The Anti-Fake
Well, isn't it so that people would think after all that my "Satanic Submission" is in deed the product of the Antichrists doing? Well - it is bad for me to get into things with a prejudistic mind - so I'll think - and would have to assume that I voluntarily gave up to be his bitch. I'd say nay, while other things still around would suffice to tell the opposite. So those things, they are just things then put into a specific context to say that. So I'll right away admit: While I was adrift in my mind I was looking for a point that made me feel 'clean'; As I was stumbling upon something there, and I realized that I did feel 'clean' as I was shifting the idea of my submission unto him. It may have been a glitch, the one way or the other, while what remains true about it is that it seems to be inevitable that at some point I'm destined to become his Property - all of the Slut I am; With of course the exceptions that aren't to be removed!
I don't like it - not one little bit - to belong to him, but I like to be an obedient Sex-Toy. It is however this emotion - this Kink of falling into submission to what I ideologically resent - that drove me into this kind of Satanism, but around that time it was only about Satan in strict separation from Antichristendom. If it so one day happened to be that the Antichrist is no longer the Antichrist - thus complying to the sacred needs - there is no reason why I couldn't. On that flipnote however it did occur that while I was adrift with Satan, his (the Antichrists) face would show up - possibly not understanding that he did literally turn me off - turning the emotion off as well. It so did at times come to the situation that I was feeling fine while so experiencing my fantasy, and he would appear somehow and mix with the image I was onto. It has been a thing by some point that I should just ignore him and continue my way while thinking of what I did and he would eventually disappear. In that sense - well - he might think whatever he wants to, -it- didn't happen!
A very similar scenario, that would be the prequel, already occurs sometimes when I did Worship the Lord before this Satanic stuff occured, and, so the line of the prayer: "And lead us not into Temptation" is to me quite literally a pragmatic request that when trusted withdraws us from being (emotionally) tempted via misconditions like that!
So, an image to end this would be the fake-horn the witch puts onto the Unicorn in the movie 'the Last Unicorn'. What seemed to be fake has ever been real, just the fake that has been seen as real was not!
Stardate 55290.45359
Well, by the way I'm arguing I seem to be the perfect prey/Victim for the Antichrist. I say things like: "I am however bound to say" (so, lacking an empirical basis other than my own "mood") - but, I am however bound to say that there is a twist to it, which is, that I am not! There is a "Legacy", a foundation of reason and empirical experiences that may now - once just cutting in right here for instance - seem all in the same; Which is though the reason why I have to repeatedly pound on the issue that 'at first' one must find God ... and that 'finding God' isn't just like: "OK, found him, now what?". If you're Unenlightened your finding Him is at best a guess! As general rule of the thumb!
I'm not writing this to re-iterate on my empiric basis, but, since I've started on one I can be sure that I can find back to it; Thats what I'm writing this for - or for that matter - what is purposefully done within each writing that starts on an issue like that. Of course the 'odd-sayers' would jump right back in and ignore that I ever had one, thus ignoring all that I say, write and tell about it - which is why I repeatedly come back to the topic of the Testimony. Be it with what they say as it may - right is in the end where God is pointing His fingers onto! So I tell you that for your own sake! If you listened to them and came to believe them, fine! But while it is an issue carried 'Outside of the Church', nobody within is ever going to benefit of their great Wisdom! Which isn't to say that their Wisdom is Great! It is to say that they are trying to Lure you away! I'm saying that if you believed them, then you - if you were to follow them - are in one line with everyone else who just follows a belief that seems right to them without being sure that its Gods way!
So of course they try to make it sound as though 'reason' would indicate if it ever could be Gods way, which isn't wrong just so you know, BUT, in the end, how to be sure that their reason isn't wrong? If they just pick out something that does ignore a very fundamental part of what I say about God, then how is that accurately reasoning? And if you think that what I wrote about God that is so fundamental is hidden somewhere deep inside, well, TESTIMONY! Closes the loop!
Well, shocking that you might actually have to do something! So, to get it clear: What I wrote about Marriage for instance - as I might as well miss out on one or the other point here or there - that can be taken either way: Either that the logic one might derive therefrom individually is to be prioritized before the Testimony, Baptism and what follows, or the way around. Then one might come to wonder: "If there-after is making me abandon what I have now, do I want that?". So, that is blatantly equal to me asking myself: "Well, if I can be raped all the time and enjoy that, would I want anything else although God would advise me against it?".
Now and here is one point: Where at first you got Hyped into thinking that maybe you'll find the Truth here, you are more and more put off the more I speak the Truth! It is within what I wrote about Words and the Antichrist gots power upon their worth. He would first of all not want you to follow the Testimony - spoiler - so, pray tell me, what was so wrong? Your mind might go "Uhum!" - agreeing with everything I wrote while your heart will afterwards lead you astray. Now, do you know what that New Covenant is that Jeremiah 33 speaks of that would enable you to legally claim that this is due to Him having written His Law into Your heart? And if you think you know, tell me prey, how?
You have to put Your Heart on God! Try it and you will find why!
Or to let it be told along the lines of my own reasoning: Lets say J.Lo poked on the idea that I would belong to her - in whatever way of the definition; While I would say something entirely different, whom are you going to listen to? She might pick out a sentence here or there that would underline her claim, while I might underline statements like this one here: I am not!. But she would undermine my reasoning to yet say that I'm glitched out or something. Well, yea, fools joker! So, lets skip this forward and say you all agreed with her and you would come to me to get me hooked up to her and I would simply not want to! But well, that can't be - so - I have to stop jerking around?!
So you are right away into J.Los Church then, forget about me, leave me alone! But how can that be? I am the One! So ... I'm going to say that I might recognize a pattern herein! Another word might be 'enthrallment', just that this isn't sexual! Stockholm maybe.
Hell Knight Ingrid
A sentence that should after all echoe in your mind - as one of the 'catchphrases' I'm using - is: "There are no Slaves in Heaven!". It might therefore be difficult to write it below this headline - but bear with me. At first, this has nothing to do with Hell Knight Ingrid! It would more-over be known as the 'Milk Issue', but still, at first, it deals with my Kink.
A few days back I was writing about 'giving up on Gaming' being a Kink. What happened there-after was that all of my Kink went dead. So, a quint-essential conclusion thereof would be, in reference to my empirical foundation, (which they in their upmost Wisdom however would sincerely fail to recognize), that God doesn't like it! ...
...
[Without Words]
...
[lets continue anyway]
Its like the easiest of all failsafes ever! I'm into something, but now those that I would be hooked up with - who would further be those that would postitively relate to my Kink (doing that stuff), can't entertain that! There is nothing as easy as to say: God doesn't want that! While others make elonguated discussions about how my Kink now contradicts and bla bla bla ... there are two great quint-essential factors in place: The one moment it worked out, the other moment it didn't! Now, what caused that change? [Dam dam daaaaaaaam! - [Godzilla Roar]].
I might call something about the whole scenario facepalm worthy, but there is no object hard enough to make that happen!
Laniakea ... well ... its a thing, while actually I looked at Maps and figured that Laniakea is smaller - but anyway. To some degree the knowledge maps into mind - and so - lets give a crap! Get it off of your mind that it means anything. There are certain things where it is a factor - but my intellect is not! I didn't take Einstein to figure that out! Some might call it belief, others call it Gnosis or Knowledge - that when the faith in God is founded rock-hard, then safe is safe! Safe like the Kink! Or, to make it some more feasible, first God, then Kink! If not Kink, then still God. If failure to comply, cataclysmic System Crash!
If not make sense ... forget about it! Go Home!
The 'glitch' Joker here isn't a 'Glitch Joker', but a valid explenation once digging a bit deeper! Another explenation can be found in the matter of my self-acceptance. While it actually doens't matter, the initial acknowledgement is another 'catastrophy' like that. One might think that it does now become really difficult for me to discard it from my mind that in the end my Kink might only take me to him. See previous J.Lo issue though. But so is the point that if I would be brainwashed enough ... and that is the guiding thread to this ... I might fall for that simply due to being ... too much into that. That sounds like an issue ... but well, Oh wonder what did I or do I tell over and over again? But - well - why listen to me anyway?
It is however further expanded to get away from that "God Excuse" thing - like - as though we were excusing our reason by saying "God said so". That is however an entirely different thing! To freely translate it so: "Blessed are the stupid!" (Cermon of the Mount). Is that really said to make us throw all goodness that comes from having a living God over board? To get lost in nonsensical mind-bending reasoning and argumentation that simply fails to recognize the most obvious?
So, at this point - in time - for the future - my stance is changing. So, while for the past my stance was clearly into Kink, I'm now moving towards Love. I have extensively written about the Kink - while at this point it doesn't make sense to draw any further conclusions in terms to what would, should or whatever happen in regards to my mates. What matters is that I have a mate to begin with - so the point - and there - it is now extremely important for me to get Love. That is my mood - or as it so goes: "I am bound to say that ...".
What happened finally is that I yet continued to stress the extremes of my Kink - which means that I'm receiving emotions, masturbate, and that is my Sex-Life. That is the physical background - while - the emotional adds the actual value to it. So, in that sense, I did once more get raped. I have been through many times of too much, technically, which was part of the Kink. However, at some point, and that became clear today, there is an end to it.
So, Hell Knight Ingrid - its a movie, or four episodes - that never really turned me on. Or so, I actually didn't get past Episode 1 until recently. Thereby, I didn't get hooked - the movie was just not interesting so ... the bits and pieces I saw while doing something else, well, they allowed me to recognize whats happening and it didn't get me engaged. The only exception is the Ingrid scene of Episode 4. Thereto, I possibly should have introduced a few concepts earlier up, but, lets continue anyway. That scene in Episode 4, no need to watch it, works fine with me. So, lets ... take care of those missing concepts first though.
There are no Slaves in Heaven. That mingles - or should so now - with the entire "confusion" around me and gaming. It seems to be a solid (why it 'seems' and not 'stands evitable as' is a form issue - if you're going to hang yourself up on that - fine! But notice: You might get yourself over-invested into something rather trivial!) stance that a human individual needs ideals. Or, simply has. Now back for more Ingrid.
Or, at first, the Valkyries. The difference between Ingrid and the Valkyries - so in the plot of the movie - is that the Valkyries, like in any other good plotted Hentai, are fucked "into their own senseless being". So, they are fucked until they so fall - which is in some of the films underlined by the Valkyrie turning into a dark Valkyrie. It is to say: Their own decision. Thats a bit harsh - but - more to the point did they follow along and the entire scene is set up so that its ... well ... correspondent to them. That is to be understood as equal to the viewer/ess who has a correspondent Kink. The difference to "The Fall of Ingrid" is that Ingrid didn't fall. She had a Brain implanted into her that would allow her to get mind-controlled. It seems like trivial at first - but so - the basic and quint-essential point of those movies are, in this sense, their (Ingrid and her Partner) death wishes. They don't go like "Oh yea, I want to be f... Hard" and all that, they go like: "Kill me!". That meets up with the previous point of saying: At some point there is an end to it. So, picturing one of them saying "Kill me", can be understood that for the individual to be happy - that individual might be sitting in heaven at home playing a Video Game. Now to Quote one of my favourite LPers (H.C. Bailey): "Happy Music!".
Two things now: The two still "yelling" things like: "Oh, that c... is ... [this and that]" - and - what about the Episode 4 scene? Well, at first, that 'ah' of enjoyment doesn't just go away. It was so once upon a time that I wondered if it is possible to enjoy being raped all the time - and the answer was Yes. What I came to experience today was the part that "would be" odd about it. There are two personal strains of reason I followed prior to that. A) In prospect of Monica for instance slapping a contract onto my Desk I would have the option: Either I ask God if He wanted me to sign it, or I would think to be smart and wonder if I would want to sign it if I knew what was written therein. B) While I was in the mood of wishing for the most extreme possible I wondered whether I could trust God in saying that being raped all the time is bad, or if I should be as smart as to ask whether it be possible to enjoy it. So, whatever I was thinking - not saying where I was peeping at - it got clear to me that trusting God would be the better choice! Its like one of those failsafes, eventually, rather than a personal intellectual achievement! I would have to consciously decide against Gods bestest wishes - so the accumulated 'Warning' - thus my stand was clear, but yet I wondered. For that contract - the issue would clearly be that it would need to involve things I'd clearly not want, thus, asking that way is already off. The flipside to that is however so the B-issue, or "B-type" issues. Following the B-String - a translation into A would say that I either can trust God on that matter or that I can't.
As for the Episode 4 scene - the point is the following: In that scene there is nothing that contradicts to the Kink. It is an isolated room, she isn't being raped - although certainly bound to that place against her will - which is however in line with the Kink. Asking for what significance the ideological background to such movies does have - like - where the Bad guys conquer the world and that kind of stuff - that finds a theoretical conclusion at the end of the movie. There the two Knights are supposed to get impregnated by that Cerbrerus type Bio-Weapon and while in a 'Happy Kink' scenario they'd be into it, the situation drawn there was the opposite. No matter how much someone might argue that its all in the same - it is yet 'drawn' that way. The one story draws a 'Happy Kink' scenario, this one doesn't! If that is 'too high' for you ... maybe this one will help: Try to watch a Hentai called: 'Bride of Darkness' - and think about it! That is one of those movies where 'thinking about it' makes sense even from a Kinkless perspective. So it isn't 'Hentai' per se - so - 'Hentai' means 'perverted', it is so more like Ingrid in that regard that it isn't about 'entertaining the Kink' - so, just stupidly perverted - but deals more with the pro and cons of the matter in a, well, I'd give it a Quality Seal of Approval - or some Prize - saying, its a little bit of a Philosophical Masterpiece. If you are however offended by Hentai class Action - you might want to get menthally prepared for some of such stuff to be 'elonguated', but well, its not too much - aside of a few elements that ... well ... you might also skip Episode 1. Anyway ... its about the Morale of Attraction.
The Milk Issue
Yes, as separate Section. While I was so accumulating these previous thoughts, I had to also come to the conclusion that I ran out of Milk. I was so about to get up, eat my cereals, and write this thing up. The story with me and Milk though is the following: I did just start to drink Milk as of recent again. So, since I got homeless I basically existed Milk-less - and - it made sense to me that my underweight would require me to find a solution. Just eating didn't work. I was stuffed, tired, couldn't focus. So I followed some persons example and bought Milk-drinks. That however somehow 'blasted me off', like - as though I'd be intolerant to such stuff. But, I knew or know that I wasn't/am not - or at least want to think so because if I can't get any milk - whats left? Soy? Please not! It also felt Good. Its like - well - Quarter Pounder at McDonalds - or - how we call it here (and eventually I'm wrong on the english name) Hamburger Royal TS (Tomato and Salad). Its got that Sauce that just knocks me off. Well, eventually its like a Drug. Anyhow - Drug is a good word - for - while I so realized that I ran out of Milk I also realized that Milk had become a necessity for me, like, Tobacco, Marijuana and Coffee.
Now, mixing it all up the way I need it for this article, the result must be to yield the expression that 'if' I'm bad at something, then at taking care of myself! That however is - once put into the stove and waited till finished - an epic dilemma! Not wanting to put you off by arguing that now every person with similar issues would be encouraged in their infantry I've always been encouraging myself to not let that be an issue. I eventually phrased it so that technically certain emotional alignments might support something like that, but in essence I would yet look forward to take care of myself. But if I'm bad at it - my only hope would be to somehow get lucky, or at least not unlucky right at the most important point of 'em all. This argument might go into certain directions - but got phrased to come to the question: "Whom do I trust?" - or - as that line stands closely relatable: "Whom would I submit to saying: 'Drink Your Milk/Soy!'?". In contextual correctness to the remainder of this article the conclusion though stands as the following: 'Myself!'. But not entirely! And that is how the story would go on!
Listening to what my Body demands for - Milk is the way to go. I might try Soy - but - as for that - I have fancied to look a bit into the Vegetarian alternative. Thus I did consciously avoid eating meat for some time, while, it got to the point where falling back - as alternatives were eventually non-existent - made me feel sick, which was the reason why I'd look forward to get away from that. With the acquisition of a Frying Pan I though fancied to go shopping, thus I wrote me a list of foods that I would want - by desire. I then did only buy what I noted on that List, ignoring whatever else might crave my financial attention. The only vegetables I bought were Tomatos and if it counts Potatos. I realized that having a wider range of foods to select from made me happier to eat! I wouldn't feel: "Oh no, eating again!" - but "Yay! Lets make ...". So, naturally, its the variety that makes it. I just had to learn that there are given alternatives to Meat - like - Mozarella and Tomato Salad!
As for the Knock Off - I assume, but that might be an odd statement, that my Body switched to 'No Milk' Mode. So, while I was somehow lost in my way I kindof told my Body that Milk wouldn't be an Option - thus it changed. Then having milk again would have it upset to that, so, to not get used to it in case I'd be supposed to waive on it for some time again. Just a guess.
In that regard - I am taking care of myself, while it works as I follow my inner compass. That is to now conclude how this is more-over a part of this topic. I just want Milk, like I want tobaccor, marijuana and coffee. Whether it aches me or not! Naturally would someonw who has a problem with that have a problem with me! Like the Mother who would want her child to drink Soy would have a problem with her child if it wanted Milk instead! Which leads us finally to a point I would some years ago have maybe mentioned as first and foremost: Trying to change someones habits - esepcially with the argument of Love - is a bad thing! If I give up on what I am, that is that, as adjacent to the gaming topic, what is left? "Health!" ... ??? Yes, thats an answer! OK, I acknowledge! So, for the sakes of Health I must procure that all Meat is from now on Prohibited. Any actions done in support of eating meat are to be punishable by the Law! Is that what needs to conclude here?! Breathing should though be forbidden as well! Its toxic! Yea, pollution though is an entirely different topic, it lines up though. I guess I'm onto something here - so - from preaching the Gospel of enjoying the pleasures of life in adjustment to a social Harmony I'm going to preach the Gospel of Doctrines and Martialic Rules that are to bend and break every free and living individual into a mind-less Slave of my System of Vegetarianism!? Interesting Concept! Is it just me or is there something wrong about it?
See: People advertising a Vegetarian lifestyle - why not! People pointing out the various ways to improve Health and all that - hey! Of course that is alright! Me then finally - if I have a Health issue - giving up on the one or the other thing ... like getting raped forever and ever ... that is within the tolerance of a happy life! I mean it! Health is not to be underestimated! Its good! Yet therefore 'Health' shouldn't become a Synonym for Death! I mean it! And so yea, there is a chance that I might return to wanting to get raped nonstop until I die - but that in another Life - and that - not in one following our Earthly Logic! Life can be endless - or is endless - whereby God is our Guarantee that we may live countless lives in a multitude of different Setups that change each time we grow! But so there at one point will be an end to it - but now my inner compass tells me that it is time to say good-bye to that and look forward to calm down to the point of origin - where my Love is!
That is the closing subject! It was so that in this Story of Origin the matter that drove me away from that Megan Unit was that I realized that this Love that I wanted to Give her ... it tied to Memories - which requires me to dig a bit deeper into "Bubble Logic".
Bubble Logic
Once approaching the 9th Seal, at the very least after breaking it, mind has to learn to adapt to the Logic of Bubbles. A thought is less and less just a stream of words - but essentially a Bubble. We ordinarily don't realize a Thought in its Bubble Form, but essentially every thought is contained within a Bubble or a compound of such Bubbles. At the very least it does help to visualize the processes of mind. The easiest way to Understand that a thought is a Bubble is by undertaking it to take a thought - one that wouldn't hurt you if it got stronger but none that would put you into ideological discomfort - and put belief in it. So, menthal energy. Just squeeze your affirmation into it - and you would realize that the thought gains value. Hype is in about the same, just, it fucks you rather than you fucking it! So, in that sense, one has to wonder: What is the nature of a thought if that can happen? Rather than size the key-word here is depth. So, Bubbles.
Thereby, loving Megan meant to make me Love her, and so, Bubbles come up. Everything we do, like moving our Arm, that is tied to such Bubbles. Thought: "Move Arm" - put energy into it (as what is the mechanism of how our mind links to the Body) and the Arm is moving. So and that. What I so far called Love in terms to Megan could as well be described as a Hug with an attitude of ... emotional dedication ... so ... Love! These Bubbles however were already filled - and that is why I can't let go of Monica.
Well, I can, but that would require me to never ever ... Love again! This 'co-incides' with my Kink - or Self - then, as my Kink delivers me the state of ... or everything else basically too ... not actively Loving her. When I so get deeper into my Kink, I do progressively "forget" about her. While I am further at odds with that Love - as - not believing that I'd be any good for her - I so get even deeper into it. There is now no 'though must' like empirical Logic that would require me to let go of that Kink - which is of course the Dilemma of my life, mixed with the irony that when thinking of Monica the Kink is sooner or later again a primary issue. But, there is finally evident value within that Love - a value that is exquisite to the point where it is difficult to put the grandness of God into words. So, like I need Milk, Coffe and Marijuana - or like my Body demanded me to practice Tai Chi to get into balance or like I just had to get a Frying Pan to end my miserable condition, I need Monica to understand the value of living! Or the meaning of life! Anything! Anything that works for you! If you're upset about it then you're a bad person!
Well, so ... I personally conclude an issue I've had with the thought of Megan. The problem was that at some point it got unclear where my priorities would be. The idea that she could be the first to enter my life - well - wasn't worse! It was even better! It is though so that if I were to move along with her and skip on Monica - that - that would be very bad!
Stardate 55290.46751