There are ... a lot of things ... I feel ... that I could write about, concerning this topic, without
ever getting to it. And in part that may be because there isn't really a ... point to do so.
Logic is a deception, if the terms we use are inadequate.
And since the meta of society is grounded in its principles - there is ... uhm ... a certain battle over
the meaning of terms. And that maybe more so because we - or people - at times have a need to be deceptive.
Sure is there this "evil genius (twirls mustache)"~esque deception, but ... clothing (unless by poverty you
aren't afforded much of a choice - I'd say) already is a form of it. Gestures, expressions ... . Though to
say that all these are deception is maybe a bit one-sided. More to the point would I say that there's a
"meta language" or 'slang' - where wearing a certain kind of bling is like saying: "I'm more awesome than
you" or - ... well, I find it difficult to wrap it into words.
What I was trying to get at is, that rage ... is one thing. Avoiding rage is another. So are we talking of
two separate things that are here only connected by an implied conflict. But yet there is something in-between.
The avoidance of rage - in a sense - but more so in terms of the relationship with it; Rather than the state
of having none. And like so, the matter all of a sudden is more complicated.
So, I've been playing Street Fighter for a bit, and you might be curious about how my skill is doing. And
today I was reminded of something I meant to write about once, but I think I didn't really have an opportunity.
Now, first of all the situation is similar to that with Elden Ring, however - because ... I had a more concrete
idea of how to "phrase" it - the effect has been more concrete also. This went on for a while - until, though
the point may be chosen somewhat arbitrarily, I couldn't even get a special cancel from a normal down right
anymore. We might say that some fatigue set in - and clearly, since then I haven't come to apply much of what
I had practiced - and am therefore gravitating towards a 'normal' by my standards ... . So, the same as with
Elden Ring, just ... spread over a longer period of time, sortof. And ... somehow I'm still going - or doing
alright - as I've pretty much hit Gold recently.
There are a variety of reasons why that would be. One being the classic one - which is that the games mental
demand is at odds with ... my normal. A bit. I figure there should be a way though, but that is then where
commitments matter and I'm not entirely ... free in that regard. And now that I think of it ... that ... drop
off does co-incide with ... oh yea, I was watching "the Griffin" on Amazon Prime. ;) - and while doing so
maybe overloading my "things to get better at" availabilities. I mean, understanding the Key should have a bit
of a priority. So, there is that.
Ontop of that however is 'the Mastery Curve'.
The story is, that "most would draw the Mastery Curve (the expected yield in proficiency relative to time spent
training)" as a smooth curve - steady, though that it is more of an up - hitting a peak - then it dips down a
little and hits a plateau ... and then after a while it goes up again, hits a peak, dips a little and hits
another plateau.
Related to it are ... I think I wrote of that before ... what we might call (I didn't call it that way)
"companion skills". So, the first thought might be, that technically it should be possible to "cheat" the
Mastery Curve. Maybe minimizing the time spent on the plateaus. Like so we might conceive of drill camps or
boot camps or whatever the heck camps and courses and stuff. And maybe with a team of analysts I might figure
out my weaknesses and focus on those. So are some skills composed of a variety of skills - and while I might
plateau on one, I might peak on another; And thus get better at a higher rate. But ... that is noticably
more difficult if one cannot afford that degree of dedication to a matter.
So can I identify the wall I was hitting. Thereby, my mind is tired right now ... practicing the skill of
internalizing the relationship between input and output. I mean, I suppose ... everyone pretty much agrees that
Chun-Li is one of, if not the most technical/execution-heavy character(s) in the game right now. That means, to
me, for once, that practicing Drive Rush cancel is first of all gated behind a somewhat complicated string of
inputs. And the inputs alone won't help as their in-game application is contextual. The same goes for implementing
"Serenity Stream" into the combos. That is, Chun has a stance she does on a quarter circle backward+punch input,
and from that stance each "button" (3 punches and 3 kicks) leads to a different attack. These can be used as
normal moves - practically - but rather than just pressing kick1-kick2 for instance, one has to special cancel
kick1 into QCB+P first - and then press kick - within in about the same timeframe as otherwise just pressing
kick2. And right now my mind is just ... like ... full, dealing with her ... "normal" move set, as it were.
So, what I have to do is clear to me - practice simple combos that involve Serenity Stream - like Down-Punch,
Serenity Stream Light Kick, Kikoken. That however doesn't fit into how I play Chun at this moment in time - and
that no means that either I'm stuck - or I'm stuck. Either way ... it's as if ... I hit a plateau of sorts; Unless
I've fallen off the cliff, as it were.
Meanwhile there is Juri. As I've read - there is a bit of an agreement, that she's effectively a better version
of Chun-Li. She has better ... everything ... for way less effort. So my experience confirms, as often it feels
as though any offense I have, is essentially stubbed by basically anything Juri can more or less consciously
throw out. Maybe because I was doing something wrong which then got negatively re-enforced by other mistakes -
so as it stands I believe that the Tensho Kicks lose against Juri's dive kick. And because I generally suck at
reacting ... I also suck at anti-airs ... which in combination with 'this' series of unfortunate events means
... that I don't even think to try.
So - the Mastery Curve makes sense to me. I might practice one aspect, get better at it and then end up better
in the game despite a hiatus of sorts. Like so - meditating upon the intrinsic base mechanics of Guile, way back
around the time I was playing Street Fighter 4, did make me better at that game than I otherwise would have been;
And I didn't even play the game at the time. So do I also take a certain degree of experience and proficiency into
this one - though maybe I learned to understand more about the game this time around than I did in the years
prior. At any rate - there is yet an aspect to wedding the different skills together - so-to-speak, as into this
new iteration of it.
Part of that is to unlearn the "medium standing punch-medium crouching kick" combo - for instance; And I've also
noticed me 'learning' Bullshit like the 'crouching light kick/standing light punch - crouching medium kick' combo,
because I realized - subconsciously - that the crouching medium kick has further range than the crouching light
attacks - but also the crouching medium kick doesn't link (combo) from the light attacks - so ... that is my mind
trying to play efficiently, but forgetting a crucial aspect of doing so.
And so, trying to cheat out the Mastery Curve does more and more seem like a phantasm to me. Though, sure,
technically, with enough time and dedication and perhaps help ... naturally ... progress could be achieved
quicker. But ... still ... some things just take time.
So, what all this has to do with rage - is probably what all the things I could write about, without ever getting
to the point, have in common: Stress. Stressors can come in a variety of forms - but stress itself is probably
too broad of a topic to cover it properly here.
Most noticably for me here - does Stress occur once we face a challenge we, for various reasons, aren't equipped
to handle. More specifically am I thinking of a lack of knowledge. Say you hit a plateau - but by dopamine hits and
number go up you've been conditioned to expect Ws intead of Ls. So you get angry. Or you played against a lot of
low tier Manons and Marisas - and then you run into a decently skilled Juri. Or whatever your Nemesis matchup might
be. So you're effectively outgunned - but rather than judging that based on the real conditions that actually
matter - you judge it based on how easy it was to score against easy targets. Which then means that an already,
sure, unfair situation is read as even more unfair. And while being angry, you'd further fail to realize the
underlying issue. An even more straightforward example: Starting off I had a somewhat easy time dealing with Manon -
and thereby got into a habit of trying to rush her down. Eventually I ranked up a bunch - and at first didn't realize
that I started to lose more to her than I won. Until I got matched up against her somewhat frequently; And subsequently
ranked down a bunch. Eventually then I figured that trying to rush her down was ... a losing strategy. Maybe even
more so because that habit would re-enforce my flawed habits - but at the very least because the better Manons would
understand to use her defensive options better.
As for me - at large - one of the things that stress me, is, that the solution to my problems is more often than
not hidden behind such lengthy and convoluted issues. It's basically a stress induced by an internal monologue
within which I'm effectively taunted to answer what might be loaded questions - while I personally am not satisfied
with (too) simple answers.
Though at the end of the day things might boil down to simple answers, perhaps even well known wisdoms, I still
somehow need it for my own internal stability.
And meanwhile there's also real life ... that ... wants to be handled somehow.
But so is rage, in my opinion, first of all an involuntary reaction. It - perhaps naturally - stems from internal
tensions, I'd say, due to which people can so "enter the zone" as one might call it. So, to do a thing, like,
say, punch a bag, we employ what we might call skill. Know How. Muscle Memory. After a while of practice, it is
a simple matter of activating a "habit" to do the punch - and the more willpower we put into it, the stronger it
comes out. Basically. And what might be overlooked: The more we practiced it - the better we can control that
strength. To do so corresponds to "being in the zone" - or "being in control" - while rage is more about
circumventing the 'skill' aspect of it in favor of getting more out of the willpower aspect of it.
A working metaphor in my opinion would be that rage is like fire - you can use it to fuel your engine, but you
must be cautious not to melt your furnaces.
And I think with that, I can call it quits for now.