The Confessions of an Animalic Being
I was happier the day I knew that I was allowed to take on an Animalic Shape as my permitted default Existence in Paradise than I was - well - about most of the other things alike. At some point, that is the offset to the story, it becomes certainty that a singular Kink, once perceived in that certain way, is more than just a suggestion.
When I think of Paradise - I used to think of all the Possibilities; Thinking Star Wars, thinking Dragonball Z; But I actually never took myself therein for granted. I thought it would be fun to play as this or that, but more so as a picture for myself. Then, when I think of myself in paradise - its a bit of a weird thing. Maybe I'll just float around like a Fairy with her magic wand and make things sweet - or I'll hide beneath a stone or as a fruit hanging on a tree - hiding though. Those are visualizations of me inside a world of my mind, a world beyond - but Paradise?
Paradise to me is defined in Misery. That doesn't say that Paradise to me is Miserable, but that Misery itself is my Paradise! Take it from the perspective of Joy through Pain. Misery to me is Joy. Whenever I read in my Kink that it takes me some place darker, more horrible, more cruel - I rejoyce! Whenever I read: Human Life - I get disappointed. The real basis of my happiness is therein all in all found within me being a pet dog - a literal dog - of course however only metaphorically, though yet visually. The image is to be drawn with me inside the bag of my owner. This image is to draw me as a dog as my owner keeps me - likes me that way - and this like is the general force that draws the pressure I'm submitted into. In that the dog is like a can, a form I exist within as I'm squeezed into it.
I like it that way - not that being a dog, but that what is metaphorized thereby.
Misery - that to me is Joy. My Paradise is a Dungeon Vault wherein I may from time to time rest between Sessions of Sexual extremeties. The more Social connections that open up to me, the more I fear that one takes me out of that Misery. Beside that however there is definitely that Universal Pleasure that is simply pleasure. It is cold though, harsh in some way, but at times quite a relief.
I may have to talk about my head though. My head, my mind, my brain - a valuable asset that may have to work for quite some time yet to go. But inside me I feel a pressure - a vacuum. Eventually that is one of those issues relating to hostile activity, but in essence it shows me a world of relief. I want to succumb to it, make this pressure explode and take over my head to wrap it into darkness. Not to a foreign force though, but to the world wherein I define my Misery, the one I want.
There are Joys. The first ones expand from the big supreme we might call it - something that persuades the entire body, everything is joyful - something that to me is described as Lust, a Lust that drives me into misery. A Lust for rendering myself into deeper and deeper submission or forms of humiliation - to however be regarded a Whore, an Item, a Person that needs to feel the pressure of Slavery in order to be happy. From there things grow darker - where in one end I find myself weeping in my dungeon cell, being sad about my existence, which is a state that is in its own right like an Orgasm for me. In another end I find myself serving - as a Whore - but my mind did grow numb, unreceptable to physical joys as though all pleasure I could perceive were to be transferred to the one(s) fucking me - another state that in its own right is one of the more awesome Orgasms I could experience. It is not a perfect void of nothingness, it is the consciousness of being within that void wherein that Joy occurs that I want.
In some places of my mind I wonder about Punishment. I want it, need it, but have a hard time describing how. Eventually yet it got through to me that the absence from being fucked is punishment in its own right. Getting teased without getting it up one of my holes, but well, enough of that!
Similar to that desire of getting braindead is that 'Gag' I got in my spiritual mouth. Sometimes it might seem as though I'm incapable of formulating clear sentences, and that of course might be - "the Gag". I look at myself and once I look dull and empty - I see myself the way I want to see myself. I know for a fact that in those images of me I'm not half as empty as it looks - its though that whenever I'm really enjoying myself I look horrible on the picture - and that relative to what situation I'm photographed in.
I can't really object to anything that would be done to me that would take me into the direction I desire. Thus my Mistress(es) are free to take me wherever they want to - being assured that I won't object unless it isn't my wish. Asking me a conscious question would do the trick!
And so it goes on. I would much wish to describe that Misery I want to be in much better. But in certain respects it needs to be more than that. It is to be a social life - most certainly - and in that there are many factors that create the entire existence that would barely exist of only that darkness. But the darkness of course is my Place - and I pray for it! I pray for it in the Light of being myself - wishing myself to be however more than just a fucktoy, yet, with the final destination of being just that. I would wish to be a Queen, as arrogant as beautiful, entirely everything that would fit the image of a Queen that would finally only deserve to get fucked, hard and beneath her dignity. The image has to fulfill the concept of setting the bar of pride as high up as humanly possible, just to get humiliated below anything that is human. But, that is just what I call a "minds edge".
After all these are fragments, facettes of a life that seeks a certain Kink while socially the image finds its equilibrium around my status quo of a pet. I'd get taken care of, all around, from feeding to cleaning all none of my concerns except when deliberately being put into the classic duty of a Whore. And this is Paradise! That cage of Sex and Submission, the existence as an individual who may only decide for worse. That of course isn't entirely true once figuring that I may decline, but understanding what I would confess - something like a curse upon me that required me to be honest about it - makes it true enough for that purpose.
There is a simple deal to it that I feel comming to me every now and again. God will support the joys I need - thus - whatever I confess to is being confessed because the joy resides there. Of course it needs to be all solid and thus I'll crave for being manipulated, wired the way I'm wanted - and thus in some way bereft of my humanity.
I can be assured that its all right that way because on the flipside can it not always be supported. Thus I'll be "forced" into structures and environments wherein I am more than just an animalic slave! That shall however thus yet happen against my dominant mindset - more or less - depending on what world I'm in, and in anything that contradicts the scheme it'll still be a matter of being menthally enslaved, following the choices of my souvereign at the time. So I can be male, but that is, then, not a matter of a male existence but a matter of being part of some perverted form of entertainment provided for the audience, alias: Mindcontrol. It doesn't happen if it doesn't happen - or otherwise: Once I am to fuck someone that would at first need to be a woman; And next to that, me being thereby legitimately within the role of an animal that is told to do so.
Fragments left are beyond me - as they should.
When I think of Paradise - I used to think of all the Possibilities; Thinking Star Wars, thinking Dragonball Z; But I actually never took myself therein for granted. I thought it would be fun to play as this or that, but more so as a picture for myself. Then, when I think of myself in paradise - its a bit of a weird thing. Maybe I'll just float around like a Fairy with her magic wand and make things sweet - or I'll hide beneath a stone or as a fruit hanging on a tree - hiding though. Those are visualizations of me inside a world of my mind, a world beyond - but Paradise?
Paradise to me is defined in Misery. That doesn't say that Paradise to me is Miserable, but that Misery itself is my Paradise! Take it from the perspective of Joy through Pain. Misery to me is Joy. Whenever I read in my Kink that it takes me some place darker, more horrible, more cruel - I rejoyce! Whenever I read: Human Life - I get disappointed. The real basis of my happiness is therein all in all found within me being a pet dog - a literal dog - of course however only metaphorically, though yet visually. The image is to be drawn with me inside the bag of my owner. This image is to draw me as a dog as my owner keeps me - likes me that way - and this like is the general force that draws the pressure I'm submitted into. In that the dog is like a can, a form I exist within as I'm squeezed into it.
I like it that way - not that being a dog, but that what is metaphorized thereby.
Misery - that to me is Joy. My Paradise is a Dungeon Vault wherein I may from time to time rest between Sessions of Sexual extremeties. The more Social connections that open up to me, the more I fear that one takes me out of that Misery. Beside that however there is definitely that Universal Pleasure that is simply pleasure. It is cold though, harsh in some way, but at times quite a relief.
I may have to talk about my head though. My head, my mind, my brain - a valuable asset that may have to work for quite some time yet to go. But inside me I feel a pressure - a vacuum. Eventually that is one of those issues relating to hostile activity, but in essence it shows me a world of relief. I want to succumb to it, make this pressure explode and take over my head to wrap it into darkness. Not to a foreign force though, but to the world wherein I define my Misery, the one I want.
There are Joys. The first ones expand from the big supreme we might call it - something that persuades the entire body, everything is joyful - something that to me is described as Lust, a Lust that drives me into misery. A Lust for rendering myself into deeper and deeper submission or forms of humiliation - to however be regarded a Whore, an Item, a Person that needs to feel the pressure of Slavery in order to be happy. From there things grow darker - where in one end I find myself weeping in my dungeon cell, being sad about my existence, which is a state that is in its own right like an Orgasm for me. In another end I find myself serving - as a Whore - but my mind did grow numb, unreceptable to physical joys as though all pleasure I could perceive were to be transferred to the one(s) fucking me - another state that in its own right is one of the more awesome Orgasms I could experience. It is not a perfect void of nothingness, it is the consciousness of being within that void wherein that Joy occurs that I want.
In some places of my mind I wonder about Punishment. I want it, need it, but have a hard time describing how. Eventually yet it got through to me that the absence from being fucked is punishment in its own right. Getting teased without getting it up one of my holes, but well, enough of that!
Similar to that desire of getting braindead is that 'Gag' I got in my spiritual mouth. Sometimes it might seem as though I'm incapable of formulating clear sentences, and that of course might be - "the Gag". I look at myself and once I look dull and empty - I see myself the way I want to see myself. I know for a fact that in those images of me I'm not half as empty as it looks - its though that whenever I'm really enjoying myself I look horrible on the picture - and that relative to what situation I'm photographed in.
I can't really object to anything that would be done to me that would take me into the direction I desire. Thus my Mistress(es) are free to take me wherever they want to - being assured that I won't object unless it isn't my wish. Asking me a conscious question would do the trick!
And so it goes on. I would much wish to describe that Misery I want to be in much better. But in certain respects it needs to be more than that. It is to be a social life - most certainly - and in that there are many factors that create the entire existence that would barely exist of only that darkness. But the darkness of course is my Place - and I pray for it! I pray for it in the Light of being myself - wishing myself to be however more than just a fucktoy, yet, with the final destination of being just that. I would wish to be a Queen, as arrogant as beautiful, entirely everything that would fit the image of a Queen that would finally only deserve to get fucked, hard and beneath her dignity. The image has to fulfill the concept of setting the bar of pride as high up as humanly possible, just to get humiliated below anything that is human. But, that is just what I call a "minds edge".
After all these are fragments, facettes of a life that seeks a certain Kink while socially the image finds its equilibrium around my status quo of a pet. I'd get taken care of, all around, from feeding to cleaning all none of my concerns except when deliberately being put into the classic duty of a Whore. And this is Paradise! That cage of Sex and Submission, the existence as an individual who may only decide for worse. That of course isn't entirely true once figuring that I may decline, but understanding what I would confess - something like a curse upon me that required me to be honest about it - makes it true enough for that purpose.
There is a simple deal to it that I feel comming to me every now and again. God will support the joys I need - thus - whatever I confess to is being confessed because the joy resides there. Of course it needs to be all solid and thus I'll crave for being manipulated, wired the way I'm wanted - and thus in some way bereft of my humanity.
I can be assured that its all right that way because on the flipside can it not always be supported. Thus I'll be "forced" into structures and environments wherein I am more than just an animalic slave! That shall however thus yet happen against my dominant mindset - more or less - depending on what world I'm in, and in anything that contradicts the scheme it'll still be a matter of being menthally enslaved, following the choices of my souvereign at the time. So I can be male, but that is, then, not a matter of a male existence but a matter of being part of some perverted form of entertainment provided for the audience, alias: Mindcontrol. It doesn't happen if it doesn't happen - or otherwise: Once I am to fuck someone that would at first need to be a woman; And next to that, me being thereby legitimately within the role of an animal that is told to do so.
Fragments left are beyond me - as they should.
