'Fuckin' (it) Right' and 'Fuckin' (it) Wrong'

Well, what is this weirdness about? It is - about Sex. What is Love? Love is the interest to be with someone. As this interest may come in many different ways, Love does. What is true Love? What is silly? What is just an addiction? A temporary Lust? And what is real? I guess thats what really boned my mind. The idea of Love as a tight bond, but tight as in solid, solid as in eternally right. Something like a true and physical iron rod, something 'real' to hold on to, to give passion into, devotion, etc.. In this very context I see my "first" "true Love" as something that wasn't quite actually right. There were blistering emotions that erupted whenever thinking of being together, and a respectively deep and shakening sadness when imagining the contrary. Here of course too one might add that it is in deed interest in being together, even more so fueled by the fires of [whatever-man], but more than that is it so a desire to satisfy those cravings; With a lot of focus on satisfaction. Well in deed satisfaction through being together - yet, so it happens. Pay attention if you want to understand this. There is a situation that doesn't exist verbally and therefore I must express it. While I express it I choose terms to do so. I guess 9 out of 10 Love Songs try to dig that - each in its very own way yet unmistakably shouting some kind of ill craving into the world that in some way gathers up partially pleasant poetry and on the other hand flowery ideals. Here we have a tighter grid through the definition through interest. Now, what happens if we alter the definition so that it acknowledges this definition, that we argue that it is in deed the fulfillment of that interest, we basically let the emotions lead the way. My ways of expression try to acknowledge that too, that there is interest, but there is also that but. This 'but' is in the sense the outer perimeter, trust it if you will, and what these emotions do is that they eager one to over-ride that but. Therefore then these weird emotions occur, but in that very moment you must realize that its your attempt to legitimize them that once more takes you that way and not the 'sober interest' in that beloved individual.

There is a similarity to something else, named: Belief. Now, because it was on my mind anyway and this is primarily about Sex, I further make that example in example of something sexual. Thereby I ask the question: What is the difference between Rape once its real Rape (the Bad way) and Rape once its a 'Kinky Pleasure'? So, in essence we talk about submission, devotion, self-humiliation ... things like that. Now, the long story is about the nature of Kink. That Rape as a matter of Kink bestows a certain comfort onto the individual, as I experience it basically that is a comfort about the own self existing in that dreamed up way. Once the abduction is real and the rape unwanted there can barely be any comfort about it. That would be the major difference. Asking for how far the one extends into the other is asking for how this comfort happens. From an intimate perspective the comfort has a root somewhere. From a pragmatic perspective it is best understood through bondage I'd say. Fancy bondage has no space in bad rape. There the sole purpose of bondage is about fixing the victim - the entire "ritual" around putting someone into a Kinky position is solely there to comfort the individual 'comforts' - basically comforts in existing a certain way. Eventually, once a person like that would get abducted for real, so we might think, this comfort could emerge as well, and that is correct, but that doesn't solve all the issues. Once the act is an act of Kink the situation is safe. It has been chosen, one has a life around it and so whatever happens doesn't remove from anything that individual basically is and does. If we take it into the spiritual, thinking of esoteric bondage, spiritual connections, a higher right and wrong, our belief is enough to make us 'fall' for something. Here the individual won't heed nor listen - and that because the individual already 'is' in the comfort zone. Belief does that because it provides the own personal compliance unto what is happening. From a sober spiritual perspective and the scientific consideration of a higher right and wrong that is however the point that truely matters: What happens? And not only in the immediate sense, but also in the big picture. So here technically the real rapist could provide a comfort zone and it wouldn't make a difference to the victims whether he's spiritually legit or not.

That situation might app unto how come that these practices have a general vibe of 'irresponsibility' to the outside - things that are ideologically rather concerning in an upset sense.


To once more "Enlighten" you about my ... "romantic attractions" ... the thing is that - I guess the best way to put it neutrally is to say that I got lucky. I was lucky enough to experience attractions to individuals that did emotionally however base on my most intimate kinks. The 'polite' difference to these burning desires is that they are immediately satisfying. Once scenario would be for instance yet based on a craving, a craving for something that corresponds to the own Kink though. So, a submissive individual would crave the imagined appearance to take posession on the own self, while this very craving does satisfy the own need already. The more of those experiences I've grown accustomed to, the more I have grown to relate to Love as a matter of satisfying myself. That again is similar to the burning Love, but in the burning Love the satisfaction is a distant hope. Short story: Thus I grew to know myself and therefore can't really Love any other way anymore. Its a more honest self-love - effectively speaking.
The tie over into working a literal relationship from it may at first seem to be disgustingly artificial, so: Looking for the one who has 'compatible Kinks' is looking for someone who is equally satisfied through the relationship. That might at first apply to anyone who is into bondage - so - kindof like that all those who are into bondage are all compatible unto each other. This is no doubt not a basis for true Love for it is as distant from it as the burning emotions, kindof. Taking the definition of interest thereby isn't really helping a lot either. If one is into Bondage and yet relatively new, that person has an interest into almost anybody who would meet even very basic and common needs.
The next bit in these "romantic attractions" of mine is that I'm not craving - essentially. It occured that once I was certain that I'd be into the right person and being lonesome plus being stressed and such that a logical craving in the likes of home-sickness did emerge, but I'd argue that the two can hardly be compared! Through this not yet really properly defined attraction it happened that my idea of Love did change, it sortof became "un-burned". I there picture that burning like a dark fog where the individual finally turns over into shouting and yelling for to be heard by someone. This translates into expressions "of Love" or so a 'demand' for the Light. My interest in whomever I am interested in does however not really go into those Levels of poetry. My interest at first does stay pragmatic on the fulfillment of those Kinks, as basically idealizing those 'Fulfillments' (rather than Kink (as a word to stay universally comprehensive)) into the common Link - alias: the Core of mutual satisfaction. But like 'bondage' isn't everything round about Kinky Sex, the pivotal fulfillments aren't everything about a fulfilling Love. But, the gist of it is surprisingly easy to dig!

What is Love? What is 'true' Love? Picture it like that: Imagine that in a previous Life you Loved someone, whatever that means, and you two swore everlasting Loyalty unto each other. Now, decades or centuries later you find yourself in this open and socially uber-connected world and you find someone who 'could' meet the same pivotal fulfillments - but it isn't 'that' somebody. Though it might seem like a vanity at first - its more than that though. Once we Love - and its mutual - we get memories of it. You have to imagine them like giving frizzling powder into water. A chemical reaction changes the water into something else - it can't be undone - and whenever a similar attraction occurs it can only become a successful relationship for as long as these memories aren't replaced or contradicting. Otherwise they will signal to the own self that the given situation is wrong. Thats possibly not as apparent if you yet have little emotional experience - but sooner or later they certainly will affect you the one way or the other.


Finally all that a hot intimate Love needs are 'pivotal fulfillments', and those 'pivotal fulfillments' are the 'pivotal fulfillment' thereof - so far however my point of view.


As for 'fancy dreams' such as humor, intellect, common interests, etc. - now, all that can be reviewed from a "socio-static" perspective where each individual is branded with as much of this and as much of that; But it can also be reviewed from a "socio-dynamic" perspective. Here we can think of the nature of Belief as a positive. Here it is however not so much belief but obviously affection, perhaps adoration, something like that however where the individual has an attractor unto whom the individual is willing to grow; Where growth is further a matter of dedication, full life - partially or not. Terms such as affection vs. adoration are to be treated with care here though! It isn't as easy as to say that a 'pivotal fulfillment oriented' -> Attraction (for simplicity) does ultimately turn out this way and may therefore grow into that. The way how these Attractions work out depend on the individual itself; Just like some individuals like to be submissive or female. Those are expressions - its a bit like the own individual Sudoku of Life. There are a few constants and the rest is inevitable.
On a sidenote does in these conditions reside the fact why I can't properly analyze whom I'm "with" in which way. I can speak of myself, on my Kinks and from thereon conclude that my partners should comply to that as far as "that". That I'm female isn't a constant - and my conflict is that my 'true attraction' originates from a male self-correspondence. That however is a 'boy meets older woman' scenario and the balance of strength that furthermore emerges therefrom supplements my weak position and therefore, or well. Looking at before that, I figure myself female - but through oppression that I grew upset against I evolved, becoming male, and then meeting her. Because she was on escape herself too, but that in a less troubled way, she was able to return after her troubles had calmed and in that context she couldn't need me as a boy anymore. That is basically how I read my own emotional awareness of this attraction. Because our relationship did thereby however obviously change its not the same relationship anymore and somewhere in there resides my Kink for feminization that within fulfillment iterates into all sorts of ... "self-rape". That makes it so that I can in all my attractions relate to male and female parts of me and experience that same Kink in different ways. That is a 'clue' I have - but those basically evolve into some sort of social network where solid conditions and confused hierarchy kindof resemble that what I cannot see through (yet). But hereto there's a rather simple answer as well. In order to not bias you through more of my Kink though I'll use a different picture if necessary.
The fact is that these interpretations of my attractions sortof draw an alternate reality that may or may not exist in my own mind only. Point is that next to that I have my immediate life and in that life I'm effectively learning of that alternate reality. The point here is that while I think of the alternate reality the things that define it are immediate. I did what I'd advise folks to do all the time, but I didn't realize in which context the right of it would be seen at. It so happens that the primary focus is to think of the alternate reality as the product of marriage or weddings. So the point is to think of what one expects of a marriage. This needs to be distilled to a totally honest (to not say: Self-Loving) concept - and thereby primarily ignoring possible individuals. Once doing the same considerations in reference to specific individuals the result changes and that basically because the individual attractions bias the own form. That isn't bad because that is how individual attractions finally work out. But if we take four possible individuals for instance and may within each relationship set a bottom demand for ourselves - our minds basically assure us that the things we care about the most won't disappear, therefore we pick other things - yet the closer we get to the last one, the more it urges into the foreground.
What to me is the life of a Slave-Whore may to someone else be happy or jappy family living. The idea would be to dig out those pictures and movies that run the deepest - and they make the most solid representation of what you are inside. Or once watching porn, do you iterate into the less perverted and more easy loving way "down" to growing out of it entirely, as into Love films, or do you get stuck with the more perverted stuff - and in which role do you find yourself?


The "dodginess" of the whole is in my example the conflict between male and female. I can technically exclude the male and perceive it from being female as a conscious element that satisfies the kink of feminization. What matters however is that I, with this attitude, slide into something where male desires that yet have their places here and there, matter to some extent as well while the situation isn't really solved - for the sake of argument at least. That means that even if I ruled the male side out consciously - I didn't make the transition yet and even if I did I would wonder whether the corresponding social alignments are this or that way. One thing however is true: My Love for 'her', though there is a strong male urge or desire, does climax within recognizing myself as female; And that in a rather specific social alignment. That is just the way with those 'pivotal fulfillments'. The way to go would be to squeeze the male out of me - and once its gone nothing were to really change. It is possibly a direct contradiction to the way of Love in sight on Memories - yet so, the gist of this in this article is that we don't "want" to settle on anything finite as we generally consider our own lack of knowledge.
What needs to be done is that those that need to come together, need to live together - sortof. In order to dig that, desires are being expressed. Now is the matter with desires that they don't really emerge from a 'realistically' thinking mindset. I for instance once noticed a dent in my spiritual awareness, something that would resemble the stains of having been fucked by a huge cock, one of like 30 cm diameter; And that by the way would be enough for me to actually sit on. My butt bones aren't much further apart. So obviously that won't work while it should be obvious that by my desires I'd desire something huge ... too huge. That is a good metaphor for the case.
The point is that there are no concise limits to be found. In the same way you may take the picture of a sunflower as metaphor for all the happy family stuff and wonder if that can be your life 24/7. When or how do you there go out with buddies, play a game of chess or simply read a book? So is there, more to the point, an individual with whom you would realize those 'pivotal fulfillments' - and alongside a network of individuals that add up to them. The more variety this Network contains, the more likely the individual on mind would be capable of synergizing with it entirely - therefore growing it into a 24/7 thing although not quite as originally expected; But then again, well, it depends on the perspective.
As with a cock that is too large it is with water that is too hot. "In" isn't the only option - though one has to get "in" to gain access to the alternative which is "Out", but "Out" doesn't always mean not actually taking a bath anymore. So are there mutual desires that converge within reality to a point that seeks its own perfection. The network provides familiarity and variety so that once this perfection is being gained there are alternatives that keep it alive nontheless. But neither is Sexuality all that there is; Evitably. Now one could for perfections sake argue that one will always need something that is not relationship related - something like a polar opposite, a sanctuary or retreat. In that sense I, in my immediate life, may have too much of that! Too much time in front of my computer. Sometimes I don't have access to it but would need it, other times I do have access to it but nothing really there to be done (mood or inspiration or energy issues or such). Sometimes that works out to the better - I can either draw or sketch out on paper as on the other hand try around until I find something that works - while effectively I've learned that a bit more distance isn't ultimately bad and not doing something right away doesn't really do too much damage either!


In the end Enlightenment brings in a lot of awareness about how the own time is being spent and how to cut corners and stuff like that - making someone kindof unique in some socially possibly awkward sense (because one easily looses attachment to spending time outside of the own frame) - but so is this the tie-in to Society as a complex whole that is in many ways dependent on individuals and their dedication to certain activities that provide a part to the thereby functioning whole. What this has to say is rather conclusive - and therefore I'm closing this, to come to an end, with a simple Period.