Why I am a Sensual Whore
First up - a question: What is beauty? What is like? Think about it thought about it - done!
Secondly, naturally there is a line between too much and enough of a kind. It doesn't speak of how deeply one might immerse or how extensively enjoy - it would be part of the beauty of a thing - which is good once within the lines. Anything that extends beyond it ... well, it depends! For as long as it stays within!
I'd say - first of all I'd see to become a pussy and then take whatever I get. That is a plan, that is a mindset - and realism doesn't count there. There is a minimum (which is nothing) and no end while reality itself doesn't hold up to a reasonable minimum (which were something). So we dream - or I do - and surely am yet not the only one.
Dreams however can be dangerous. Once we for instance start to reason within terms of money - where we see and say that we might and could if we had ... - then ... well then ... there is that problem: How to get it? That were a plan - while the same in similarity to the issues of Sex, well, isn't all that well either; Although - there is a line as well. So, there is a positive end to it but its not the side I'm standing on. Here I'm clearly passive - thats what I'm turned on about - and thus I'll need a Mistress that loves to Humiliate me. That we might compare to the money side as well - and here - I'd be on the passive side if it wouldn't suck so hard to be alone, or, not alone but still not having something (which is also bound to criteria ...). But so I'll dream and the more I dream the more I want it, something. Although my passions might be risiing high, beyond the boundaries that declare realistic from unreal, its at least something within the right lines that would already do. There is humbleness, we might add, taking it the way it comes.
But what do I say there?
Here's my issue: What would I expect to come and what would you think I expect to come? Expectation itself isn't the issue, but while my fantasy is within the extremes my primary concern must be: Where is enough? Could I take "Whatever comes?" - or would "whatever comes" on the end be more an issue of finding myself unwanted - more or less?
I have a Kink I want to tell you about here - and I know that this Kink is not a one sided thing. I'm into dirty - and leaving feces and that kind of stuff away, I mean dirty. Dirty like old, fat perverted men. They know how to handle this bitch I am! They'll just take it! I've been there, and I much more prefer them than anyone trying to be polite - although - there are ways!
Trying not to overcomplicate it - how exactly I fare there isn't an issue! Fact is that I don't want to leave it at that. That is where the boundary is, the logical one. I want more, things that somehow extend beyond a given normality. But so the other, there would be an end somewhere. And so from the harsh and abstract of the Kink there would need to be something - something to turn the monotony of the samey into something that may rise up again - in its due time. Harmony that we might here regard as Sensual.
But there goes another problem: This Kink of mine implies that I'm just taken, it requires a certain odd factor - somehow at least - and that attitude determines myself as through which I say I'm in need of being raped - which is what makes me a whore. But while the Whore is just the tip of the iceberg, I take it as an ideal. I take it as something that is cool to be while labelling myself as something lesser. This is how my strivant aspirations urge me to be a good Whore, and my Mistress is in charge of telling me what I'll need to do to be that.
There is a depth and somewhere in that depth there is a bottom, that line, the bottom line. My Mistress would be on the active side - while her line on me would at first be determined by me. In case I'm truly ill, menthally, the line I'd draw would be inappropriate. But yet is it not only my responsible to draw it! As I have to find the lines - everyone else has to.
At first that to me is irrelevant as the bare minimum would be that I become a pussy. It is something I would put on her to drive me into, but if she declined, I'd yet be looking forward to it on my own. The problem just were that I'd be that without a base or foundation. Asking her for permission would sound fair in the cliche sub-ordinate to "owner" relationship - but is again - not OK for me! Its a stupid thing eventually for what would matter is the result - what however does matter as of me between her and me is her support. Whether she says "yes" reluctantly were different to her actively supporting it. There is my wish - and one might wonder if I got what it takes to live that way. She would need to take responsibility of - as my owner - to support it, to see it through as to see me following along. Thus it is a sensitive thing. She would need to Love to be doing so! Thats a criteria.
But all of that is only fantasy. It is however then yet simply the adequate presentation of what corresponds to me. So we might speak of a Vacuum, a logical one. Either the Mistress were missing or the Opportunity to become a Whore. What to fill it with, then? What to prioritize at all? Would I rather be a whore on my own or enjoy the Love of a Mistress? I've been at the first already and yet prolonged for a Mistress more than for being a Whore! Quite naturally for essentially the one is built on the other. So she'll need a craving as well, a certain craving to own me, to possess me - a craving that is the roof on top of that building that is to shape me to my self. Not a building of people like a society, but a building within her Kink.
So is my Kink much more to serve her than to serve any type of men. I'd be ambitious to take more and more - but that - that may as well be too far ahead. Between that and the foundation of what has to be within the realistic is that Vacuum. While I am not emotionally dependent on that person for my living, I am for that enjoyment. How my life fares without it is another part of the story - but none that would matter to me here.
Dependency or simply joy of company - it is all in some way about Love. Love is what finds the Lines where Lust would otherwise - so without it - break the rules of what is good or evil and thereby escape what is legally awesome. But well, Love however. Love, Harmony ... Sensuality.
Its simply a way of playing - we might say. As we might have an agreement on the term that "pragmatic" is when I have Sex with her and so she with me - within that Sensuality we don't need it yet to enjoy ourselves. As I can enjoy without it, she can. That isn't humble though! It is a part of it! It is as essential as moving the figures in a chess game. She'd follow her craving and I'd enjoy whatever it is she "Lusts" for.
Lust, Sensuality - that is in about the same here. Or Love.
Lust as something different however is like a narcotic. While feces and stuff like that would normally turn everybody off, Lust can negate that awkwardity and so the raw idea of the Kink can once more be put into the foreground. Its as simple as being a Whore. Once the customer has payed and the door is closed - the reality that is is an entirely different than the one outside of that door.
So I'd want to lock myself into that submissive position - but that shouldn't be as easy as doing something self-humiliating in order to confirm that I'd want it. It shouldn't be in my power either to say that. It should be in hers to make me do whatever she wants me to. But how to get that straight? Naturally at first she'd have to realize that it is her craving that determines the rules for me. The more she does the more I can trust that she'll make me do whatever she wants even though I resisted. If I wouldn't want something I'd tell her, begging her, like a Slave should once it gets to that - whether it is being heeded or not. So she can align. Am I serious? How to find out? We're after all humans and capable of communication.
In that regard there are times like this and times like that, times where she or me or both of us have better things to do; Or simply no desire to do any of that. And that of course must suffice to close the loop!
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