The Armor Story
A Who(l/r)e Lot of Shit
I guess you don't want to know any of the riddled issues I'm having unless its comming with a solution. Maybe you didn't want to know anything at all - but - once there is a solution ... might have been eluding ones mind.
Things that elude us, or our senses, so - things we simply do not see but have to be seen at some point because otherwise what we make of something is Bullshit (given or taken) - that is in some sense what this is about too.
Something that might have eluded me in terms of this topic is to take another step back and to start with the higher frame: How mind works. And yea, in just that topic a lot of things might elude me as well. But, some things are just 'on point'. It doesn't matter what else I do or do not see - it are those things that we know, things we can work with, things that next to the things we do not see have their own individual value.
We might say: Those are things we can objectively work with.
Our mind in some sense behaves like a clockwork - but so does a Computer or a Mathematical formula. Once a number gets twisted, the end-result is not correct. In general, when we walk through life, we have our main objectives or simply our living. Anyway - things that are well aware to our consciousness or make up its big part - they are not so much victim to minor twists and glitches. Once I'm walking down a road and I know I have to be at a house near its end - its pretty simple to get that right. But, the one or the other may have experienced it, that depends on the context - the reason 'why' we think we have to be there. If it is a friends house and we simply want to be there because we've appointed it so - well - there is little to nothing someone could do to make us not get there. If it is however a party that we've been invited to we may have questions to ourselves. Questions between how much of a friend we are to those that host the party or whom we are going to meet there may influence our 'desires' to get there.
Another story would be necessities, like, going to the bank, meeting the Lawyer, appearing in court - things like that. Here, in those latter examples, we usually 'have to', it are things that if undone yield consequences. But depending on how we setup our priorities we might forget something. For instance. Depending on how serious we are on meeting those appointments and other things we can be either on point or severly lacking. Because our primary motivator is our own will, that is a screw that can be tinkered with. At first the sense of duty is in concurrence with our private priorities - the question is: What do we want? So there are things that have to be done whether we want them or not and depending on how our mind is wired we have a harder or more easy time to do what we must. And really - it can be difficult! From a logical stance the problem could be that a person misses to see the consequences, and to then ask the question if he rather wants to suffer them or do what at the time isn't all that much fun!
In that sense our mind is victim to its own Butterfly effects. A tiny and perhaps insignificant 'variable' on our mind is part of a bigger chunk of memory or data/logic, whatever - and well - before it gets too complicated: Brainwashing is a matter of tinkering with that wiring. Stockholm Syndrome can be referenced as something that can occur on a 'broken mindset' - and well - to not get lost on this Level: It is the way our mind has managed its thoughts and each thought again holds its own weight.
Weight or Depth.
Weight or Depth - that may be relatable within terms of emotions. Something that is fun gains a lot of weight - or depth. Therefore its influence on the remainder of our psyche is stronger than things that don't have a lot of weight at all.
This is why the Love for God is important and why the commandment to Love God isn't a selfish request from God! The first consequence is that this thought within us that relates to Him is gaining depth. It is an easy experience to recreate. Simply try to look at this world from the position of belief and things where some would see miracles and others just co-incidence can however be related to. But well, there it so begins! What is a miracle? What is fake? What is truly just co-incidence? How we arrange those things will matter to us in the future. But naturally we don't have to sort all those things in yet. But that as well is the consequence of different habits we may have - and yes - life is in deed that complicated, but, not quite!
See - the worse thing one can really do is to start guessing and to start believing in those guesses! The Love for God will however yet take the mind closer to Him whenever there is something - something like the Testimony. It should be the highest goal to acquire it - and then, once its there - one may move on! The trick so is not to "know" how to arrange what - the Trick is to 'know' and to let knowledge determine the rest.
Naturally - in this sense - I have little to no knowledge about Love. I'm only guessing - and with everything that works - the Truth may not be what is apparent. To some people a Lighter might be magic, to others its science. How things affect us is also a matter of what we believe. I have once been in Love so strong that a simple spark that made me believe that she died was enough to make me cry. It is so what we could call 'True Love'. But it was just an illusion! Eventually I figured that, or, otherwise simply gave up on it; Although 'simple' may be an overstatement. But so is love quite literally one of the worse of all things that may happen to our minds. It begins with an attraction - that attraction motivates us and in that motivation we start to re-wire our mind eventually. So when we get rebuked for instance we wonder why, because its Love, and what is Love without Loyalty? So we want to change, but, basically only while these emotions are in play. Little by little - we can be taken by our craving and be made emotionally dependent. Its like acid.
Otherwise once we simply admire someone the same stuff may happen. Once we think someone is cool we try to rather align to his oppinion, we want to be cool too and so do those things we think are cool to him/her - and stuff.
It happens to everyone! In the counter sense again the same things can happen once we are being loved or admired, which is where we want to continue doing those things 'they Love', because well, what else?
Another thing with Love is that it takes us into an individual emotional reality. The emotions dictate a reality that we want - thus, therein may be an example as to why my Kink got so extreme. Love promised a decline of loneliness, emotions of warmth, and while I so loved individuals that gave a shit on me I was willing to take it for that Love - somewhere. Having a low self-esteem for instance means that there are thoughts that don't have a Lot of depth and as Love arrives at those points and the only thing to do is to keep them low, well, that might do the trick!
But its not quite as simple because Kink as I think of it is more than just the willingness to be that way for Love! We might otherwise ask the questions for our identity. What is right? We all need to have a high self-esteem, and then? What I call identity here is a certain configuration that we do automatically attract. It is where we say: It is how I am. Within my 'low self-esteem' I need to make destinctions to be more accurate about myself. I have my pride, honor, courage ... each in a given volume that feels right for me. But, while those things are guesses - its best to keep things on a neutral Level for now.
So there are ideals. Ideals can however just be like Love as well! Want to get rich? Think of all the things you may buy! There certainly is something you may want! A brand new high-end PC? Super Ultra High Definition Mega wide-screen TV? A PS4? Hookers? A Villa? A Lamborghini? Your personal theatre? A private Jet? The moon?
Therein I see something similar to Kink. I felt it - as I got to the term of ideals - that the desire to be rich felt similar to what I experience within Kink. Well, it wasn't the desire - it was the ideal. The ideal of being rich. But, what corresponds to someone? Someone like a Nerd? A Movie Junkie? Well, a big TV! Certainly! But that is expensive. The direct way would be to get rich - another ideal would be to say that within Zion one would need to be capable of living in correspondence to the own self.
But there are other ideals, virtues we might say. Modesty for instance. Modesty would help us to not fall for the "getting rich although we can't" trap but would us make look for ways ... well, however. People will strive for the things that are "theirs" - and each of us, so a conclusive thought, is susceptible to different types of promises. Thinking of material goods and wealth we may continue to argue that it is a key component to Living. If the idea is that all people on earth will get Enlightened Christians - what would it be? Although I'm barely a musician or an entertainer - what would life be without those things? It is a way of saying that wealth of variety is the natural product of freedom.
It aren't the things that are evil - so here - but some of the ways to get there.
Then is it not the ways, but what we become by walking on them eventually.
There it isn't us per se - but our influences ... or - whatever!
But while so Love is for me the way - I have to drop everything. Everything I believe is right or wrong. But, what next? If I listened to myself I'd know: I have to work on Zion. But, what is Zion? If knowing the way to what corresponds to me is a part of being Enlightened, then well, I'm back into Love. And, whats the big deal? Well yea - once I'm Loving someone that is opposing Zion - yea - sure! Why would I Love someone like that?
Hmm ... what else? What to work on or for - at all - if everything is Bullshit?
So, yea, quite right - counting it all together is it my duty to work on Prostitution in Zion. But can that be right?
Where the Armor comes into Play
So, the previous part is like an index of some of the things I understand about human psyche. In another way the story starts so, that one day "it happened". You need to know that Enlightenment is about breaking something called "the Ninth Seal". There are however 13 of those. So, once having achieved entering the 9th, there will be the 10th. Time passes by - and so - Enlightenment is about growing more and more towards Eternity. At one point it was the time where I entered the 11th. It was like the world - or rather 'Everything' - turning inside out and getting a deeper understanding of how the world itself is wired. It are things that can be very well put into words for all to understand and nothing new about it really, but, the Experience itself is yet quite - well - more magnificent. The 11th Seal is called 'the Receiving Spirit' - and is more about how Matter is subject to rules. The 12th Seal is about the creating spirit. It is where we might believe that we start to become Superman or so - but - not yet. The 11th Sphere isn't all that super-magnificent either. It is like Lv. 1 in any ordinary RPG. Quite literally as good as nothing. But from Level 0 still quite an upgrade. So, it began that I received that thought, that God is there for me, and it was there in the shape of a sword. I could feel it, the Leather around the grip, as though it were real but made of Light. That sword came in a scabbard - and it didn't take long until the sword snapped out of it and whirled around and the only thing I could do was to believe that God is there for me and it went back into the scabbard. Once I have put enough belief into it the feeling changed. The thought became so my grip on the scabbard and it didn't snap out of it so easily anymore. Believing more in it the scene change furthermore. The scabbard "flew" into my heart and believing enough in the thought turned it into something like an eternally long staff. There-after it became a bow and here each time I 'slipped' on the belief it was like the bow was bending and about to shoot an arrow. At this point simply believing didn't do the trick. So as it got to the point that each slip on belief was like taking out an arrow. There I had to wonder: Why? Why do I not believe? Or: What reason do I have to doubt it?
It goes on - and on - and on. One segment is about an armor. At first there is a shirt, the weaving gets tighter on belief. Then there are wristbands, they sortof stay tight even within doubt - like a shield. It goes on and on. Eventually there is a segment that is a bit like F-Zero. The thought is a car and one has to speed it through a narrow gate. Each tiny little doubt curves the course and bam - game over. The final - well, not entirely final - complete thing is a Phoenix Armor. By then someone has worked enough with the riddles and rules of believing to be capable of menthally controlling its wings. It is - quite a thing. That would be - "Stage 1". Stage 2 is different. While Stage 1 was about actively believing, Stage 2 was more about trust. Eventually, somewhere during Stage 2, the thing also disappeared. There-after I got to the 'second 10th Seal' - so - Level 2. Another time came the third, so, Level 3. But so - after the second 10th there was the second 11th. I didn't entirely understand what was going on back then - but based on the experience of the second 10th my mind was blasted with confidence. Anyway - it got to the point where I "invented" the Sibsidiakum and that is basically a point of inversion. It is like bending Eternity into a small dot and there-after my personal struggle was much about the philosophy of the experiences of this world inside of my mind.
Let me explain: Your perception exists within your mind. So is everything you experience about yourself also within your mind. As the spirit however grows beyond that - this perceptive world is, though it was everything, now just a part inside. But still the own mind is confined in the body - and so - whatever the case - there "appeared" this Armor. It didn't appear though from nothing, it was more of a work-out. From understanding what 'wanted' to be understood it so became solid. It feels like a Skin to the Spirit - a second outside for this other end - the thing that was missing. So I layed there on the floor - and well - I enjoyed having it. But then those ... what we wanna call them? ... "Leprechauns" ... came - "the enemy", paranoia maybe, and after they scratched on it and couldn't make it in they - quite easily - did something else wooosh, gone it was. That must have been like - 6 years ago or so - and just a few days ago I managed to get it back, this time I believe it is for real. I tried, over and over, to somehow get it back as I thought that it would be what I was missing - what eluded me - for my progress. So I eventually tried to recreate how I worked it up to begin with, believed that it was there but it was quite as easily gone as the first time.
Then, recently, I've gotten into another issue. I looked at myself and it seemed another body was inside of me. It didn't take me too long to be worried that someone just pulled another mad trick on me. It is identity crisis extreme, where now, it was as though someone would claim that my spirit was his. So when I looked at me inside I would see him, I couldn't get him out either, and by doing so the astair would spread that people who dip into my mind would come to see me as him. Anyway. The spirit told me that I should try something different. Yea, anyway, good to know that the way I was on was wrong. So, I got to the simple point of drawing my own spirit into my own body. That is like saying: I am myself. I am in 'this' body of mine. This body here is my body. It did something, but, it was a bit of a back and forth. Eventually at some other point I was somehow conflicted again - Astair nonsense going on - Leprechauns, whatever. I mean, sometimes, my mind can be described like a Ghost Mansion. With Zombies and Vampires and Werewolves and the Adams Family. Sometimes when I go to sleep I can't sleep for hours because something is bugging me. Eventually it was again some convulated in me, not in me, me, not me nonsense - and I had no clue what to do. There was this weird "leech" in me that I wanted to get out but nasty as they are the first thing they do is to mix with something personal or anything that I would want to keep and so I can't just pull it out or - something like that. Well, to make it so that me countering the effect is in the same time accomplishing something else they want. But God sent me a helping hand and while I somehow grew relentless - uhm - that is - not giving a shit about what I might destroy no matter how much I'd want it just so for the sake of getting rid of it, the ... cognitive approach I used was however 'parented' by this "ancient" thought again. It had a miracolously sobering effect and so - later - while again wanting my spirit into my body - I applied the same trick and woop - it took the shape of an Armor. So eventually to the point that I felt like I was bashing another one beneath my feet. That as it happens in the spirit is to me good progress. Something like that is some form of feedback and yea ... anyway.
There-after I eventually came to be drawn towards some "old Love" of mine - but she/the-thought-of-her immediately leeched onto my armor and wanted to pull it off. That however as I was trying to embrace her in my heart as though she were good for me while applying the given trick. That is to say: It doesn't work that way. Anyway did I have to get more and more precise about how I use it. While in the beginning it was like - a nice picture would be: If I held a dagger in my hand and rammed it into my heart believing that God is there for me it would be led away. Its like - an emergency solution where I didn't know, sotospeak, whether its a cure or poison that I would stick in. It changed at a given point where the belief emphasized a certain part of me that so rejected the intruder - and so - I had to change my approach from focussing on that part of me that is growing within the belief and that way simply toss the rest out.
Another time then, yea, a lot of shit happened within a rather short period of time, I was working - that was between thursday and friday last week - on that armor again - so - anyway. Eventually I got pissed and so the desire to rebuke others quite harshly is translated into something like a devapourizing energy shield. It is best described as solid anger, but, amongst the figures on my mind there were some that I couldn't vapourize with it. So I looked who that might be but in the end what mattered is that they didn't desturb me after I accepted that it didn't affect them.
This is to say as much as: Once a good thing is made bad because of people, it are the people that are bad and not the thing! Filtration! Another thing. Stepping into Enlightenment: The solution! Sela!
Yea - because: God won't let everybody in! You will have to tell Him that you want to get in because its the right way and stuff - where I tell you in about what to say to help you get the conscious position to which God may have an easy time to respond to. OK? This is more about you than about Him! It is about you to gain confidence in Him. It - thats something you can "use" - is supposed to be. All of us 'have to' if good is to happen. It is similar to personal upsetness about God who doesn't give you what you want - but - more humble, more towards what He actually wants.
Well - so - for you to not get the 'He won't let everybody in' part too negative! But to otherwise know from Him what you'll have to know about it - beyond the things I can or cannot tell you!
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