'esoteric' in kind.
So, if we were to argue over what is fair and what not - we'd be encouraged to bring up all sorts of grievances - a lot of
which, I'd argue, would draw from an esoteric view of the world. I mean, the moment we bring 'race' into the picture,
culture and history, we're drawing these effectively arbitrary boundaries that are open for discussion (because we're looking
for allies) up unto a certain point - to then derive some higher reason as to what constitutes right and wrong. So, it's
esoteric despite it's worldly origins.
As you may find, I'm not actually quite certain that I am the eldest of us. To me, Christ is certainly above me - and anything
else doesn't matter. I acknowledge, totally, that there are people wiser, smarter, more this and more that than me - when it
comes to the this' and thats - and that's that. So should you too find that Christ is above you; And that anything else is
barely of any significance.
What my argument ultimately boils down to is, that I vibe with God and that God vibes with me. The statement:
"whichever way we'd go - if I couldn't follow, we'd have a kind of schism." is a bit of an oopsie on my part - for reasons
already put forth, but also because I made it based on my inherent vibeyness with God - and all that follows. And what I
mean by "played out to the end" - is effectively an esoteric ... uhm ... assumption or idea/concept.
To understand that better, rather than thinking of me as the eldest, let's put that in terms of "biggest bang for the buck".
Or so, "Champion of Humanity" or ... "Elden Lord". And sure, what follows were conflict. The understanding that one could
challenge that position. And one could sure challenge that position - outside of simple interpersonal matters of this thing
that exist simply because God and I like each other. So, if we ignored things that would have God betray me - you sure could
work your way up to be more righteous than me - or how to put it - before the Lord. But you're probably not gonna get there
by bitching about me.
And yea, maybe this narrative is flawed. I mean, time and culture is full of twists and turns - so - maybe there's a time for
everyone; To be like ... the best. Yet, for some reason, have I been put into the position I find myself in. And I must assume
that that is due to what I here call: Esoteric Reasoning.
In my mind, there is some niche impression for instance that is I think described in the abstract; As a contest of sorts - where
I have been the last one standing - and thus been given the honors. And maybe so with room to spare. Somewhat along the lines of
being like ... the IRL version of Goku. In the narrative alignment - not the omniscient one. That contest may have simply been
God "doing some math" - or testing out various responses. The Antichrist therefore being some kind of "anti me". Though, sure,
more like an Anti-Christ for various reasons. Being anti-me would come with that. Or maybe due to that. Whatever, but sure
something along the lines of not being given ... the ultimate honors. Where the matter to me is, that ... if we're making concessions
of some kind - as to accommodate for their claims - we might as well do so for everyone else.
In my ... sort-of-PTSD riddled mind, I find for instance that "leadership quality" is like an issue that would be brought up.
Willpower. "Making the difficult choices". Such and such. Essentially the tale of Lucifer - but based on a different Character
setup.
Though that would then lend itself to the inverse - that I would have trouble bending my knee to them ... but that is because I
bend my knee unto the Most High first.
A Cosmic Bootlicker if you so will - I am. Sure. If it makes you happy.
I mean, it's not that I never turned ... against ... God, as it were. I have found myself at odds with His decisions plenty of
times - and I would direct that ire at Him openly and honestly as well. But then I also found myself able to admit when I was
wrong or got outplayed or whatever - to say that whatever I'd be concerned of, I know I couldn't do it better than Him!
And that's also - to my understanding - the basis of ... our ... well ... Alliance, we might say.
And ... it's not just a 'maybe'. No, I am utterly convinced and thoroughly embedded in the comfort of understanding that it is
so.
And I don't think that it is all that unique of a place to be. Though it sure sucks to be in this world sometimes - or at least
it did - let's hope we can leave that behind - I mean, let's make it suck less - or, it used to suck more - and there's stress
and terror and nonsense and ... people of certain persuasions ... and it all eventually boils down to an issue of who deserves
which respects.
In terms of Esoteric Reasoning - all of that stuff, the good and the bad - runs through God's mind. Thereby I don't have to make
a case for myself in order to be recognized. And maybe my advantage is simply that I didn't have much of a self to be selfish
about. And the more I learned about reality, the more that understanding got nourished. Just ... as a happenstance.
So yea - being the last one standing with room to spare ... is very much in line with having had an easier time than others.
And I must apologize in case ... I'm not respecting the respective differences enough. Though - and that is an important thing -
what worked for me - in principle - should also work for you. What worked for me was also being imperfect - to have God cut me
some slack.
But anyhow - so, does God also; "Counter to popular belief"; Think of doing well by us. Individually. In the context of a shared
world - mind you - as, in the esoteric sense, a fractured reality isn't desirable. And I think that's also source of contention.
I mean, we might wonder why God doesn't simply - shove us into different universes; Where we all could be happy without any of
that extended goodie-two-shoes "crap". And the story might be two-fold. One being that if we couldn't get along in a shared world,
we probably couldn't get along in a fractured world. And the other being that ultimately we're still going to live in a fractured
universe. Which means that the standards are in some sense more lax than some might thing, but therefore also ... a bit higher
on the tolerance side of things.
And by all means - I'm under the impression that I'm a bit of a special case in this situation. To bend things around me - every
human being would correspond to one way of solving reality - and respectively a position for me within the world. In that regard,
me being on top is simply incidental - of course. As, arguably, everything. And so would one be there to hold the banner of Light -
to come around to telling the world about stuff, for more to then arise - with a banner of Light of their own - and do the same.
Whoever, if not me, were there on top - me disagreeing with them wouldn't be special. We would be encouraged to disagree as we make
our own way towards and into and beyond Enlightenment. Effectively, we're all in the same situation when it comes to that. Trying
to do right by ourselves, by others, by life and by the universe. So or so. If that person on top then were to distance themselves
from a particular line of thinking - fundamentally speaking: That were a problem. That because it would probably lead to some kind
of serious divide. Well, disagreements are on a spectrum - and some we can live with just fine. And there is nothing about that
person on top, that makes it more or less valid; As to me the quesiton were what I think is right. If the story now were that they
are closest to God - my first concern regards that abstract blob of people that would side with them for that reason; While I
would also think ... of what side I'm on. Is it a silly dispute? Is there an argument that might change things? Are we still working
together or are we just being petty?
It's a horrible thing I realize ... I haven't properly thought about yet.
I mean, the perspective from "down here" is ... yea, it's different.
Either way, it were up to us collectively - but so also the person on top - to try and "fix this". And - in a simple way: That person
would help us centralize our understanding somewhat. Like some kind of anchor. And it would be ours to forward concerns to the top,
so that things that aren't fleshed out might be more fleshed out. Which, in this current climate, looks like - some people are gathering
in an "anti group" of sorts, to at first basically circumvent this "rise to the top" - and throw 'critique' against the state of things,
as opposed to working on it. That critique further is thrown around with a destructive ambition - to use the "incompleteness" of a
given thing as a weakness to try and fracture, obliterate, "destroy" it. Possibly in the hopes of ... taking the reign.
So - the Antichrist. A person with a given degree of power that would rise as some kind of schism factory. That as they'd so try to
assume power, with loads of people disagreeing with them along the way; And also the person seen as primarily responsible for this
hostility against any attempt at coming to a peaceful end. And all the time, they were like ... perfectly in the position to make
things right while maintaining the kind of power they had. At least - to the extent possible within what we thought to accomplish.
I mean - part of the ... "turntables" was then ... to my impressions ... God telling them to give me [something] ... they didn't
and so then ... shit got real. To imply that up until then, they were perfectly in the position to make things right.
So - uhm. I'm sorry. I ... hated writing about this kind of stuff - though at times I deemed it necessary. This time around I'm a bit
more at easy, and also confident, but ... yea ... it's still a bit of a stupid topic.
I mean, taking a very low perspective - I'm not sure what to make of this person on top. God? Goddess? Apostle? [shrugs]. Not really
understanding the context, and merely going off of impression ... it all seems somewhat odd and ... superficial ... and like ... petty
nonsense. But I think I understand enough, that a part of this is serious and seriously not their fault. And I can get that I can lean
into things - and have my piece of solace within this abstract blob - regardless of what I think of them.
But, the way I see it - she could use a bit of a make-over. I mean, she's obviously covered in some kind of weirdness - like, something
that looks like a mustache and honestly makes her look kind of ridiculous. But at this instance I also realize that this image is ...
not really ... the reality. But whatever makes it be the way it is - there's still room for improvement.
Anyway - God trying to do right by us, also entails me. And while I'm not big on 'trying to get involved' - there is this ... alternate
reality in which I'd just be some random person trying to figure out whether or not this 'prophet' is full of shit or actually legit.
But when it then comes to me individually - close and intimate and real to myself and God - I understand that when it comes to God's
givings - I find myself exalted into a position that would surprise me. One in which I now all of a sudden am that person on top,
yea ... "spoiler" ..., as someone whom things can revolve around for a bit.
And I can't agree with the idea that it is my job or duty or purpose to say "yes and amen" to in about everything that one might think
of. The "right and wrong" economy is still the same. Whether I be on top or not - the only difference is that 'the final instance' is
where things get real. While I maintain unity - people are incentivized to look for solutions. If I maintain disparity - I maintain
identity as per which side of a conflict I'm on.
And that is a bit of a trickle down economy. But also a trickle up economy. If I'm at odds with something, that doesn't have an immediate
effect on the individual. People would try to find parity - and the back and forth along the various lines that are drawn across
the social spectra will more or less develop individually also. Yet will things consolidate around certain focal points - and generally
that should work without me. Or that person on top.
So am I also less "that person on top" - than I simply am the most high profile human being in the context of the divine reality. And it
is because of that, that if someone had beef with me to the point where I'd beef back - that one were on the wrong side of a line.
Well ... sure can we here play that game of relativity - granting that I can be mistaken also. And so I can deal with people who are at
odds with me without ... like ... declaring holy war on them. Even so if holy war is declared against me. I can take that with a sigh.
But if time and time again I cannot fathom how I might agree with their side of the story ...
And it is at this point ... that we may find this pacifistic attitude employed by the divine somewhat annoying. Like, how long are we
to let ourselves get slapped left and right until we must accept that ... well. I guess one answer were: As long as it takes. But, for
what? A good answer here were, until we couldn't really move on anymore. And as I see it, there's still ... a lot of potential.
So, effectively it isn't 'me' that is of importance here. I merely ... represent. Mostly based on God vibes - which is why - I have
God vibes. That sure is to say that I'm more on the God side than I am on the human side - but, make no mistake, the God side is the
actual human side. Well, the one that tries to improve and do good and all that, as opposed to wallowing in misery and despair.
So, the story goes that some properties are common - and some are unique or individual. And while my only platform is to write -
I also can't really gesture - hence I'm stuck posing. Virtually. And because of what is given to me, a unique Light is shed onto me,
that should also put my words into a unique ... uh ... yea ... position. Given and taken.
And in that regard, I have to apologize ... for bothering you with this incredibly stupid topic - but for what it's worth, I hope
what I've written helps clarify a few things.
I mean, I'm sorry if my ego trip takes us down some stupid places. I try to be dismissive of those, but then again I find myself
being plagued by ... a sense of incoherence to my narrative. And in as much as I've been doing good by you while doubling down on this -
I at least don't feel entirely stupid while doing so.
So, it can't be helped ... maybe. Maybe though ... some parts are really just silly.
Like ... some mistakes ... are more serious than others. Sometimes a thing can be put well - but also incredibly unwell. And it is the
latter ... that tends to cause trouble. But ... sometimes the respective problems are also inevitable. There so are ... I'd say ...
these fault-lines between certain social and cultural places, as between existing tensions and such. And so it sometimes makes sense
to be extra thorough.
So is there now a take on these things that speaks to the individual and against an overly mystified take on me. Like so is there
nothing "magical" about what follows the reality of who I am. One part of this would still be so, regardless of who would be in
my position. Another part of this is bolted to who we are, in actuality, as individuals - and we'd have to be who we aren't for that
to ... work out as "regardless of who is who". Uh ... or how to put it.
Like so can you disagree with me as an individual - or with me as based on what God made me be. One of them is less problematic than
the other. So, although you'd be encouraged to disagree with me in a polite manner, I ... still hope I ... "didn't raise a bunch of
"yes people""!
And this is as much as I can bear of this for now.