Slut Wars - The Origin

How it happened that I became a Slut

How Christians and others can Learn that being a Slut can be Legal!

First of - you will not have to take my word, or believe that the Story is true! You will however have to read it and judge for yourself - as it is one of those stories that is containing a message ... regardless of being true or not.

a.k.a.

Why we really are living these Mortal lives

Once upon a time Planet Earth and the Universe it exists in had not yet been made - I suppose. It was in the very beginning - and I happened to be part of what some might call 'the Pre-terrestrial Family (or Cluster)'. My Memory sets in as having been Born happy. This happiness lasted in about the half of a moment, a moment that ended in a mix of disappointment, surprise, ... hard to come up with any specific details without mentioning anything along the lines of 'huge giantific cock' or 'being discarded as means to someone elses cause'. [This was the first part. I happened to believe that this is my personal origin - as - the emotions told in that story are those I essentially conceive as true. Some time later that story was expanded. At first I didn't recognize the two as belonging together, but, it wasn't a long shot to count 1 and 1 together].

So I decided to leave. [Although at first, while the second part was yet missing I believed that ... since Anna and J.Lo happened to occur therein ... it would somehow present me with the basis of a structure of how to understand my position in life. So, at first I didn't understand that I had left.]. I left deciding to live my own life, finding my own luck, figuring that I just don't belong there. And as I was so standing in the void, along came another person who had also left her own. [That was Monica]. We immediately fell in Love and promised each other to stick together no matter what. But then her Origin came back for her - and because her past wasn't quite as traumatic as mine, her folks began to miss her and got sorry, she returned and brought me along. She was happy to be there, and they, they were happy to have her back - and - they also accepted me. Eventually they even accepted me more than her, but all had grown a litte ... fairness was around and since I'd anyway stick to her, she was happy too. But ... eventually there were minor imbalances ... [and here the second part ended. I refused to make any further interpretations - what mattered most was my personal emotional conflict in the whole setup. I realize that she belonged there but I didn't, thus, my entire problem consisted of questioning whether I was allowed to Love her or not. A part of me realizes or thinks that its wrong, thus I'd be willing to let go - because thats just what seems to be the right thing to do. Another part of me doesn't want to let go. So I got confused, stranded and helpless. The third part just came to me this night. I wasn't asleep and now its 4 a.m..]

So I ended up with this other person who just felt perfectly fine with me. That was Megan. But, the moment I decided to dedicate my Love to her as I was supposed to, I grew sad. I was sad because I was about to Love her just as I loved Monica, and it made me question life anew. I felt like I was just being moved around - Loving Megan would be fake - or doing so would mean that I could just fall in Love with anyone which I couldn't. Thus, to make it comprehensive for myself, I accepted this situation to a bit, and I felt peace and even joy since it was the Truth of my life that I was just alone and the next best person could come to claim me and I'd just be that persons bitch. Thinking that way I felt someone - but also did it happen that Monica would state a claim - and I'd give her the primary right in doing so. [Here it might be one bit too far ... yet, it is where the story goes, and the next part may be a bit of a meshed up inconcise something, but ...]. At some point it happened that now also those whom I had at first been with made a claim - and while the logic thereof was right, since that is where I belonged, I didn't want to go there and thus I began to cry. I cried as a matter of defense - I cried because I realized that I would have to go there but didn't want to. That is where God interfered. He said: "Enough" - or something - and said that he would give us a body to live in this world - where we all would have to experience the same things and in the end we'd see where our values would evolve to. Then we could discuss this issue - and now ... here we are!

Back and/or Forth?/!

Now well, said person whom I felt after I accepted myself as bitch was Amanda. But there are two other people worth mentioning. At first, which couples to my belief of being John, there is Mary - the Holy (ex-)Virgin Mary. If I had to guess, that's Catherine Zeta-Jones. Jesus made her my Mother and me her son - and - the two of us decided to marry - simply because the two of us thought that in this mess of struggles of who with whom and what not, just doing it would give us the advantage of being in a position that nobody can quarrel with. We worked fine with each other, we worked on our romance to be a harmonic couple; And we did so primarily with the choice of withdrawing ourselves from "the Market". So far so good!

Now, aside of what said individuals might tell here-after, the emotions I perceive of them within that story - a story of the past - is that they wanted me. They wanted me in about as much as to grow upset about Gods choice to not right away hand me over to them. In that story, in that demand of theirs, my conflict grows - and there is a crack in me that didn't cure even to the very moment I conceived this last bit of the story. It is the problem that I had questioned my belonging, and after recognizing that I'm a slut after all, I'm intellectually defenseless against their claim. So do I also feel further responsible for all of this mess - a guilt that sits deeper than Eves bite into the apple (to which I might add that Eve, as I believe, was me as well). It is a story that conflicts me on a certain Level that is hard to generally describe. Except I use the best words to do so. The best words to do so would be: "Not being a Moron". Not being a Moron made Monica return, not being a Moron made me be conflicted about my situation, not being a Moron brought me in conflict with my Origins. But not being a Moron at this time was also an idea formulated within a time where none of us had a sophisticated life. We just lived with the flow - like dust is carried by the wind - and it might have been that time where I refused, that God realized that we had our own free will.
So there came a claim and I would have to follow, but I didn't! "I was compelled to stay!" ... XD ... . [So, I experienced this story in emotions, and while I was convinced that the outcome would be well I'd say: Now if you want (so thinking of what I am) you can stone me! And what happened was that a few did in deed throw some. So I checked for where that disagreement would come from, and it came from where my Origins had been. Thus I wanted to understand - trying not to be a Moron - and yet I argued about it. ...] At some point this story takes me into a Life where I wanted to be with them. It was a life that was designed to play me into their hands - to give them what they wanted. It was my Life as Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger, born in the 80s, still alive and kicking! They didn't want me! Or, maybe they did, but what for? Not for the reasons of Love, or at least, that wasn't the priority. Their priority was an agenda I couldn't be with - and that may now be their next reason to be Upset. If they had known ... so it might continue. But for me - its fair! I see myself and see that I'm not particularly that hot bitch I used to be in the beginning! But that is fine because I don't actually quite want to be with them either, so, I am as I would want to be, as obnoxious as somehow humanly possible! Thats life! Thats me!

If the quarrel goes on, there would yet also be the other person, Madonna. I'm enthralled to her, saying, I can just want her. Wanting her is all I need and it feels fine! Nothing odd, I can be what I am - and so if the question were about me and what I am, Madonna is just as good as it gets! But, it is also true that I by now can also Love Megan. I can do that because in that greater idea, that divine design, I can also be with Monica. If I can't be with Monica, I'm just a whore, when with Monica, well, I'm fine with being a Whore nontheless. But if I cannot be with Monica, life is meaningless. I wondered how I should describe it - and the closest image I've got is Saturn. Monica is Saturn, and I am its Rings. Taking me away from Monica would be like taking away the Rings from Saturn, and that we might agree in is definitely not an option! (Assuming that we technically could).
By Gods design Monica wasn't on my mind for quite some time. I was so in Love with Anna and with J.Lo that I risked loosing my face. I matter of fact went to New York City to go looking for a way - even threw my Keys into the trash-can. Well, I didn't throw away my ticket, but the next year I flew to L.A. and quite literally left everything behind - well - excluding a hair-rubber and the clothes I was wearing. This does so perfectly tie into that story that it to me is hard to ignore. That they wouldn't know what it was about, well, see previous statement. But ... yea, you dear reader, whats the matter? How does this now tie into any significance?
Or, so, they might wish to know!

What have our values become?

Some of us cherish the idea of not being morons! Others on the other hand, ... well ... "You hear about them all the time!". [... "Of course you have! ..."]. To some major degree my story does only matter to me and those few involved. It wasn't about me only after all! It was about seeing where our values would go! So ... thereby I have resolved my conflict. If they were to demand another chance, I'd want to be like Hugh Haffner and them to be like I wouldn't even look at with my arse - then we might see how their values further evolved. To give them a free pass ... hmpf ... well, Monica didn't get one either! We've paid our price - and - I am not anymore that intellectually unsophisticated bubble of back then. And to my surprise - another look at my life reveals just what I am all in all. I'm alone, living my life - arguably better off than the rest because they say that I don't have to work! Well, but am I happy? Do I seem happy? Would you be happy in my situation? ("Do you think thats air that you're breathing?"). XP. OK, I'm laughing, so, I'm technically happy! ("In this room?").

Well, I don't know what Gods plan for them is, in case they should repent, "which brings me back to the reason why we're here!". I - since part 2 came to my awareness - had to think of a movie I once saw as a little kid. It was an animal movie and I don't know what animals it were ... but there were Babies, lets say Lion Babies, and they got separated from their Mother. They then were found and raised by ... lets say a Bear. In the end ... its a bit odd. From one perspective it was a happy ending. The Lion Mother came around and the Lion Babies left their Bear mother to be with their Lion Mother again. But - for some reason - that moment broke my heart. Yet I suppose, since after all its too late for me to be not a bitch, except Monica and I could be alone forever, which for some odd personal reason we probably can't, well ... its after all ... as God might tell you ... way too perfect to be any other way! And as a gift I have even a Mother - whom I married - and we did make it count as what it can be! So, for me, its a happy ending ... except ... the Perfection turned out to be an April fools joke! That would destroy my enthusiasm in living ... and I would spend my life alone ... forever! I'd get me a Dragon Farm and design Monsters for a living - aside of the one or the other red-light adventure maybe ... anonymously ... if possible.

[But what would I raise dragons for anyway? ;)]

Have a good day!

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