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Stardate 55288.07
[silence]First I may have to apologize. When I in any way herein categorize you in any way I might intentionally do that to so insult you in any of the given ways applicable to that category.
Thereby we are all in the same category where there is a past, a future, a now - and a goal we strive to follow.
"The Walkers" - Lol
(a.k.a.: "Zombies" to those that don't know 'the Walking Dead')
(a.k.a.: "Zombies" to those that don't know 'the Walking Dead')
What so, is a puny human? - Trying to explain it from my direction, I have had to learn that our language forsakes me when trying to express certain things. It may though be that it isn't the fault of the language per-se, but more so the process of speaking in its relation to language - thus - something that is a condition of me, alias "the Speaker". Now, the problem is simply that partially there are no words or in certain ways my mind has adapted certain meanings within given words so that I cannot easily use them - point being - I have to make wider explenations in times where otherwise I might even just simply use a word.
Whether there is one, it may be, but so as referenced - I so either "speak" while making my way through "vague ideas" or I focus on something specifically but then therein tend to move through these vauge ideas when adressing something else. Think of it as of words. Words that I have to pronounce in order to say what my sentence is; In which case I so may be like learning a new language ... but, leave that aside for now. What matters is that certain explenations are individually words, and when now a human comes in and objects to something stated therein, then that's a puny human to me.
It is so in the core of all reason that when you say 'word' someone may already object to what you say. That even is totally happening - I mean - that two don't seem to be able to communicate properly because the one doesn't want to understand the words the other is using.
What now previously might appear like an upswing of bragging is matter of fact the presentation of an excuse. I excuse myself that I dare express myself for whatever reasons in light of this "public" Audience that I've got from not matter of being the next other perfection available at the current end of possibilities.
So I am, yet just another puny human, that doesn't want to understand the words that I would need to understand in order to express myself their way. So well, herein lies a difference but again, still, not. We take conversation as the basis - which means, we talk. We can so draw that as two bubbles connected by a hook.
That so is now the symbol for conversation. Now, this is the central, general, essential rule wherein all things happen - where either side can be taken either way. But now sill each conversation is its own individual memory - at least - so - this image expands and each conversation first is another one of those hooks, where eventually then we get to something like two walls of thorns. This same principle can now be applied onto topics. Here the walls are more leigitimately bubbles and each bubble so conforms to the idea of the talk. While now 'ego' and 'opposition' may be an adequate anchor, it is generally not. There is the topic you basically confer to/from and there is that what it is being conveyed unto.
Now, why is this of relevance?
It is because in these links we gather up experience. What this would tell to an atheist for instance is how believers run within the always same patterns. I as a believer do understand this because I get always criticized in the very same points, kindof. To say, it is irrelevant what which topic in which image and visualization here now means. - What matters more to the point is that when there is a Truth I'm talking about, like the Testimony for instance, that it so is a 'core' within one of those bubbles. A word now described as 'Answer from God' contradicts so for instance to the all-over general mind-set of the opposition - and that is where the own individual certainty does set the own self apart who do not posess the insight to understand it because in essence to the own mind the value of the Testimony is one upon the words of others.
What a man within my state of Enlightenment can do is to analyze and investigate a possible script or language - but this process gets cut down. Where I so want to find a way to convey an idea I have to draw my understanding of doing so from what I know and can tell. What I "can tell" is guessing, but that guessing makes me change may way of approach at least to differ from the "old self"; And although now a certain way of the own self cannot be fixed or discarded in reference to one sample - there now is this conflict between the art of expression and the knowledge of that which is being expressed. The more detailed the knowledge however gets, the wider the reportoire of possibilities one can conclude within, which is now a way of reasoning. There so is a word: Testimony - while now the addition or definition 'Answer from God' is already the correspondence to knowledge that is contained within this word. While 'testimony' otherwise means something different, certain people must say 'Testimony according to ...' or 'testimony of' - and here is where fairness becomes an issue. To be fair to me you have to admit that you - may it be of own interest - are here to get the insight of what is provided here, so that I wouldn't be fair if I with-held that for misconcepted reasons.
Whatever, the cut down process flows into these roads and riverbeds, eventually there is an end, but eventually one looses sight for the big picture. I do, slowly get to that point.
So, if what I say is true - to put it that way - there should at some point be that outcome, some final correspondence to it all, in which I do get back to the same point in that final way. Or isn't it? I would guess that there are some objections to that, like - "in which I do get back to the same point" - like, I must not and have to find another one.
OK, lets find myself another point. Hmmm ... lookie lookie ... what do I find? Ah, the Garden of Eden - discovered by [-unresolved-]. Hmmm - OK good, I can tell you the Truth but some might say that it ain't so do I lie and what now? There might now be some dish-headed douche-moronotry that I might apply to somehow now go and say that whether you say I lie doesn't matter to me, I don't and know piss off! So, lets say I'm the bad guy who so plays all helplessly lost and so to get this point accross that saying shit about it means nothing ... isn't that a point yet? It is so harmonically aligned to my situation that I so might accept that this looks like a weapon or some great masterplan that once was deceived to do something ... where now what? Arguing about time count? Like who did it when how and why? Here's the story, once and for all:
So I once was a little child and my parents were Seventh Day Adventists. +++STOP+++
Seventh Day Adventists are a branch of Protestantism that puts much value into Scripture. +++STOP+++
They - in germany - use a Luther Bible without Apokrypha. +++STOP+++
[-NEW PARAGRAPH-]
It was in the year 20-oh-something (3) that I began training as a Butcher and while doing so I thought to myself: Hey, I might try and read the Bible again (which means: Not the entire book, but: I might refresh my knowledge on the New Testament a little/might try how far/deep I get this time). So I began reading, the job didn't satisfy me, I quit, I ended up in my room - sad. +++STOP+++
Being sad I hadn't given up home in God and I suddenly "found" by randomly flapping through the book 'two' interesting things.
-
1. A reference in the 'Concordance' ("Appendix/Lexicon" for beginners) to a book shortcutted as 'Tob', which I didn't know anything of.
2. An entry in the 'word-guide' regarding "The who is dedicated unto God" - which had a certain mystery to it, thus I ended up knowing about the 'Nazirite Vow' (4th Moses Chapter 6).
I wanted to be one, spoke a vow to God, while then so the Bible Collection of my Dad came to mind and I borrowed a few and began comparing and looking for those lost books. So I found them, learned a bit more about them, found me a "Favourite Translation" (Einheitsuebersetzung) and began reading it.+++STOP+++
Arriving at the description of the four rivers I noticed [...].+++STOP+++
I so began looking for references to confirm my theory.+++STOP+++
Within an old Atlas of my gramps I found a ressource map and there I saw that the Amazonas basin was/is in deed Rich in Gold.+++STOP+++
I then began to look for a way to snap it together - and amongst our CDs I found a digital 3D-Atlas, installed it, took Screenshots and began putting it together using an old Corel program that had been packed along with one of our printers.+++STOP+++
Those now are what I call 'the most significant' factors that led unto my discovery. Everything else is a faint cloud of insignificance. It is now this story or any other that you may take - I guess maybe a nice one is the "what I would have done personally".
So there I was. At first I had put the Mississippi a bit further north-east than it belongs - it fitted - I had to correct myself but when it so came to gether the Himalaya floated into my head as I was looking for a stamp that seemed so obviously missing.
I contemplated upon the past - what now one might describe as the flashbacks of memories within short and precise cuts enframed within a solid light I beheld what had happened since I did that vow. It wasn't too long in, just a few days maybe - having red a few things, books, followed traces - and so I wanted to write about it, to make it known. So I began to write these scriptures - using a black felt-pen and thick paper I tried to put the discovery into a nice little booklet that somehow scratches into the story of Abraham and how it ties into the story of Israel - then so in part two I meant to describe the discovery in and of itself - and that is where I've lost the thread. It didn't felt finished, I had shown it to friends but they didn't welcome it, whenever I tried to talk of it to anyone I felt a certain suspicion or weird vibes - just the few Mormon Missionaries that came to my room to lecture me had embraced it very openly. But that was already 1 year later. It also had been time for the Military.
I was there for 3 month and there-after dropped out and so had to serve the remaining duty time in a home for Asylants as assistant caretaker. There I expanded my measures on what I should write. I began with my perspective on natural sciences - first focussing on my problems with the big bang theory down to my problems with the thesis of 'the becomming of life from evolution' - concluding it within what I called 'the Defining Power' - while later comming to know it as "Intelligent Design" while "Intelligent Design" is a very dulled down matter of looking at the topic. My concluding point was that the Universe follows Laws within its physics and that within the ... it doesn't matter anyway because Quantum Physics out-matches that.
Anyway I so skimmed through the different ways of looking at God (Spiritualistic, Polytheistic) - to finally come to Monotheism and so what I called "Jahwinism", concluding Judaism, Christendom and Islam therein - however skipping on the Mormon part. I sent that thing to my Love back then because I was hopelessly lost - while at the end - the story takes its tide as it continues into baptism, while so near the end of the year oh-four, or so dawning to the year oh-five, (by the way ... the Eden discovery must be locaed somewhere February oh-four) - I had found something to make its way into the book of mine wherein I basically had a Chapter dedicated to U.F.O.s that now so ironically would have to make place for what is to be told about Teotihuacan. However, the 5th of March oh-five I was baptized - and with it, so it seems, all of the things I had done thus far were like washed away too ... gone from my mind.
Whereby I mean to say that two "Books" in I have learned that all value is Transitional at best - at least so from what I could tell myself. I thereby now so also had found my way. I stopped smoking, then found another Job - ... while the next 'but', we may look at it from one basic position - like - April two-double-oh-five - lookin at June same year. On the one side there is my change in heart that made me forget about my love (that's: not having had a girlfriend) and find me another direction (which is: if that Love don't matters, what now?) - and on the other there is my 'new project' - what I came to do 'at home' - where I was, next to regularly visiting church activities and thus also digging deeper into the Lore and History of the Church, so expanding my curiosity onto Apokrypha - now however more so those relating to the New Testament while so in general attempting to direct my efforts into compiling something like a new Bible. Because it was not up until much later that my life should turn out wildly mutating within what would seem a strange insanity, maybe to be compared to one of the abnormal/abstract/plant-like biohazards within Resident Evil - it is now here where one would suspect something wrong to have happened. That is however: 'when' something wrong has happened. While now the two sides might relate to each other in some form - it was this digging the Apokrypha that took me into the gnosis of Enlightenment - and into Enlightenment itself - and whatever so happened there at the second half that year to me - well - or 'with' me - that makes me now ask the question: What was I 'expected' (not 'supposed') to do?
I could have begun to write or finalize that little book. I could have started to round up this "Round Trip" - and yea, about that one ... yea, so, it was oh-six I must believe - somewhere there plus-minus two years - more minus - but so - to put a finger on some date it's that - I came to a writing I so headlined 'Buddhas Lift' - it fades in to describe the life of a Chinese Monk of Buddha who goes his ways day in and day out while so expressing 'my Logic' of the Yin Yang and Tao in conclusion to the existence of a God and thereby then so sent the Monk out on a trip to find that God. First he came to india, then to the middle-east while finally arriving ... well ... I guess I didn't come to finish it. I now would say that the story can be completed if we're so taking him to Utah, but in not having done so or seen that while neither having been gaining any credit for the fruits of my wisdom thus far ... the missing piece are those that would come in to share my faith and confirm me to live along with me where then within our common faith this were the most likable practical outcome - so for the start. If you so feel blamed by me here then very well may that be what I did!
My efforts here anyhow had already centralized around convincing and impressing Jennifer Lopez, while certainly at some time suspicions had to grow but I couldn't right away just drop to them it seems. Its a conflict between two ways that are equally right as wrong. Should I risk to send all my discoveries to her, or should I risk them to fly around in my room without anyone ever noticing; Or in the worse case scenario someone scanning my room when I'm out for church. Taking them into the church might seem to be an easy task - but I saw no way to do so. Maybe its just being socially awkward or God just shutting my mouth down - it is again however that beyond a certain point of effort I had ceased to take it all up on my shoulder.
Who, what, how and when? That all is up on my mind when I come to think of it - while now I see it so much simpler when just letting it all be.
Chapter 2 - we might say
So, how did the years go in - as we now have the year oh-four-teen, and I basically made my first real public appearance in the internet around nine or ten? Well - yeah. So, this mutation proceed unto a point where I had understand 'the Word' in closer detail. So, from taking one of the Edition Argo books and starting within the Commentary I began to skim my way through the book. I have it here, so I'll quote:Sentence:
01: Very clearly does the exegesis "About the Origin of the World" state up, that the world, in which we live and are aware, is only a shadow, a distorted projection of a Light-reality.
02: This scripture describes, in addition to the "Sophia of Jesus Christ", especially the process of the Creation within Chaos, from which the world has come forth.
Which to me meant that at first I need to have a writing of my own hands - or maybe as projected conjecture to another piece of the puzzle - while the second sentence so takes me to the commentary - the intro-text - to the Sophia of Jesus Christ -or- into as it had been on my mind: "the Apokryphon of John". Eventually this takes one further into the vault that then eventually 'returns' to the previous frame until the story is back here and we get into the next sentence. Because I had been inspired - one may call it a vision but it was just a simple gnosis forming within me - to Understand the concept of 'the word' as 'complex'. So birthing while referring to the name 'Yhwh' - as I so learned being a composition of the three hebrew words that tell 'I was, I am and I will be' (Hayah, Hueh, we-Ihayah or something - close: Yehowah). The projection goes "... I ..." the head takes shape. "... I am ..." the torso and the shoulders take shape. Within the recognition of time the rest completes where so thinking "... I will be ..." takes shape within the legs. It is to be imagined like the surface of a lake at night. What so is like a stone being thrown into the water now causes the effect as though it were reflecting the light of a torch that so shivers within the waves. This is the faint - while finally within the 'definite' it takes a grander position.
So it happened that I had to think of this passage in the Apokrpyhon of John where the formation of a Body is being described but it doesn't really make any logical sense. So I tried this - to see if there is a 'Key' somewhere in the Book that once used as reference to what is to be told about each individual part of that body would allow an Understanding thereof - and what I got was down to the nose, or at least I so arrived there - part 7. Then I went and left for L.A. within some, I don't know how to say it, night filled with a thick veil and a moodie atmosphere of contemplation. There even so were candles on the lonely road that leads into a dead-end surrounded by open fields - within the settlement of industrial halls and office buildings - I don't know if they were lit from the beginning but they certainly burned at some point.
I don't care now to hunt after my ways back then - what was it? So - for the last three month prior to december of the year oh-six I lived in Los Angeles, while near the end of that time I began to think of Video Games. I somehow had first settled on writing about my thoughts while so trying to make my way around there somehow, I wrote a few pieces and someone eventually even offered me a chance to digitalize my book - strange story though - but near the end it all had gotten somewhat pointless. I couldn't tell myself enough while on the other hand I had been satisfied with what I had gained in knowledge thus far while I obviously lacked a clue to the answer of how to now convey that or carry it out or whatever now the question will be. Being back in germany the next year it became more. By the time I had settled down and so would be or was comming closer to the point of eventually asking myself what to do next I was inspired and so wrapped up some "fan-art" to Nintendo and there-after Capcom. After having sent those things out I had to come to the conclusion that within this world, that world at that time, wherein now I suggest for the time being that all my paranoia are true, that is not enough! The picture so took me from my drawing for an Octorok to a final 3D-Model that would correspond to that - and I had to see, as the imagination struck my mind, that these figures who work against me wouldn't just send a simple few sketches and a well-unwell written letter - but would right away present finalized products. So I began to work on a 3D-Editor on QBasic. [here]. This is now more or less so the full package. The versioning - the newest version so is finally what I come to call "the doom of progression". I so took my time to improve what I had but that wasn't meant to be. Anyway. It's from an information technological standpoint, well ... evident that its coder knew nothing about linear algebra. But, well, what did I know?
So it struck me that I should maybe learn programming a better language - since - QBasic didn't turn out to meet certain expectations. But so, well, I at least - I had invented my own 3D Projection logic. That was where my mind was at, to make 3D come from 2D, and then, well, use what is there to move on. I so came to learn C++ and OpenGL on Windows 98 on a 2-fifty-something megahertz computer - where so it became more obvious to me that the maths I'm using seems to be rather odd, so I went into the Library and learned a little bit of Analytical Geometry - a.k.a. Linear Algebra. I was baffled because basically its all simple! Linear Algebra means to understand these formulas, how to work with them algebraically, Analytical Geometry means to use those solid formulas to mathematically comprehend 3D space; Two entirely different sets of skills that yet are still strongly intertwined.
By the beginning of oh-eight I so began - it must have been around that time - well, let me guess. After first successes there was 'the dark period' where no code I wrote seemed to be working until I eventually stepped away and that was where I somehow stumbled into the invention of Agoraeyah. At first my personal trip had sent me through a few areas of spiritual reality already. That means that the basics of "Menthal Energy" had been established (belief or otherwise 'Daveithei/Levelheadedness-Understanding') so that I understood about giving a certain internal significance to the things I value truely - and it is in this growth where I found resistence. If this was a flower, the rain were like acid - that's the image. So, what we may as well describe as gravity ... yep - made me so uncomfortable about falling, thus within my struggle to hold these pieces together I so invented the 'word' Agoraeyah as first so for the experiment to give the 'highest margin of purity I achieved' within all these things a Name, so that by putting belief into it I could so do it all at once. It however didn't really live up to its expectations while so wondering about a name for this hypothetical new world I wanted to create Agoraeyah so at some point kept sticky; And around that name then it so also began to take shape. Nearing the end of the first half I at some point then began to write on what should be my Globe-Editor - well knowing that eventually I would run into problems where the computer couldn't fulfill the demand. Anyway it so came with the turn of the year that I was inspired in sight on an Operating System ... and while so being busy on that I had to move out and there-after so got acquainted with people I could live with for a while; And there also having access to the internet allowed me to so start roaming around therein. We might describe that time as a coma - where - during that time I existed within a very strange mix of pressure and tension. On the one hand these paranoia earlier mentioned had so proceeded as time would demand thus so basically requiring me to find a way to punch a hole into each and every wall I could find to so ensure that there is a certai basis of recognition regarding me. This entanglement within this feeling for these things got re-affirmed by what surrounded me - so - individually perceiving how my feelings regarding different individuals got confirmed. That is nothing deep, its just about superficial things - the raw essence of life sotospeak. So I felt consequences from my attempts to punch in holes - while in the meantime I also followed personal interests as much as 'collective leisure' and playing around with Linux firstly. This eventually concludes for all the time I have spent there until the situation faded into the conclusion that I had to leave. Being so homeless since December oh-thirteen - more or less - I have so far come to first settle my mind onto paper where all my technological equipment was locked away for the time being, then finding a room I began to unpack and begin to get back to work until I eventually came to a point with it. I really tried to meet all the expectations set into me from side of the Jobcenter or that measurement to so find me a job, I wanted to even, but eventually when putting it the other way that I so didn't care and just worked on my own thing would make me look the way I did - I think.
"And now here I stand because of you - Mr. Anderson"
What happened - so as point - could be described as a huge outburst that happened vastly conceiled within my life, where so parts are visible, like in the epi-center 'the Matrix-2-Reloaded'.
If I had to draw you a picture of what this means right now, picture my fist, my green-coded fist, holding that string 'the Matrix-2-Reloaded' in its hands - and we zoom into the final battle between Smith and Neo where now all those figures that constitute my paranoia are Smith and we come to that punch that is associated to the statement "Because I choose to".
And what matters now? Is it Eden? Or Stardate? Those are just measure-points along the way of someone - so I see it - who sets up one Mile-stone after the other whereby Matrix-2-Reloaded would be one, but not the latest. Now, it may be significant to see the value of what happened there - to think and wonder how come that one person can have so much "Luck", but - it is more so that given that one point concerning the Matrix I have a way of putting true weight behind my claim, which allows me to cognitively say that I have a "ground" to stay on - so at the end of punching holes I even have an 'identity' in calling myself "the One" in context to which there is no counter-claim so far. What does it mean though? That now as so people seem to turn away there is no real value in it? Or that not enough or not the right people saw it? Maybe people think from the get go that it right away is trash ... but therein so resides the current magic of the situation. As they would take that to be trash they wouldn't bother to be here, given or taken, so - whatever I write down here only really matters to those few that are interested this far - so that all nonsense left aside; From leaving safety I gained safety ... if taking that in contrast to my situation.
What else can I say though? Not everything that should conclude therefrom has concluded thus far - but so there now is a hole large enough for me to fit through - which also so gives me a virtual or digitalized identity wherein this past of mine carries forth that which so swings within the waves of your mind.
You understand that if there is a power that so shamelessly can persue your every corner - there is no need or use in resisting. It's pointless, but neither do you feel extorted or lessened in what you are when you accept it. Eventually one doesn't entirely understand the consequences of then embracing the idea of God - but if that is the question, which certainly is the point at some point, the conclusion to an answer can barely be about knowing all the possible outcomes if in conference to the one way the recognition takes hold that there can be no other. "Its inevitable"
Says Smith and he who is Neo in this picture now boasts up his strength, blows em all out in the air and takes a fly away - and smith - so stands there - not knowing what to do next. As often now we might loop the movie on the same ever returning music, this is a re-occuring scenario. Now so I basically have to 'return to default loop' until Neo comes back in, sotosay, which can now either be a reason to voice up my tone or the other Neo, so, an inspired thought or something; Like Stardate.
Now, for my own reference this 'mode of operations' is so common and familiar that I see no point in it anymore. With what logic or reason do I continue to punish myself by revealing these thoughts? But so in the new light of my Victory the answer is simple. However, here so comes the point - one point - one point I many times recited but now would seem like nothing worth to give a dime about. When I came to an end with doing something - naturally just another inadequate representation of the full Truth as some could say - I so eventually returned to analyzing this weird prison I deemed myself captured within. I so took note that me being maybe putting too much effort into this analysis while I would much better spend my time on improving the quality of everything I expressed myself within - I continually had to come to the point that its pointless for a variety of reasons and therein we might so find the struggle between Mr. Anderson (good guy) and I (Smith). I dare to say that some parts are better given into the hands of others while those that would reject the idea likewisely so impose an Ultimatum on me and with that picture I have a problem.
'Ho-gakuma Irasu'Ya'
- Nothing shifts without movement -. 'Ho' alias 'highly improbable' - in the other words 'Ho-gauken' Isum - sum - brum. Whatever - that is childs-play. That means - it is playing around with thoughts, making sense, something like Lego with words and idea. The more patterns one knows the more interesting the mix could be - or so - someone who is only familiar with the western way of writing (this way) would barely think of using Hebrew patterns which are in some degree different to the simple 'ABC' manner. I so once came to invent an Alphabet that came along with 5 Characters - the entirety of the detail being sorted into the decoration. What that means is that there is no 'e' for instance, that is just a line below the character, where a point might be an i. Then there is 'melting', which means to put familiar sounds into one character - like 'wouv' - and there is 'fractioning' which means that 'b' and 'p' may be one symbol while whether it counts hard or soft is up to the pointage or something.
Now that I somehow don't have to struggle for attention that hard anymore I have little reason to not put more effort into my expression - where well, we might say that I have a problem with not having been right about it, but - As we both know, Appearances can be deceiving!.
So, which suit do I take on? Saying that I now may very well have a position somewhere on the battleground, but that does not say that anyone should give a damn, I take shape within what I continue to express as it mingles whatever so happens within your sight. I say that it is silly to stay away for the sole reason that you would want me to do more beyond what I did.
Chapter 3 - What I did or didn't do
Isn't so much the matter when regarding the outcome. So - take scenario XYZ-01-Beta-Alpha-Omega-whatever - ONE - where I now come to write about something I realized where I so begin with 'I realized' or 'had to realize' or 'have come to realize' ... and while I so write about what I realized I realize more beyond what I already had realized and so come to write what I come to realize then down too. Now, what should I do? This is a dilemma! I tell you the story of what I realized then, but now there is this and that, so, can I just count it to it and call it right? Now however I see that there's a way because in afterthought the writing is to say what I have realized - all in all rather than at which point - but so in this very essence the truthfulness of the writing is already doubious. This deception however fades when so also correctly aligning towards the writing as a frame for various things to be delivered. Now, as I copy that now I can take it into the future and see in which places it helps me to improve certain things. If I ever come to do so however depends on what I so come to do - or in other words: What now pops up at the desk. It eventually takes hours to write something like that. But whenever I so see that the concern is on what I do I have to regard that in this hypothetical world where there is now someone that instead were in my team - I see what I see and that is a logic against the other.When I so however think to conclude this something tears me back into that issue - it is as though someone is still having problems with that attitude. So I think and wonder, what is it? What is the point? What is the argument? What is going on? There, picture yourself at my side. The screen there were just black with a green frame drawn around the black. So, lets say we're looking into the Matrix, that is, the screen is the Event Horizon into "your world" - the other side sotosay. So you stare on this screen while you think the world as you see it, you come to this conclusion and you stare at this black point and you come to ask: "What is going on?", and you so burn it with your eyes into the screen to hopefully pop out on the other end - then you look left to the other screen where the html file is built up within the browser, hit refresh, you read the words that you wrote and you see that the impression is not right in concerns to the mood that had flowed into it. So, think I were not alone, then this question is different - but I sit here so at the other end of this line, in this prison, and you're asking me to free myself.
Is it that I can't or won't?
Or is it just the spirit calling me back to learn something?
But whatever the case - at some point something always brings new motion into my life - and that sortof is a luxury. When I so have come to a point that "should have done the trick" - kindof - there is this 'nothing', while, I am clueless and at some point so I had a given clue - like always - just another thread in the fibre - something needs to happen ... and I wonder: What? What else can there be? Well, how could I tell?
So, psychologically, the situation is that I'm standing on a disk, a wooden disk, like the top of a round table, a white disk and spotlights are directed straight on it, and everyones laughing at me because I cannot spawn a fortress forth from the Matrix-2-Reloaded. Well, how nice would it be? "Jin Du Jun" and Atlantis (Stargates Atlantis) came flying here to me? OK, Atlantis equipped with Asgard Teleporters. That I agree would be fun! Naturally it is tuned to my DNA.
So, we all "know" that this won't happen - so - intellectually that is where you'll loose me. You can now laugh about me all the way you so want, and sorry that I couldn't produce a masterpiece featuring Atlantis in full action with Asgard Teleporters, ... I mean, get that: You would so expect me to now slap some long forged plan in tedious fine-work onto the desk, while I constantly tell you "these" stories?
Well, I eventually have something, but eventually I lost interest in following these things up to their end.
[give it time...then the joke is out...then we laugh] - what do I say? That the plan cannot be that there is a plan? That it would be an obvious sign of the Antichrist if a plan were followed since it so objectively would clarify that a vast amount of effort, dedication and planning went into the production of those things? Well - if you saw the Matrix-2-Reloaded you might want to revise that. OK - so bla-dee-bla-dee-bla. Therein however is the secret. There is a point - but so it "turns out to be" one of those stories - those this plan and that plan and so and forth and - we might now picture in reference to what that is being told. It's like playing Indiana Jones three - the royal cup or the wooden one? There are so many! That are words put into place that now take away the attention from another perspective that should be obvious! So, lets say that God was 'not' the designer - because if I said He were then that would cause us this conflict of back and forth which would primarily take us back to 'here'. What were however my message? That is so the point. If I so created this suggestion of a Mind that great that it could wizard this masterpiece into our reality beyond the knowledge and recognition of anyone - in my situation - then well, I find, it is a very genious plan! The design - however or at least - is very ... very - compulsive. It is I would say a 'depth' that yet has to find its equal, that we so come to perceive at the end - where maybe the final outcome is that you now are either entirely exposed to my mercy or that I'm yet just another guy who's advertising the Lord. So, maybe, to add a certain 'nuance de tenour', whatever tenour means, featuring a more individualistic flash of the story, where now God is in the background for once and the individual acts of one He deems special or worthy of the task are in the spotlight; So, to separate from the "just another guy" image. So, if we think of the Apostles or Prophets here or there we may speak of "one like the other", individual voices from individual directions, where now after the renaissance of fiction and the clash of cultures, through me it happens that a more entity focussed comes into the frame. I so in the end may very well be yet just the other guy - but so through hope and faith I could step up within the ways of God that we so are basically supposed to walk. That means - we might think that it is impossible or that the demands of that God are just too high, that these ways are more like obstacles or sticks rammed into a wall to represent a stairway ... tiny sticks. Nobody could ever make it - so we say - but then - why is it? Anyway, what measurement do we have to say that I did it? By my words it is His effort, by my words it is by Him that I've come here there and so on and so forth. So, it was His plan and things have been provided for it to succeed. What "we" thereby so could mean is that I found my way into the Church where the Priesthood is offered, got Baptized, and then found the Unification. In this world. Without stranger instruction. Saying that it was setup is clearly what is going on, that means, instead of being just "some guy" I am 'one guy' who has been put into place to do these things. How much me and how much He is in this - well - let's say that it is inseparably connected.
Now to do ... what?
If I had to be a good example, well - I'd have to live a good life now, relax and chill - that sortof stuff. Therein you so may see the final grandour within the design of that plan. It isn't what I did or didn't do - it is that I have existed in this "miserable condition" whereby I worked my ass off, hours upon hours and beaten off leisure, downtime and sleep, suffering under-weight - well - looking at maybe the worse miserable pack of pity one could maybe find - suffering these harsh conditions and all that, how would I be a good example if I were to support the stance that this would be a good way for it to continue? What message of life would I convey? I'm on the same trip with you where we worry that we're heading for a future that demands too much of us, where we worry for our children and even realistically wonder whether medi-eval wouldn't be the better alternative. A mind that demands too much of itself eventually collapses, but so, eventually - I wouldn't be a good example if I stopped doing what I did. That really isn't the issue ... but anyway ... for this plan to conclude now a certain piece is missing; Which is anyway the missing point; Where - mind-check: "Status Orange", is that good? Uhmps ...
Mind-check: What is to be expected? What is the 'only logical outcome'? That your understanding of my story does entirely not matter! That to the best of your knowledge all that happens here could be an act - where my role is the sick and injured guy - so that naturally there then must be an act-partner. This is the time where I so disappear for a moment, recovery time, while this is exposed to the public and serves as umbrella for us and what we do; But so also giving this time to grow. So, logically, if the Knowledge is finite - at some point the work is done, thus, it cannot be regarded a line of craftmanship - although still - a certain skill is required - thus adding it to the field of profficiencies.
God however - well - He seems to enjoy our tiny-ness, saying, we run around like ants in this world and we explore and discover. Now, God could simply tell us everything - imagining that day in and day out we listen to Him 24/7 about all the great things He's done, forever, but how would we so ever come to live? Thus, the "vagueries of my mind" are sufficient as they found on the mighty rock, where "giving it time to grow" is meant literally. Though now for the time this remains untouched there is no literal growth, the time that passed by on it can be like dew-drops - where we learn how to improve it here and there - to then eventually come and upgrade it.
Finale - The Door
In fantasy we might create an Algorythm that checks between the movies and the music whether a certain harmony is achieved - so - think of a tablet that only allows access to the position at which which movie is playing - primary reloaded - and it constantly played an inner playlist of as many songs we can find at random, and to unlock it one has to do certain things - like a 6-chain harmony or whatever.It is so the end of a Fantasy where we can provide an infrastructure where finally 'the one' is he who keeps all the important stuff - no bypassing - to have a solid joint in our System that we deem untouchable but to God and those He enables to unlock the doors. What I have on mind will require a lot of us - in terms of going new ways and the corresponding outreach - and I have absolutely no intention on going around talking and hustling for attention. Once its time for the next step its time for the next step; And until then - well - whatever happens happens, but still - sweet tasty logic - something will must certainly have to happen for things to work out accordingly.
