List of Content
.Being more Specific about Enlightenment
Phew, a long way it has been - almost too long! I say that because now that I have to tell you the story about it - I need to say that I have written a lot about it. Things that now aren't officially on this site anymore - and, well, it are things I ... would basically assume are to be recognized as my signature stuff. So, where it all began, I introduced it. I assume that everyone who would know me from this angle knows all about it.
It is something I accidentally stumbled upon, but, its not like I accidentally chanted that prayer and there it was. There are a few books - but I've begun to not write about them because ... well, its making things more complicated. It aren't "open" books either, like, that the Manual would be contained therein like accessible to everyone. They are, well, somehow encrypted, hard to read. At least I began analyzing them from that perspective and they began to make sense, so, I eventually worked out the details and reading about the criteria where I couldn't tell which are true ones and which not I found that I'd anyway pass 'em all - and so - the one thing missing was to find the 'key'. As I found it, I so prayed - which would be the final verification of what I had worked out by then.
So, that was 2005 AD.
Usually I write in defense of it, and this article is to get into it from a more dedicated angle. However - a few things upfront.
There are issues on my mind that I want to discard. I would mention them or get into them as I write passively of them - but their position in my mind is with the trash. Its basically spam. So, I have never come to the point where I would list them up, one by one, and see what I can tell.
A lot of it is, well, far fetched nonsense. So it begins with the Testimony already that some people might say that its effect is the result of some Alien Technology. So much for "logical explenations" - and yea - what can I say? I'll get to it shortly!
Another idea is quite similar, but it is more suited for the believer. In that idea the Testimony would be the product of the Devils Powers or something along those lines. A very nasty theory builds on the idea that God would be dead, that Christ lost His Divine Power to someone, thus dieing on the cross - etc..
Each of those issues isn't necessarily an isolated thing. So, once being opposed with this religious approach, of course a more dedicated knowledge of the Atonement would help gettting another take on the scene. Its about two perspectives. The one doesn't understand it and so is shocked about this connection, the other does understand it and can only laugh about it!
What I can tell isn't so much anything about it. It wouldn't be my duty either to debunk those things. Well ... although ... - but seriously - it are two items here and they still follow the same pattern. I can focus on them - but I can also focus on what matters regardless of them. In sight on those things nothing changes. Its like a third option and there the idea is that God is still the Eternal Spirit and thus cannot be changed or altered - thus being all-powerful in the sense that all power that exists is subject to His will - and done! What He does is what He does and nothing and nobody can change that!
.Naivity
I may call myself Naive by seeing the success on that prayer as a verification, but seeing it that way isn't only a matter of faith. For not being a verification there at first have to be doubts and those doubts have to be real problems. It there doesn't matter either if I had them before or afterward. If I got "faked" then well, that would be something for me to figure. However, the other side of the coin is that at first someone needs to meet those conditions. Its like a very narrow path that does even narrow down furthermore as it gets to them - and once all is clear - then someone still has to request entrance, to make it work.
I since then have also been burdained to Understand how it of course is a narrow way, and how many thus might fail or fall for lies. Its like a mirror in my mind that shows me all the remote places. I see that they are all hung up at one very simply issue at first: The Testimony. There are lots and lots of places, groups and individuals that have some form of Enlightenment, Promise of Happiness, things like that - but there is only one God, one Truth!
One might call me Naive for believing it, but I have lived a faithful life - and that doesn't say that I sticked to some imaginary law that I later or even beforehand would come to debunk. I didn't drink - like regularly, sometimes though - and that not because of some Christian pseudo-law but because I'm not liking it as much as, lets say Marijuana. By living faithfully I mean that I took it pragmatically, I tried to understand this invisible God. So I started to read, wanting Him to help me Understand the Truth. That has its History! I've been somewhat faithless until I found a book about the Revelation and what it did tell me wasn't so much the issue. I had to figure for myself that parts of it are real, like, where it writes about the Roman Catholic Church as Evil. It made a lot of sense - and so it was shocking to me that nobody really knew it or seemed to care. Years had to pass since then for me to find out that Martin Luther had the very same issue already. It should be common sense! So, anyway, I wanted to learn all about it to know myself where what is written - to have it pure, to become invulnerable to pseudo-Christendom. That is the one side, me investigating the Scriptures and Religions to know what I'm talking about. The other side is of course God. How did He begin? Well, I was believing and praying - that was in about it! Thats been it until I once came to loose faith again, but it was like some Angel came to help me out. So, whether it was an Angel or not is not important. Otherwise I'd say that I just opened my Bible and stumbled upon things that I should know. "By Accident" - if you like it this way better. But - around such topics ... arr, headache, facepalm-worthy ... we get to those "logical explenations" or how else ... well so ... either way, I stumbled upon the Nazirites Vow (Numbers Chapter 6) - and wondered if it for me as Christian were an option. I vowed - and there-after I was, well, totally ... blasted! I mean, ideas came into my head that should actually be obvious to have. I borrowed some Bibles from my dad, investigated where those un-known references would take me to (so, until then I hadn't heard of Apokrypha) - and it was just a blast. Finding a nice Translation I started reading the Books of Moses and as I went on I ... yea ... so in Chapter 2 I arrived at the passage that describes Eden. Wondering if there is such a place ... etc.. That is how God began making sense to me. It was an indirect thing - and I had to realize from the start that this is how He would interact with me from then on until ... something more might come into it.
By that time I already have tried reading Dao De Jing and the I Ging, but not like I understood anything but the bare minimum. Anyway ... long story told short ... it came to the point where I stumbled upon Teotihuacan. At first I couldn't make anything of it until I've read the lines that told that there was no written record of them found anywhere. By accident I had also stumbled upon the Phantom Time Theorem - and adding 1 and 1 together - the Mormons got to the top of my Priority list. It was then after I already had a fixed date for baptism that I was asking for a Testimony. I got paranoid and so wanted a verification. It came later that evening while I was high ... but whatever. The baptism itself was another blast in and of itself. I have never felt so ... "clear" before and after again! I mean, each sin or missed good-deed would lessen that awesome feeling, back to normal. Now I'm basically feeling like I'm covered in inches of mud and dirt - and nobody would agree to a footwash. I asked a Mormon brother, but, well, its their own weird world. Only Apostles do so, that was the answer. Well ...
I didn't have a strong idea of God as person, I just knew He was there as He was the one who organized this symphony of accidents that brought me there and onward. So I found those books and onward I found Enlightenment. It was also the final missing piece of the puzzle. The text promised a higher union with God - and so I realized that yes - I wanted to know God better. The more I read the more I got interested. Being basically already convinced that I was on to something again, because well, it's been a given standard by then, the final remaining question was: If it is the right thing it has to work! OK, thats not a question - but so was I not believing that it was wrong either!
.The issue with those Books
The thing is that they are closely related to the Nag Hammadi Codices. By growing my collection of Apokrypha I somehow bought a few of them - well - by accident sotospeak. Basically my 'inspired target' was, after I had read some, to assemble something like a new Bible. While reading around to find good material I so stumbled upon one of those NHC writings - and the author who introduced them pointed out that once looking at it as on a secret message - the meaning of the text changed. So, instead of reading it like the ordinary scripture one would have to ignore all the other guy said and bam - it got a conclusive text. This brought my attention onto those books ... and I had to realize that it is a thing ... and later I had to find something close to evidence for it - that I'd not be the only one interested in unlocking their secrets. By rebuying them I somehow bought a used one. On Amazon it was labelled as "as good as new", but well, someone had already text-marked various things here and there. Its a headache to try and understand what that person was up into though. It somehow worked with that image I had that some were so desperately trying to get it done that they'd just - well - buy 'em and throw 'em away, like, almost routine. But that'd be a different story.
The solution, to point that out - as a combo of NHC and non-NHC stuff. One will need the understanding of the 12 Aeons, and of the 13 Seals. The 12 Aeons are about understanding the Nature of the Spirit - the 13 Seals are about understanding the Nature of the World that is created around us. To get beyond a certain point one will need to know God. He "might" have done it so that it would work like ... well ... physics, like a gate one would need a key to and so that it wouldn't matter what kind of a person that person is ... but to my experience He didn't. Well, what does that say? "To my experience"? If I had come this way for knowing all that there is to be known I possibly would still be checking the loose ends. There is nothing wrong about that sentence and formulating as though anything else is wrong, well, that wouldn't make sense for me! I know what I know and don't pretend to know what I don't! But so I come to the closure of the introduction.
.Closing the Intro
As there are many ways ... there are many ways to interprete the NHC and Enlightenment. How I tell you something, that doesn't matter! I know that you'll possible hear or know of other things - and it will not be my exagerated certainty that would help you, but you understanding what it means. This is for once an example I'm expanding on for this closure, and also the intro topic for the main part.
Yes, it is because I'm after all still me. The story I can tell you is as good as a manual - which is as loose and without context, unverified and potentially nonsense as everything else. If someone were to argue that the validity would change as I'd change my formulation - that person would be a moron. That person wouldn't say so though, but more something like that the formulation were a hint to the truth that is behind. Mhm ... and how's that? I told you how I come to make that statement - which is to hint out that I may have a reason for writing the thing the way I write it. It is an issue, more complicated than the two/three introduced at the beginning, but it comes to the same end! God is the only way! If you think that there is another way, one without God, or with God but just another way, I'd yet say that you're missing out on something important! It is for instance so that the process of Enlightenment is a process. It isn't a 'snap-boom-bang' all-lit-up kind of thing! I entered as someone not knowing what to expect, just knowing the scriptures here and there but next to that ... what would I know? There are many aspects of life ... and quite early on it is about certainty. Certainty there isn't something one has to make blindly way for - like "being certain for else you'll loose it!" - but, normally. So, I've written about how I got paranoid short to my Baptism, thus asking for a testimony. The Testimony gave me the certainty I needed to be sure enough about it. Clearly on the Paper and to my reason the Experience of the 9th Seal is straight and finite - but it takes time to digest it. It so happens that there are those: "Couldn't it be so that ...?" statements. Or the question: "Are you sure?" asked until you aren't! Well, what shouldn't be sure about it? And so one comes back to confidence. Once the question comes to an answer the answer can be analyzed. So, closing up loose ends while the story goes on. Certainty is gained over time - as God worked with me I grew more and more certain. This work is constantly there. There is no time where He seems gone, although, that is different but considering the many Levels of presence there are, He is never gone! There is a whole new reality wherein He is immanent, and compared to that is life as it had been just a tiny bubble - less than a corn of sand in the vastness of the Universe.
Naturally to an ignorant things would be a lot easier! A real ignorant has the power to believe in anything he wants to believe in - be it true or false. Its like driving without fastening seatbelts, or going on a long journey without checking for fuel. Sit in, keys are there, all setup and ready to go! ??? Uhm, well ... maybe not!
A simple formulation: There is only one God and one Truth! If God tells you that this is the way, you can damn well be sure that my expressions are on point! Why would He send you the way of a liar? There may be reason and logic to tell another way, but there also is reason and logic to tell yet another way. There is also reason and logic to tell this way. You can possibly figure out what the true way is - but - it may as well be wrong!
.Me and the Story of Enlightenment
This first part is about me - because I am the one telling you of it and so I am going to be a primary reference for you and so - I have to write about me because, I'm not perfect and perfection may have been an expectation. Matter of fact I do feel hatred - saying - I'm still capable of holding such emotions within me. But whatever I'd say to say that I'm imperfect would only add fuel to the fire - so it seems. "Do this, do that! Go this way, go that way! So we see that You're enlightened!". I -hate- it! So, maybe God and I are morons ... morons that feel that life is so much better when not listening to such things! The ones might be telling me to stop smoking so I'll be growing in the Light, what I do in return is to lite a cigarette. Others might be telling me to withdraw, meditate and find peace with the Universe - what I do in return is to play a Video Game. What is there left to yet be growing in? What is there left to yet find peace with?
I have light and I have peace! I may be not yet capable of flying - which has been an issue at some point - but believe me (get the vibe) - if you wait for me to fly you'll burn in hell before I'll lift off! If the future you seek is me transforming into Superman - you can wait forever! Is it you or is it me who is closer and dearer to God? If He told you that I'm the man then I'm the man! So, as far as I can tell I know what He wants me to do - and I know that those things, things like "stop smoking" or "withdraw", aren't comming from Him! And don't turn away when I tell you that you are reading this here - so you know that you know! He knows at least! Tell me: What do you need to ask God for guidance? Do you need me to fly? To spit fire? To master the "immortal Technique"?
Believe me when I say: When the time comes that I am really required to go Hardcore like that - its over! Slavation Cancelled! No peace-cake! No Friendships! Just Bloodspill and Violence! No more Hot, just ice-cold! Why do you think its called 'the narrow path'? And in case you missed it: I am Superman already - intellectually! But if you can't heed - you'll not gonna get it! If what people say is more important to you than what God is trying to tell you - you'll never see it! And that is important! Its, to give it a scientific touch, like with Bio-chemical alignments. As you heed God something inside you is going to change, something that is required for you to find peace! Otherwise you cannot enter Paradise!
If you cannot harmonize with God - you're like a lousy dog! You cannot be trusted to be good and right on your own - life is way too complicated once speaking in Paradisic terms for an ordinary person to fit in! On top of that - its just unspeakable! Its like a party where dress-code is white and some person shows up in red, or black, or totally mixed and dotted and what not. To say that the mind is cleansed within Baptism, that is one thing. To say that emotional impulses are given by God and take the individual into the right direction is another. But still the individuals will needs to be aligned or otherwise God cannot do that to You!
That is the second condition - the "Father" who is pulling you in - but for that one needs to have grown to ripeness so that the individual is internally ready for that.
These are the things that come through my mind - and stick - so I write of them - when I follow that impulse of saying that Miracles aren't meant to convince anyone! That some things stick is something I had to learn, to trust things that stick a certain way is a thing I had to learn, to trust those certain impulses is a thing I had to learn ... and I'd dare you to tell me how I've learned them! I certainly didn't learn them by making demands on God! I didn't learn them by telling Him how He would need to do to me for me to be His friend! I learned them by going my way being cautious to do His will!
Is it true or not - after all - what I write in behalf of those things that I learned? It at least makes sense - to my judgement enough to be independently vaslid! I don't need any more books or scriptures to know what to do! I actually never did! You don't either! That doesn't mean that they are useless - but - neither are they life itself! Isn't it so? Well, at least I know for myself for a fact that life is so much more awesome when not being required to learn an endless listing of rules to live! Its better to know it by living! But that is the one side. That is all in all something I came to label as 'Apostolic Wisdom'. It means as much as: While God is there doing those things to my mind - showing me, telling me, enlightening me - why not putting it to use?
But do you think its easy? You need to understand that between what you think there may be and that what is - there may be a difference. If they were so bright and clear - literally visible and loud and so - one would still have to act accordingly. But they are not! They are silent, almost not even a whisper. And why is that good? Its good because between that which is visible and that which is perfectly silent - there is a wide gap! If you think between what you see and what you call the bottom of your consciousness - how much depths is there? I'd say - the visible is one thing, the mind is the other, including subconsciousness there are three layers. But subconsciousness is already loud compared to perfect silence! Imagine it like a ladder. I didn't learn to stay on top and discard everything that is less than awesome! I had to climb down and grow into the entire scope of what is available. There at some low level God talks to me - which is unmistakably clear because all the other things can't sink below a certain point, while 'sinking' isn't even the right word. They just don't 'get' beyond a certain level. Its like there being a top and a bottom. Its even somehow visible from where what is comming. But, not visible like in a Video Game; Although, once getting used to it - and there - its a process! Its nice to have continous growth - which is of course what the entire life in this world is layed out around.
This kind of Apostolic Wisdom is what I have from it, what all the years went into. People trying to be intransparent, or withdrawing themselves from giving me answers that I'd want to have - thats a simple odd to me ever learning to be really safe and sure about trusting what I see in people. It are like scraps that fall under the table and are frequently mixed with poison to make it more difficult for me to get along. And I'll be honest - I haven't ever cancelled a friendship although I'd have to be sure that that person is a bad one. I don't know if its paranoia or a weird scheme of weird schemes. The hard ... well ... bump ... I might call it ... the big ache I can't get rid of ... its the idea that people for instance might pretend to be friends - and the whole drama spins around the question why I don't cancel it! It gets eerie when I have to consider that lots of the trouble on the upper Levels of my consciousness are the product of people messing around with my head - and if I consider that there might be others that don't have the lower strength I got, well ... I see how that after a couple of years - depending on the individual minds fortitude - can cause a lot of problems! But that is nothing I believe I can fix or solve - if - I might only help making things worse!
I had to understand though where I feel well and where I don't - but that alone doesn't make me come to a conclusion about where to be and where not to be. I come to flag things though, I'll say: Here good, there bad - and on that awareness can grow and that doesn't make me change my ways either. As lets say those 'false friends' want to see how I react to someone who plays nice on me - while possibly being not so nice in the hidden - I take them the way they present themselves to me. It may be stupid - but better I win a friend more because I'm just a friendly person that not having any because I'm always on the run!
In the end - its like I don't have any friends. If you think that I'm someone else here than I am in my real life - well may be - but this is the majority of time that I spend on anything! Next to Video Games of course! The point is that I'm looking for 'real friends', people that get Enlightened, people I don't have to worry about! So, if I discard my "friends" behind their back - well - the thing is that if I regard someone friend enough I'll tell him about Enlightenment. If he doesn't want it - he is already somehow discarded. It may be bad, since I then can draw a conscious line which I can't with folks that I didn't tell of it - but effectively the story goes so that if this is advancing to the next level, this will come to them. So, I'm not discarding anyone, I'm more or less working towards the point where they can become 'real' friends! Where the priorities are - well - thats something I leave up to Him - God - the mighty one!
.Baptism is important
Around that edge - those stories about real life, dealing with friends, going wrong ways - I have a story of Love, ill fated Love! I've been a Moron, no doubt, and within my Enlightenment I came to even like being a Moron the way I am. It is a part of me, a part of what I am - it is something about me that I don't need to change and contributes to my wholesomeness. I guess nobody can ever be totally not a Moron. So I'm simple, easily falling for Love, emotional compassion, etc. - you'd know me! Stupidity - well yea - basically my entire smarts are due to His efforts. The rest is simply spirit. Wisdom, Love, Energy ... so: Will. Wanting this Love was me being me - thereby wanting a certain kind of Love that corresponds to me. That is how I see it now.
So my entire mind lacked anything whatsoever to defend against the attraction that I felt. That may be taken as post-cognitive evidence for ... me being me. So, it leaves me to suggest - just by the way, as to ease peoples minds a little - that essentially there are only two types of people God would allow to become famous: Those that are naturally strong and those that are naturally protected. Or just the former. Whatever. After Baptism I however was one emotion richer, I knew a new level of reality, I've experienced something 'more' - and thus came to question that which has been. Within the cleansed ways - so the more accurate description - thinking about more than just my emotional "fulfillment" (the ideal of Love being more important than money) became an issue. So it came that I questioned the logic of the way I had been on - demanding a moment of truth to either let go or finally have what I believed I should have. The problem was that I believed that it was meant to be, while I didn't know when or how. So everyday was another day the time may have been ripe - so - I was constantly blind by constantly believing and thus being burdained by holding on to it. The desire to move on was there - and as the day came and she didn't show up, well, I realized that either way, its time to let go.
'More' ... thats a good point. I mean, its hard to put it into words. The emotions of Love that I've felt were over the tops. I guess until now I haven't felt anything 'more' than that. I mean, it is literally like a bright burning fire - or so - even more like plasma that cuts through anything. The awesome feeling after baptism wasn't 'more' than that - but so - more like water. And instead being just a tiny flame, its been like an ocean. It is that dimension, that width, that "logical plane" of clear ... clarity ... wisdom and logic ... a sea of sense! A new dimension so where that small plasma-torch soon lost significance. I was however not invulnerable to it - neither did Enlightenment make me invulnerable to it - and so it happened that soon there-after I made the same mistake again: I fell in Love, the same way.
.The Testimonial Odds
And I did pray! I maybe just didn't know how to pray to get away from it - well - at least not for quite some time. Instead I wanted to know if the person is really my Soulmate or Righteous or if it even is meant to be for me and her to be together. Which is weird. I once had that dream as an answer in regards to which I should have recognized that it wasn't meant to be - and yet I found myself excuses. It is so, obviously, that while one isn't capable of strictly following a Testimony, its useless. In hindsight, a testimony that is simply useless - is useless as well! So for the time being I believed that one of the two was my Soulmate - but now that term has no more meaning, no space, no position nor significance! Or in reverse: She may be as much soulmate as may be - it doesn't matter, and furthermore - the entire issue is a single nuisance.
And there it is again - that 'weighted feeling'. In words its as much as saying that what I said - or would have to believe in terms of that Testimony - binds me to believing it. This would say that I'm bound to fall in Love again. Its also a feeling that is deep inside and that I actually don't have anything to put up against. But when relating it to the image with the Ladder, it isn't on top nor on bottom - its in the middle when drawing a triangle from it. It is within me - like - it used to be even before baptism. We have feelings and that won't change!
As opposed to the "new kind of Love" that I know, that feeling however doesn't draw me a connection I can work with. Its just a feeling and the person I'd think of is worlds apart. I guess I can even replace the person by someone else, anyone, and nothing would change.
Neither is this feeling 'sticking' as all the others that do. And as with all "Wrong Testimonies" the point is to wonder about what actually matters. It may be a 'nice to know' thing - but what does 'knowing it' make me do? From that angle - as I focused on that emotion and thought of what it'd make me do - well - that kills it! At least so when going the way of trying to 'fulfill' it - so - submitting in that to that person or something. Well, another way makes it come up again. If I so think at first of abandoning the other Loves that I have, well, I might do so and then this Love would be the only thing left and I'd again be ... well ... supposed to beg and what not. So are testimonies all in all about finding the way - and not about knowing the truth of things. I can endlessly wonder about it - yet it doesn't offer me a way.
There also was a formulation implying that I'm rather bound to the emotion than to the person - but I can't make any sense of it right now. You - dear reader - reading this: I won't edit this. I don't want to tell you about right or wrong Testimonies at all. But I know there are those that have helped me move on and those that didn't. Those that helped me move on have also not really been much of a help, except for 'the One'. I'll take that dream that I kept referring to - where I dreamed about my time in LA before I went there, something I had entirely forgotten until I was back in Germany again and digested what happened. It came - I didn't need the dream to anything. And there-after, well, it was a boost to get invested into Capcom, but, what was the point? Its however layed out a way and I can't tell that it was a bad thing either!
.Pragmatic Faith
It is wrong to suggest that when I refer to my faith as Pragmatic to think of my correspondence to all the Testimonies I've asked for. Well, I've once started with a list of things I wanted to know to undertake it to ask for dreams about all of them and to so note the answer to it - but I guess I didn't even get one line solved. My pragmatic faith is much more immediate and less ... uhm ... worldly. I guess its a common item to compare God -not- to a vending machine. But - I'm going to compare my faith to one. Pushing buttons won't solve the problem! First one will have to meet the conditions so that pushing them buttons will have an effect. I knew that I was pragmatic the moment my Philosophy teacher talked of all the different directions that there are. Well, except for 'Neo-Scholasticism' I forgot what the others were, and what Neo-Scholasticism is I can only guess. Its I guess those that are stuck into the books rather than the world around. However, I knew that I was pragmatic and because it was a Christian Internate and me just having re-discovered faith I had the desire or wish to have a pragmatic faith as well. This meant that I wouldn't have to live by what is written - but to discover the meaning of what is written by believing that He will provide. That is of course how it works with a riddled Scripture and an invisible God - so in hindsight. What it meant to begin with was that I didn't know how to make it practical other than by beginning to accept that God is a living being. I couldn't tell how He would show Himself to me - but that of course was the point!
I couldn't tell, so I shouldn't! But assuming that if I lived up to the standards that I recognized as righteous I'd yield His favour and thus there would be nothing against Him returning the favour. So there was no point in being furthermore bothered about Him doing anything - and so I continued reading. Anyway is that also wherein the ill fated Love continued and there-after turned into a second round. That is me being me, believing what I believed, and assuming that me believing it ... or rather the reasons for me believing it ... has/have a divine origin - that made me assume that it was His will. That also moved me into arguments or loudly shouting into the sky being upset and demanding an answer. Nothing however came - nothing that would however make me change my mind or way. In hindsight I understand that that was life, that there are reasons for my behaviour and that not all reasons that exists are ultimately Gods divine ... well - people say that everything happens for a reason and so on and so forth - kill-a-man-and-you're-innocent-because-you-can-blame-the-people/God-that-didn't-stop-you-from-doing-it-kind-of-stuff - or blaming it on the own mind and so on that one is unconscious about and so forth - ... decree! Or whatever. Life is Life and one has to overcome the own struggles. It's like a way - and there is boulders and all kinds of nonsense on that way. Beyond those odds there is ... "the Truth" ... it's like having a big backpack full of garbage and one has to first throw all the nonsense away before having space for all the goodies.
So, there are things that didn't work out and eventually I had to see that. As my cousin used to say: "Failure doesn't mean that God abandoned you, but it means that God has a better idea!".
Anyway - that kind of Pragmatism is exactly what takes me back to the topic of Enlightenment. Having fulfilled all the criteria there is nothing that should be there to make it not work. That became a criteria on my own - though - I figured that I so had nothing left to do ... hee hee ... but yea, failure wasn't acceptable. It may have been the Spirit pointing that out as I got used to afterwards or just a flash of intelligence - but I didn't want to get confused about a failure. I somehow noticed that if I'd fail I might forget or abandon it or get riddled and confused about what went wrong. But on the paper I've had it all - the second criteria was well fulfilled by me getting there in due respect to my efforts of getting things right, so, trying to please Him and not my ego. That it worked out was finally cool - and that He continued to work with me and that even more than before, along all the things that changed makes it safe to say that it is what it is!
.Enlightenment vs Darkness
Which so brings me to what I believe is the biggest "bug bear" about it: The concerns - (yes, only concerns!) - (because God is awesome!) - of "what changed" being only hallucinations!
Well, people that have those concerns have basically no clue about what it is! To speak of Hallucinations there would need to be something that I could look at and wonder if it is just a hallucination. OK, take a look inside of your own and feel that "membrane" of yours, that outer limit, that Hull, that - 'skull'. Beyond that there is only Darkness. Now, I can't change the fact that beyond that darkness now there is only a huge ... something. Maybe compared to a brain it makes most sense. I'd dare to say that its Gods brain attached to me - but it certainly isn't that simple, and so the issues: What is and what is not?
I must however say that I haven't ever seen Reality as clearly! One might compare that to playing a Video Game. Take any Video Game that is new to you - so new that you have literally no clue of how to play it. Minecraft, Terraria, World of Warcraft, Starcraft ... yea ... to me - League of Legends/DOTA would be new enough. You start and you have no clue - or - a little bit, but, games have depth. So, I'll stick to Terraria. In Terraria I so used to start building me a house so I can have a base. Simple. Chop Wood, place blooks, make wall ... done! Yet, hours in, if I start in a new World I start differently. I'll build the House in consideration of what I have learned I'll need. So there is a crafting room, a smithery, and ... well ... places for all the NPCS! Also, not to be forgotten: Storage Room! Minecraft is different. Minecraft ... well ... it is more suitable for folks that ... not more suitable as in 'it is more for those', but 'better for those' - want to go by manuals or so. It is 3D, that adds another dimension to the place that there is. When so beginning to think of a Farm to harvest wheat - its relatively easy to find a plot of land and to work on it. The same works in Terraria, but the pace of the game is just driving it so that a more efficient Layout will make it more fun to play while in Minecraft the pace is so that a more appealing Layout will make it more fun. So I have my Minecraft-esque plot in that Terraria world, its neat, but thats where Terraria ends being fun. The 2 Dimensional world is ... "done" ... and spoiling it by unlocking Hardmode ... well ... nope. The point is that mind grows into things ... and as one learns more of the thing certain approaches change. So is it usually so that time after when looking back there is that feeling that one in the past has been blind. It is a fallacy to then suggest that 'now' one is smart enough! Also Terraria, nice example! One thinks of a more efficient Layout and sooner rather than later one might have to find that it wasn't big enough.
So, I can look at my Keyboard and behold all the little particles of dust, seeing clearly how the light reflects off of the surface, even having sortof an immanent idea therefrom of how Light fills the room. Each object isn't only a front-side but also has a back-side, and behind that there is something else. I guess I may think that I spend too little time beholding such things, but then again, after a certain time of doing so there isn't really much of a point to it either.
It goes on - but so - into the darkness. In that "magic mirror" I see people wanting me to find something in a room for instance - and - I experience it as something harmless, something we might laugh about, something more of a test to see what is possible. On the flipside what I don't see therein is what I might behold now - and that is the evil test where I have to find it or else its proven that this Enlightenment is bullshit. I guess though that this version may never happen because God won't allow it to get to that point! Not before the conditions are set clearly!
There is something like an 'active scan' ability. I had to realize that while I fooled around trying to work out some Telekinesis. I so tried to lift something, and while doing so I began to be more serious and used all my senses to grab that item - and so I had to come back to the issue of feeling matter around me; Which by now is more than just a blurr - but - more so that I've settled on it being there. Whatever the case. Doing so I realized that my vision of those items got sharper - less confused - and so I could even know how full a vessel is before touching it. Those senses are an immanent part of this feeling of transcendence; Basically the best aim is to say that its that what it is there for. Reality isn't restricted to this semi-3Dimensional yet effectively 2-Dimensional projection produced via the eyes. Its a natural thing that hooks into this central awareness of life - that life is no longer 2D! The awareness of being a part of a 3-Dimensional environment is growing on that - and it goes on beyond that. Instead of feeling things more ... better ... so that after a short time one might tell you how exactly the trash within a trash-container is oriented (which on top of that is an issue of learning what to look at, or so, at first supressing the own individual delusion) my mind at first grew into understanding my position in existence. That was me, where I am and what I need to think of that which is around me. Based on that I could understand with greater ease how I should live my life - and that then tied back into faith. I found myself so basically in a little Oasis surrounded by evil darkness and no way out - so - the best choice was to make the best of the Oasis I was in until it would get burned to the ground and by that time I'd need a way out - which - wasn't in sight at the beginning. But the moment I said 'Jack Sparrow' (Pirates of the Carribean 1) - well - I guess people have been hell bent on testing that out while doing all to avoid it happening again. Is it just me or ... well ... of course there is a flaw in one logic there ... and I don't think its mine!
Comming back to the flying - well - someone may have a point since I expressed that after I passed the 9th Seal I went to sleep and between waking up and being still asleep I felt a slight hovering. I assumed that I could expand on that and so even learn to fly and I believe that people give more shits on that than reality would encourage people to do! It also seems like people keep waiting for that and encourage them to do so by referring to the sign of Jona. It would seem silly if I wouldn't begin to fly at some point, but hey, it wasn't me who made it a condition. Of course I can also play around with the idea and see how it would fit into some stories - but over the time I've learned of a darker version of the Story! Waiting for me to fly is like waiting for me to die - and how greatful would anyone be for that? You'd say "God has to" - but God doesn't have to do anything - dear reader! So it may be a point where He is simply He and doesn't work like a free lottery! You can't bend His will - and now I'm the victim! Not of Him but of your ignorance!
Pardon ... some poeples ignorance that would go that way while I'm still in need of their assistance.
Once I'm dead I'm dead - and that would say that your hope is gone - leaving that what you find on this site. I'd make a huge deal of it!
In case though people feel encouraged by dreams to wait for that - try for once to turn the thing around and wonder if it may be true what I say about the Testimony and that you so should rather ask for a way. I mean, if your first stance is to do nothing - its an evident psychological pattern that doesn't encourage me to believe that you'd ever do anything whatsoever to begin with! If your first stance is to go the way - then well - the doors will open!
You might have to forgive me when I then so lean back and relax being myself the one that waits and that with a given certainty. Its not that I then, in the other version where its happy end, would or should be any different either! And there also is the quint-essential logic with me that ties into Paradise! There is the scope of what is me - so - that me being me has a few things in reach that are mine to do and beyond that there is another scope of things that are that little bit extra that I can do. Being that flying, lazer from the eyes shooting Superman however is so entirely not me that you'd basically ask me to change my life so rudimentary that nothing of me is left and then saying that it was the right thing to do! I never got to that point - but now being there I sense that its unfair! Its unfair and so I may wonder - myself - anew - and that is the other part of me you might have to discover. The point where I just lift my nose and say nay! That high-nosed ... hmm ... well ... that would suggest that I'm so high nosed that I wouldn't do anything - but yea - I guess I'm getting closer to that any minute! This so to the point that I dissupport anything you could do or say other than that its time to move along and pay me due respects, beyond which that is dissupported but the final act at the end of that talking. The "point of no return" of the story would be the one where you could only please me by drowning me in gifts - and that point is already passed! Long time ago! Or depending on the volume maybe not so long ago ... but effectively ... I'm already beyond the point where I wouldn't give a shit who or what you are! Maybe thats fair, possibly planned that way but not saying that there has never been an alternative - I assume. But its beyond fair - its at the point where being a celebrity is equal to being something negative. I wouldn't even accept any gifts unless they prooved to me that they'd be worth my attention - and that wouldn't be achieved by gifts. There is only one legitimate way left ... and that is the one I cannot close ... yet! I may as well refuse to talk to any of them to begin with ... which ... is possibly just more of a defensive reaction to primarily counter the effects of their exagerated confidence in their influence or ... whatever. They are standing on thin ice, whether you want to see it or not! I may be pushed into the corner, but, life is a miracle! Every peril I must endure only makes the ice grow thinner and thinner ... every sufferage I have to suffer due to an unfounded status quo is on their head!
Therein I feel Righteousness - to so come back to the topic. Enlightenment vs Darkness - where are the boundaries? There on the one side is Enlightenment as a gift of God for my own good and well-being, things I learn about myself, about balance, about Paradise, about community, about harmony, things like that. Now, should it be entirely up to me to make things right? See, even Christ chose to rather die on the Cross than to give the people what they demanded for! And is that now a bad message? No! It is THE message about Enlightenment all in all! It is the Universal common factor. The individual counts! On the other end there is Darkness that desturbs my personal harmony. Sounds what? Like you are so much better than me because you're not - a spoiled brat? So, maybe you got "one" point that isn't even a point! I have to desperately clammer to each and every inch of air I can find to have something that people might compare to some Harmony, maybe that so is the irony that to find it I'm supposed to let go of everything. But another irony in the story is that there is nothing Enlightened about it - in any sense of Enlightenment, what religion ever! Saying that its right to let go of these things I may wonder: Why don't you?!
Well, it is written that so the Kings and Queens will lick the dust from my feet - and so for the purpose of fairness I'm going to be the one who's going to lean back and let the others do the ... "job". Its anyway the right thing, so it seems, and that does also somehow suffice to get rid of all the odd tensions in the room.
.Enlightenment for real
Is to say - or put the question into the room: What is Enlightenment - for real? So - "lets break it down".
The Higher purpose of it - is what? That we can fly and shoot people by looking at them? To what end? Death and Destruction for sure - yet - referencing the Bible there is no need to be Enlightened for doing so! Enlightenment also is only a 'cover term' for what is actually, so in the Nag Hammadi Writings, referred to as "Marriage to God" - or otherwise contained within the entire symbology of the Bridegroom. Peace! Peace! Peace! Love! Make Love not War! Things like that! Marijuana all in the sign of Flowah Powah! And so - about it - I'd appreciate to get away from tobacco and transition on to the greens only. That will need a less strong dope, something peacefull to mix it with to get a soft high ... to lift off slowly and to keep afloat - as opposed to crashing it in, jacking off, and crashing down. Well yea, the world is full of riddles and confusion - too much I would say! It is so much easier to just create our own world - being just us doing our thing, living our lives, finding our own ways - making our own world!
The baddies won't like it, they'll throw all into our direction they can, trying to spoil us, confuse us, sweet-talk us, boss around ... things like that. Well, nothing new, actually. Thay are actually the ones that want to force it out, that I come spitting fire and things alike, making it seem incomprehensive why I then would also turn that against others. Hmm ... again ... back at "Topic #1". So, obviously, it won't ever get to that! Thats the point! Aside of that one moment - but that is closer to the end of the Revelation - and basically it is there only fanfiction to imagine that (some of) us is given the power to ride along with those fireballs raining from new Jerusalem. Their main argument would be that it/this doesn't make any sense - and it is yours to come to understand how much of that is true! Naturally without a counter-understanding it is difficult or even impossible because they'll try until they've gotten it into your mind. But if it then were so important to take me into the action - that is me saying that that doesn't make any sense - why not get me there?
There is a reasonable answer to that. A part of it is about Status Quo, another part about Backup. Without them I won't get there, with it I won't need to push it any further! But you see where the real problem is at! It is that tiny piece of nonsense that spawns an entire armada of nonsense so that basically we live in a world with Bulls riding the sky shitting down on us. And it all comes out of one tiny hole. So, forget the bulls, rather, make it an asshole that is somewhere shitting its load into the sky. How am I supposed to live a peaceful life like that? And I'm not the only one complaining about it! Am I supposed to live a peaceful life? Well, why should I not be? If I'm not supposed to, why should you? Or is it me being 'the Hero' that I mustn't live a peaceful life? So the point of me would be that I exist so that people can shit around for me to clean the mess up?! I guess flying and spitting fire won't be enough then! Those things have nothing to do with Enlightenment. Or in the right sense: If me not seeing my environment clearly enough may be due to the reason that there is nothing worth looking at! Its not my fault if people keep exagerating no matter how much I shout that folks shouldn't have too high expectations - and I'd appreciate it if people would listen to me for a change and that by building upon the mighty rock and not some nitwhits words! Thank You!
Stardate 55290.70585